To be really, genuinely annoyed we have to go through menopause

[OptimismvsRealism]

Honestly it's hard not to suspect that nature hates women - I feel like a second class member of the species

I hate the constant anxiety in my life now, hate that the choice to have a baby is probably gone, hate that no one respects older women (I always did!! I knew this would come for me eventually!), hate how long it takes to be "ready" for sex now

Why isn't this cured yet? If men had menopause it would be.

@combinationpadlock That is beautiful about the pilot whales.

I think too much introspection can make this period worse although I am terrible for this.

57 here. A bunch of friends and I started a Facebook support group about 10 years ago and it’s been invaluable for sharing symptoms, experiences and solutions. For me HRT post me menopause has restored my libido. I do t miss the hormonal roller coaster and am generally calmer and much more confident. I have a job I love and in which my age and experience is respected. It’s not all doom and gloom.

But average life expectancy was much lower. Do you mean that it was just much fewer people that had it? Or that the menopause Age used to be lower?

That sounds dreadful. Why aren’t you allowed HRT?

If there were a God, he’s a misogynistic asshole. Being a woman is one nightmare after another, biologically speaking.

OP, get yourself on HRT, it did wonders for my mood.

Orca are angry not only because of menopause but because their sons live with them well into adulthood, still rely on them for help with getting food and won’t fuck off and leave them be.

The species can ram it!

I'm 46 and peri and I really hate that my memory that has always been brilliant is now reduced to 'what was I saying?' 'What did I come in here for?' Staring at my computer and thinking 'fuck what was I about to google'

The fact I have never suffered anxiety but now some mornings I wake up feeling awful and can't put my finger on why I'm so anxious.

I know getting older is meant to be some sort of privilege and given my mum died young I try and see it as such but honestly why can't men have some shit to deal with for a change.

Infant mortality lowers average life expectancy, sometimes by decades. If half of children don't live to 5 years old, then look at the life expectancy generated as an average in this population, and double it, to get the rough life expectancy of someone who makes it to adult hood.

There has always been old people!

And in prehistoric times a significant number of young children would have been predated, bringing the "average" life expectancy down massively. Plus young adults, male and female would have dies in accidents, hunting accidents, travelling accidents, etc, and some in child birth.

Basically, if you made it to 20 you stood a very good change of making it to 50 or 60. Or older

My brain does this before the menopause….so I will either get worse at this or maybe it will cancel it all out? 🤣

Well I weigh less than I did pre menopause, without actually trying to lose weight, and when I do want to lose a few kilos I do it exactly the way I did when I was younger - i.e. eat less, move more.

I had no issues with menopause, and find my life easier now. I love not having periods and the associated issues.

The constant anxiety is awful. Nobody really speaks about it. Definitely was my worse symptom.

Oh and I forgot to mention 🙄 the rage. The kind of rage that could move Everest. Irrational and at times overwhelming. Every month when my period arrives I think bollocks it's not over yet then.

I really don't think most women have 'a decade of sorrow'. I'm probably lucky but I certainly didn't and IRL I've not heard any friends say they have/did.
The OP is only 42 and IMO could really benefit from a proactive, positive mindset on this issue rather than expecting catastrophe.

I know not everyone enjoys the menopause, but many women do. I loved it! And I love being post menopausal now.

If you are really struggling physically or mentally, then see a doctor. You are not supposed to be, this should be a joyous and freeing time of life.

Also why do we have to have a period each month. (ok I know can’t have babies without it but why it has to be this way…)
and periods that can get worse and more painful as menopause is looming - which can last like this for years. And it’s just not fair :(

I agree with@charlotteRumpling and @RampantIvy

I went back to work at 43 and retrained, taking professional qualifications. I'm now 64. Peri started as I went back to work. HRT was a dream and made the menopause or journey towards it manageable.

There are positives: no more periods, I sweat less, much less, much reduced discharge - knickers last for years, much reduced hormonal fluctuations.

I'm still working full-time. I love work and I love life. The children are late 20s and have careers and partners.

The best thing I've done for my wellbeing is giving up alcohol, refined carbs and wheat.

It all takes a bit more maintenance - hair, skin, weight but I don't feel invisible and I've never regretted being a woman - I've embraced every second of it.

Speak for yourself. I've never found being a woman to be a nightmare, let alone one after another.

I have smallish issues but can't say I feel treated any different to 20 years ago nor feel invisible nor feel a victim just because I happen to be female and I know men have issues with their bodies as they age but its not a competition so don't feel the need to list them

OP, I'm sorry you're feeling it so much.

I had my ds at 45, bf for 18 months and menopause didn't hit me until early 50s, but when it did, I took up running.

I hated feeling tired and achey so I ran three times a week. I hadn't run since school so I was shocking to start with, but I improved, and I felt SO MUCH better. My energy levels came straight back.

I focussed on eating well. Menopausal women need different nutrition so pay close attention to your diet. Lots more fruit, nuts & veg, less wheat, UPFs and sugar.

I eat fish twice a week, veggie twice a week now. Alcohol hardly ever, 30 different fruit & veg a week helped massively. I'm 61 now, still running 5k three times a week, working full time, feeling good.

Take some time to experiment. Adjust. See what works for you.

Hey OP I s as m sorry you are feeling like this and hope you are seeing your GP about anxiety and feeling low

this is not normal or acceptable and not a part of menopause for all women at all.

FWIW I am in my 50s and happy and having fun. Just saying that to dispel the myth that being miserable is what lies ahead for ageing women

things to focus on : get help (GP) to get checked out, discuss all your symptoms

get active, do any sport or swim or walk or anything

focus on friendships

plan in fun things to look forward to

creat a fun energy playlist of music that boosts your mood

eat well, eat nice quality food, cook new yummy things

practise positive self talk

good luck 🤞🙂💚

Tried HRT it made things worse! As I’ve had a hysterectomy my options are limited
Sympathies to everyone

Yes we did.

If you made it through your first couple of years, your life expectancy was around 60/70.

Not everyone can have HRT, particularly if their menopause is due to chemotherapy

Same here. I had a hysterectomy at 46 and went straight on to HRT so I barely had a menopause. I'm pushing 70 and still quite fit because I exercised and ate well from an early age. I don't feel invisible or disrespected. I realise I'm lucky and haven't had any major illness or disabilities but being angry about ageing is like being angry about the weather (another bugbear on MN) - it's nobody's fault and you can't stop it.

It's not clear OP if you are taking HRT and still feeling this way? If you are not on HRT then get yourself an appointment asap. I used Silvery Blue womens health and paid (approx £250) as my GP wasn't super helpful, they have been so helpful and I am still under review to make sure we get the dosage right before I move back to NHS. I am definitely feeling more myself, the brain fog and memory issues are resolving as is the low mood. I have another review next month and we're going to look at testerorne as my libido is still crap. It's not a silver bullet and my sympathies go out to those who can't for medical reasons take HRT but it does make a difference and it is better to do it as early as possible in the process to get your symptoms under control. I've also significantly reduced alcohol intake, am doing more exercise and eating better which are all helping too.