To be really, genuinely annoyed we have to go through menopause

[OptimismvsRealism]

Honestly it's hard not to suspect that nature hates women - I feel like a second class member of the species

I hate the constant anxiety in my life now, hate that the choice to have a baby is probably gone, hate that no one respects older women (I always did!! I knew this would come for me eventually!), hate how long it takes to be "ready" for sex now

Why isn't this cured yet? If men had menopause it would be.

I'm on annual leave next week. They told me to try the coil first. Worked for a few months but the past few weeks I've not slept longer than two hours a night.

My job is quite highly intense and stressful so I need to be functional! (Neonatal intensive care nurse! I generally don't get home from work until 9am by which point I've missed my opportunity to get a same day appt!

I think it is tough if you are on the younger end of menopause. I am 58 and still not gone through it. I had some anxiety and sleeplessness and went on HRT two years ago, but really I feel OK. I don't feel doomed, or pissed that I have aged, it's just life, and I quite like my life!

I’m in my 60’s, feel well, look good and now I don’t have to work feel even better. No one disrespects me. I take HRT which is supposed to help. Certainly I have no joint problems. What on earth is there to moan about?

Yes, I had one child at 30, and my childbearing years were over at that point. I am 52 and my last period was 3 months ago, I've had 3 month gaps before and they've come back but even if I am now close to menopausal, that's still another 20+ years of pointless periods!

Like the OP, I wasn't a massively attractive 20 something and was never a skinny teen, so I actually don't look too bad for my age now.

I had an early menopause, my period stopped at 44.
There was a two year period when I found it difficult.
I did take HRT for about 2 years. Hot sweats were a bit of an issue.
But you come through it and my menopause was better than most.

Things that helped me:
Always have a cotton cloth to mop your brow if needed
Use pure soap to wash - body lotion and stuff clogs your pores and makes you seat more.

Accept you body is changing - personally I think this is key, it is the fighting of menopause and the grief of losing your youth (and waistline) that does the most damage to you mentally.

Aches and pains - check your thyroid.
Yoga, stretching and exercise help - take glucosamine supplements.
Look after your vagina, have regular sex or use toys. The thing that hit me most was the thinning of the vagina walls and losing the elasticity. Keep the orgasms up even if you don't feel like sex, gives good blood supply.

I am through it, see my post above.

I think it sounds like you're having a mental health crisis and have assumed this is normal, inevitable and unchangeable because it must be because of menopause and your age. I had a sort of breakdown due to anxiety in my 20s, and really recognise how you describe feeling - mine wasn't in any way linked to menopause! SSRIs and counselling, together, changed (and saved) my life. HRT may be an answer, as some have suggested, but so might treating this as a mental health issue, rather than a menopause symptom.

You sound like you might be experiencing clinical depression if you feel that bad on waking every morning for a year.

Why don't you try speaking to your GP?

Maybe look at other things going on in your life rather than automatically blame menopause and see if they can be improved upon - diet, work/life balance, the amount and quality of sleep you get.

I am speaking for myself.

Period pain and massive mood swings. Then pregnancy with hyperemisis, a separated pelvis, birth complications that in an earlier era would have killed my and possibly the baby, 8 years of peri menopause and yet still periods in my late 50s.

Being female sucks.

But we have excellent friendships, which helps.

Without trying to jolly hockey sticks you :) I am through it and actually it is very good on this side.

In a way I think our biology is very kind! 😁

Bear with me - mad idea but I will qualify it. The stage you are at now is realization - nature will out no matter what. We can try this, that, and the other but the years roll on regardless. Realization takes a while to settle because we get MAD. But - slowly and surely it leads to acceptance.
A little philosophy helps at this point. Or a nod to the might of mother nature!

We start to ferret out ways that we will live the next stage, this new reality. And there in lies the greatness - because you get to make choices. You realize that most of it is behind us and the choice is - how do you want to live it for the next 20/30?

You struggle though a sweaty, thorny, dark forest filled with annoying bullshit. But you come out the other side to a very interesting space as a woman. You are now an observer rather than observed for example. There is tremendous freedom in that. I move through the world in an entirely different way. Actually - thinking it about it - you get to live like a man. 😁You care much less about the opinions of others.

I completely missed that you maybe want a child, OP. Is that what this is really about?

I’m 45 and up until this year I’d had few symptoms - mainly hot flushes at night. This past few months peri has hit me like a tonne of bricks. For me it’s been bloating, brain fog and forgetfulness and I bloody cry at everything. For me this is the worst. I am not a crier and I am terrified that it might happen at work.

Our generation is very fortunate because there is so mich support and advice out there. I’ve started acupuncture which has been fantastic, I’ve read some really helpful books and you can get some great advice from search engines.

The things that have really helped me aside from acupuncture for the brain fog (which I would highly recommend) are cutting alcohol and caffeine (I have one decaf coffee per day, no earlier than two hours after waking), cleaning up my diet even more, finding time every day for relaxation with no screens (for me that’s meditation, yoga or even a hot bath) and weight training.

I also read a great book called Next Level by Stacy T Simms that explains a lot about the effects of perimenopause on the performance of athletic women that has really helped me understand the type of exercise I need to be focusing on at this time of life. I take ashwaganda and magnesium supplements and eat more protein. I haven’t been to the gp for hrt yet as I’ve noticed a huge difference from the changes I’ve made but I will when/if I need to.

Peri can be very difficult for some women, myself included, but there are things you can do to help yourself. Understanding that while I can’t change where I’m at, there are actions that I can take to improve how I feel has probably been the most valuable lesson from all of this. I will be very glad when the periods finally stop and this is all over though!

