Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

No.

maybe if I had a big house with a self contained annex.

That's not your problem to solve.

In your shoes I would make it clear that moving in whilst still drinking is not an option under any circumstances. But I would also try to help find an alternative solution.

Could they downsize to release funds in the short term?

I haven't had much experience of alcoholism, but would they consider downsizing and spending some of the money released on private rehab?

I know someone who let their MIL move in when she was in her 60s and she lived to be 102!!!! It might not just be a couple of decades

For 300k upfront, I'd let them stay. For a month, maybe two at a stretch.

No way I'd sell potentially 20 years of my life and happiness to them.

Definitely not.

from what I've seen, the money would all go.

Alcoholics can get through whatever they have.

It doesn't have to be so black and white.

It's not a choice between let them move in and help, or don't let them move in and leave them struggling.

I'm sure there are many ways you could help but still maintain your personal space.

To be honest it's a bit of a bonkers offer if you have a child and this person is an alcoholic - obviously you can't allow that. It sounds like a last-ditch attempt to say "please help me".

But you don't have to give up everything in order to offer some help. You can't change your relative's life for them and you're not responsible for it, either.

Do what you can, from a distance, but don't sacrifice your own life and wellbeing. At the end of the day, they make their own choices.

Yeah, I’ve done this. It was a very, very bad idea 😂 never again!

No chance.

MIL lives with us. We get on amazingly well. She’s super relaxed and very respectful. She helps a lot with our youngests disabilities. Shes quiet and has her own lounge space.

It’s still hard sometimes.

someone annoying in your home all the time isn’t worth the money.

A hard no from me.

If it was a very close relative like a parent or sibling even an aunt or uncle who had no other living relatives I don’t think I could do nothing but it may not be having them live with you. I would look with them at how the inheritance is invested or any benefits /social accommodation they may be entitled to when their money runs out. I would also suggest they move nearer to you so you could keep an eye on them. But if they refuse to do any of these then they have to understand ultimately they have to suffer the consequences.

Better idea, as you have already mentioned to suggest they down size and move nearer to you. Then they would have independence, some money and you wouldn't be lumbered. If you had an annexe that would be different.

It's really hard even with the best of people! Much more so than I would have thought.

No

No way

Nope, nope nope

I wouldn’t (grew up with an alcoholic father). No way I’d want to repeat any of that.

3 bottles of wine a day! Really? How can a person afford to pay for that?

Definite No OP. I can see the temptation for such a huge sum of money and paying off your mortgage etc. However, there are some things that money can't buy; that includes as stress free home as possible. You won't get this if relative moves in

one way to look at it is that you won’t miss the money because you’ve not had it but you WILL miss your freedom, space, privacy and peace which will definitely be lost…...

I think I would be tempted to go for it (yes, I am that greedy and superficial). They might settle down once they are part of a family and not lonely anymore. And the fact they do chores would be very handy. The money would be wonderful. I wonder if you could use it to move to a bigger place.

No. Way!! They are annoying and alcoholic and you have 1 bathroom. Think of your DS he shouldn't have to go through that!

Functioning alcoholics soon become non-functioning.
And would be your problem. You can't unring that bell.

Not in a zillion years for a zillion pounds!

You'll earn every penny of that 300k!