To be really, genuinely annoyed we have to go through menopause

[OptimismvsRealism]

Honestly it's hard not to suspect that nature hates women - I feel like a second class member of the species

I hate the constant anxiety in my life now, hate that the choice to have a baby is probably gone, hate that no one respects older women (I always did!! I knew this would come for me eventually!), hate how long it takes to be "ready" for sex now

Why isn't this cured yet? If men had menopause it would be.

Not for everyone there isn’t.

I’ve had a medically induced menopause due to breast cancer And cannot take HRT.

Im exhausted, low, anxious and with horrendous hot sweats and there is nothing that helps.

That's fine tbh I don't want old age. I'd be very happy not to wake up in the morning.

Obviously I'm not saying anyone else should feel the same but I have the right to feel this way. I'm angry that I'm supposed to dutifully trudge along with it.

I feel hard done by sometimes by it all, yes. Mainly when I look at men my age jovially going about their comfortable and familiar business.

Then I think you sound very low and should seek some support from your GP. Being happy not to wake up in the morning is not a great state of affairs.

Sympathies to people suffering and the OP. But is it really like this for so many women?!
I'm no spring chicken as I'm 40 in 6 months, but I still feel about 19! I had no idea things were this bad for so many women.
Is it genetic? My mum seemed to sail through the menopause.
So sorry OP you sound depressed and hope you can talk to someone.

I’m a few years into perimenopause and despite HRT it’s pretty awful. I really hope to reach that point where I give less fucks but unfortunately I give way too many fucks thanks to the anxiety, overthinking and brain fog

Don't be silly. Nobody has to "dutifully trudge" through it but accepting the facts of life - puberty occurs, women may get pregnant, menopause occurs, we age if we are lucky, we all die - makes for a better time.

I felt fine until I was 42. First sign was periods going down to 25 day cycles. Then dry vagina ( remember needing panty liners?? nostalgia.... Sorry for saying panty also) Now heavy sadness

Realised I have a lot of questions.
For people who didn't have regular periods for years because of their method of contraception etc. Did you find the menopause hard or ok?

What about those who've had anxiety throughout their life anyway. Did menopause make this worse?

Sorry to derail the thread 🙈

Thanks for replying. It sounds like quite a sudden change.

I was on quite a high dose birth control pill, and liked it so stayed on it for a long while. Then when I came off it, I had several extremely anxious months. That was it. I have an anxiety disorder, and a history of major depression, and post-menopause has been the happiest time of my life.

I was on the combined pill for years so only had a withdrawal bleed on my pill free week rather than an actual period. I came off the pill for a while to see whether I was getting regular periods and found that I was having very irregular cycles and some quite short but also very light periods.

I’ve had anxiety for a few years - unfortunately when I changed careers I went into a new career which gave me a lot of anxiety but the menopausal anxiety I have is a whole new level. Thanks to HRT it’s more stable but I have crippling self doubt, awful brain fog and spend a lot of time thinking everyone thinks I’m a terrible person.

That's really interesting to hear.
Since my daughter was born nearly 7 years ago I've been on everything from anti psychotics to mirtazapine for depression. The last year or so I've felt alright.
I've also been on the mini pill aswell for many years so my periods all but stopped, plus I had high prolactin at one point. I've had less than 10 periods in 7 years!

Glad you are feeling happy post menopause.

So sorry to hear the anxiety is a different level.
Glad the HRT is working a bit for you and hope it continues to.

When I was in my 20s, I went on a lot of adventure holidays with travel companies (the gap year ones). I was surprised by the number of single women in their 50s and 60s on these trips. Their outlook on life was just incredible, very carefree and positive, and of course they made friends with each other (and everyone else). It made me aspire to be like these women!

What about those who've had anxiety throughout their life anyway. Did menopause make this worse?

I didn’t have it throughout my life. My first experience of anxiety was postnatal after my second child. It took several years to properly go away and I was never quite the same afterwards. About a year ago I started feeling the anxiety again, so I guess it's been hormonally triggered both times, by pregnancy and perimenopause (although there had been difficulties after the birth of dc2 that made it much worse). I recognised the signs this time around and was ready to go to the gp (which I never did the last time), but tried some supplements first, which have made all the difference, thankfully.

@OptimismvsRealism You sound so down. Have you got real life support? Somebody you can talk to about how you feel? It’s ok for you to be you. Would there be a possibility of counselling for you? I’ve just had some pretty intensive couples counselling which has lifted weights I didn’t even realise I was carrying.
Life is nasty, brutish and short, but there is still joy and peace, and I think finding the joy starts with self acceptance. I wish you all the best

I am going to sound patronising- I don't mean to- but OP you need professional help. This isn't just about the menopause.
I expect getting it is hard these days though.

I prefer to be aware of what is coming and not put my head in the sand. Your post reminds me a bit of those people who say pregnant women shouldn't be told how painful labour can be.

This shows that the pp was right to mention it, doesn't it? And also that there is a lack of knowledge about menopausal problems in general.

Fine to alert people to what it is, symptoms, treatment but she didn't do that did she, just a gloomy post about wait for this to happen as it will to 100% of people. Not true. Knowledge is good as long as it is correct.

Have you tried any treatment or are you happy like that?

@Gwenhwyfar tbh I just can't be bothered with dating anymore. 🙄 All the ones I chat to are only after sex so I'd rather have a cuppa 🤗

That's sad, but I suppose if you don't need the companionship either, good for you.

@Gwenhwyfar I'm used to it now 🤗