Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

Absolutely not. If DH wants to live with his mum he can move out and do that.

No. There isn't enough money in all the developed economies of the world to make that proposition appealing.

No way!

Maybe 3M. 1M to build completely separate dwelling; 1M for us & 1M for carers. Because the people I know are going to live forever!

No way.

terrible idea for all concerned -No.

@L4815

Am trying to convince relative to move closer so we can be on hand to help and also downsize so they can free up some cash to live on as an alternative.

That would seem to be a fair alternative. But even so you would need to ensure that professional support services become involved and that you are clear on boundaries as otherwise this could still take over your life .

Money is tempting but calm nice life is worth more. No.
Reminded of friend who did similar (they moved into MIL house and sold their own). MIL was far from a picnic even though the house was big. Mental rules. Now MIL is so old they can't in good conscience move on.

I don't think you can have had any dealings/personal knowledge of people with alcoholism. There's no way they could ever be trusted to do any form of childcare! Sadly , they're simply unable to be reliable enough to risk the safety of a child. And the annex could become a real health hazard - lack of cleaning, incontinence, potential fire risks from smoking, cooking, candles etc.

Imo living in a multi generational household has lots of benefits - such as yes, avoiding loneliness, household bill savings and housework and childcare help - BUT it only works if people have plenty of space, with their own bedrooms and more than one bathroom and living area so you can get away from each other sometimes!

It sounds like you might have the bedrooms but not the bathrooms and living space so it would be a no go for me, despite the money. The alcoholism is another complication on top of everything else- would he/she even be safe to be around your child?

20 years? Could be 50 years!

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.
Are they actually motivated to reduce their drinking? If not, there will be nothing that you can do to help and it will be a nightmare.
Are they in work?
I wouldn't do this, even for a lot of money.

Absolutely no way.

As tempting as £300k is, you will regret it pretty much immediately. There is always a very high price to pay with people like this, so do not be fooled.

It NEVER works and then you could well be in a worse situation.

My DF, DH and their DS have been ruined/made very ill by her bastard father and they have to sell up and because of him they will lose well over £150k on top of everything.

Annoying - maybe.
Alcoholic - hard nope!

Oh I lived a big part of my life with those dealings and personal knowledge unfortunately 😕
OP says they are houseproud and would help with the chores so they can't be that useless, but agree they couldn't be left alone with the kids unattended.

Absolutely not. What about looking for some assisted living flats for over 50’s? They could sell up and rent which should be cheaper. There would be company and potential for help if needed in the future. Perhaps a GP referral and a referral to social services for support?

Is this even legal? I thought there were rules about how much you can gift someone.

It's a no from me.

If there was an annexe or separate part of the house, then maybe. But not if you'd be sharing living space, kitchen, bathroom etc.

Could you and DS really relax with family member around all the time?

I think those are about tax

in principle, if I wanted to sell my flat and give the money to my sister, no law stops me doing that.

Absolutely no way.

I don't believe you can help an alcoholic. Maybe some people think you can.

They will just drag you down.

Absolutely hard no

And they won't cut down on the booze. They will just hide it better (or think they are but you will know).

This will ruin your home and your marriage

You can support a recovering alcoholic. But you have to have very strong boundaries yourself if you're doing that.

Would you rather be rich or happy?

No
No
No
No
No
DO NOT DO THIS
It's not a viable option AT ALL.
Think through all the things that could change for you and your immediate family over the next 30 years...
10k a year is nowhere near enough to put up with someone else's shit...