On a separate note I am genuinely surprised by the women on this thread who naturally experienced terrible symptoms of menopause in their early 40s onwards.
I understand everyone is different but this seems very unusual.

I do wonder if (increasingly unhealthy) average western diet is to blame for a lot of these symptoms. Eg sweeteners are in so much now that unless you actively avoid them (like I have for the last 30 years) you will be consuming large amounts. Sweeteners are known endocrine disruptors so could easily be involved in making things like menopause feel worse.
Also, I've noticed a big uptick in 'menopause is awful and needs to be managed' information just as menopause has become a business opportunity 🤔

I'm feeling very similar - having constant anxiety for most of my cycle, maybe a couple days without it. Headaches, nausea, self hating, lack of confidence (though that's been a regular thing), irritability, brain fog.
Nearly 41 spoke to dr on Tuesday as couldn't just pretend everything ok anymore. His suggestions pill or depo- think it's PMS!!!

Not everyone has a bad menopause. My mum had no symptoms apart from her periods became infrequent and then stopped in her mid 40s. I have been on the mini pill for about 7 years now and don’t have periods anymore which is fantastic. I am 51 and apart from struggling to concentrate at times which may or may not be menopause related I haven’t had any symptoms. I hope to continue the mini pill until 55 by which time I should (fingers crossed) be out the other side. Prior to being on the pill my periods were horrendous (both heavy and painful) so I am very grateful that it worked to stop them.

I am 6 years separated and currently on holiday with my almost 18 yo and our dog. Taking the dog for a stroll yesterday morning I realised I felt completely relaxed. It felt good.I sometimes get stressed but rarely anxious although alcohol can have that effect for me (during the night ir next day). I have cut down a lot. I am overweight and intending to do something about that too. I have found it so much easier to put on weight and so much harder to loose these past few years and I am sure that is age related. I have realised I get out of breath so much quicker these days and it’s on me to do something about that too. I want to be healthier. This is a good time after a break which for me is a nice reset.

OP you shouldn’t be feeling this way. Maybe you need some help. I think you need to see your GP. You could also try yourself to boost your mood. Maybe a break if you can, mindfulness, exercise, meeting a friend, healthy eating, etc. anything to show yourself you are worth it and are doing something good for you. I hope you start to feel better soon.

I love the menopause. I love not having to worry about contraception, and mostly I love not getting those hormone-based migraines.

I hear you OP. I love the fact I've only had one period in 8 months and my anaemia is cured. However, the crippling anxiety, pains in joints, itchy ears, terrible sleep etc are driving me crazy. And no, HRT is nor the answer. I tried it for over 6 months and it did nothing for the anxiety and just made me fat.

I started peri at 42, I'm 5 years in. I was on Hrt for 18months but it was feeding my breast cysts and they took it off me 😫

I was also on an anti anxiety medication for anxiety and mood swings that started early on and that worked well but in trying to combat the constant headaches (I was living on painkillers), I was weaned off it and onto an anti depressent. The time I was between meds and weaning onto the new one was hell, I had full on depression, felt completely out of control of my emotions, and cried in a way I didn't know I could. I hit rock bottom several times before asking for help and getting the meds adjusted, but it scares me that it's only the meds keeping me functioning.

I can only hope the other side of menopause is somewhat brighter.

Well I didnt have too bad a menopause ,however at 45 ended up with burst cyst and Sepsis! Very painful.Not allowed HRT as could bring this on again.Seem to have managed ok .My GP said to eat a healthy diet and exercise and that seems fine .appreciate not everyone the same though .Imagine if we still had periods into our 70s!

Agreed

Talking across the population averages here - so yes someone is very healthy can have a horrific menopause-

but we know Early menopause occurs when the diet is less healthy and a healthy diet makes menopause easier

Eg white bread and pasta is linked to menopause starting a couple of years earlier than those who have whole meal

How can you go through it twice? 🤔.

I am in the middle of peri menopause and find it like walking a tightrope - I have to be so careful with diet, sleep, exercise etc or I start to feel awful. It feels like my body just does not work properly any more.

I now eat 100% clean, do weights 5 days a week and make sure I am in bed by 9.30pm and don't drink any alcohol. As a result my body looks great (no peri fat at all), good muscle gains, I don't suffer with the aches and pains I did when I first started peri, I have more energy and my anxiety/depression has gone.

On the negative side though I still deal with cystitis (I think down to histamines caused by fluctuating hormones), prolapse and low bone density. It is a real struggle try to exercise enough to control symptoms but not exacerbate my pelvic floor. I have been on HRT for 3 years and more recently testosterone which I think does help.

My DH on the other hand who is 5 years older can eat rubbish and not exercise and still seems to function fine although his belly is growing so he will need to change things soon.

I think on the positive side peri is a wake up call to change your lifestyle if you do not want to suffer from the diseases associated with aging. My DH seems to be following his Dad and drifting into type 2 diabetes. For men the wake up call tends to be much later and often only when something serious has gone wrong.

It's just nature? In the past, many women used to die of diseases or starvation before even reaching the menopause. I'd rather be old and menopausal than dead.

Crikey I thought it was just me!
One phrase I heard on here that helped me, so much so that I copied it to remind me, hope it helps you:
"Most people don't care about you
When I first heard this I thought it was harsh. But what it's saying is that sometimes we worry about what others think. And most of the time they aren't actually thinking anything about us at all."
Sorry I can't credit the original poster!

Mine was early due a genetic condition that causes premature ovarian insufficiency. It is not always early due to lifestyle.