To be really, genuinely annoyed we have to go through menopause

[OptimismvsRealism]

Honestly it's hard not to suspect that nature hates women - I feel like a second class member of the species

I hate the constant anxiety in my life now, hate that the choice to have a baby is probably gone, hate that no one respects older women (I always did!! I knew this would come for me eventually!), hate how long it takes to be "ready" for sex now

Why isn't this cured yet? If men had menopause it would be.

I know, right, it's just a big fuck you

But I allow my crossness now. I’ve earned it.

I just hate the feeling. Hate it. I had bad pmdd in 20s/30s but now it's constant. I'm constantly having to observe and try to curb my reactions to things. I'm so unhappy and I know I'm lucky compared to many on this planet but I wish I could just ffw to the end now tbh😩

Love the whale fact! I have adopted Nemo's motto though: Just keep swimming.

Not trying to be a Pollyanna but it is definitely swings and roundabouts. I have got myself throught it by remembering that actually I found being young very tough. I was so consumed by anxieties, pointless fears,and then of course had barely any time to myself until DC were grown.

I suppose it helps that I have always been only average looking and losing my looks hasn't been a sharp fall off the cliff! I don;t care that much about being invisible because I wasn't all that visible even earlier.

I've always been ordinary too so now I think I actually look "ok for my age" rather than quite terrible for my age, so that's kind of an upgrade

But then dilemma re why it matters what I look like anyway

These threads are always really interesting, a good reminder that it's not a one size fits all for all women. Growing up, I literally thought menopause was just your periods stopping at 45, never to be seen again, and having hot flushes, which looked inconvenient. It is only from reading others' experiences I have learned that there can be so many other symptoms and challenges.

I am 44 this year. Still as regular as always, and no symptoms yet (that I have noticed). I would love to be period free. That feels like a reward for 30+ years of inconvenience and pain. I don't mind getting older, but I am very aware that I need to look after myself better if I want to have a healthy-ish old age.

Thank you all for sharing stories.

Is your diet super healthy? I'm wondering if I could buy myself another year or two this way.

It is a pain but i think this is probably one of the better times in history to be experiencing this.

I was suffering extreme anxiety for two weeks a month that was completely debilitating. Im now taking a small dose of ssris which has made an enormous difference

I am going to give it a little longer and then opt for HRT.
This is an area that DOES need to be sorted by medical professionals in my experience.

I am slightly under 45 and the person at my GP was really difficult telling me i was experiencing ‘extremely early’ ovarian failure and needed to go through a shed load of tests. This seems completely bonkers to me!

i think i will have to suck it up and go private and get a mirena to knock the awful periods on the head. I am also hoping to get a breast reduction to sort out the boobs which are having peri growth spurt!

it is annoying we have to go through this but keen to get through the other side and at least we can tackle it now.

My mum is still enjoying her life at 80- she's fit, active, and still energetic- and I am trying to be like that. She is a real positive influence on me. All of us are going to live longer, so I just keep looking for role models.

I think men actually age far worse than women. My dad didnt age well, and DH has his umm... issues.

Oh it's shite op.

Looking back, mine started late 30s. I even went to the GP with terrible mood swings, she put me on the Pop which made me suicidal and I came off it after 8 weeks. I then spent 4yrs feeling suicidal for two weeks every month after ovulating.

I was also anaemic. Pouring with blood. I didn't realise but my pelvic organs were also prolapsing due to vaginal atrophy.

I went on HRT at 44, and at 46 I finally find myself on an even keel again.

I do want sex again due to testosterone. Though there are scars in my relationship due to the impact that me crying for several years has had.

My 40s have been horrible and I can't pick out anything that has been particularly positive about them.

I'm not anxious, that was never a symptom for me. I have had to almost give up alcohol as it makes me sweat at night. I've gone off the taste of wine which is heartbreaking!

I've had injuries that have made me stop running (likely due to the impact of the lack of pelvic strength) so I can't even run for my mental health any more.

I don't get this 'no more fucks to give' thing. I care deeply about what people think.

I'm waiting for some kind of revelation!

In the meantime op, HRT makes things much less shite.

I agree and identify with this.
I haven't had a period since the age of 50. For me the only downsides post menopause is thinner hair and being a little stiffer when I get up from sitting for a long time.

With HRT the menopause doesn't have to be a nightmare. And who wants to be having babies at 50 anyway?

Also, the menopause isn't horrible for everyone. In my case the regular migraines were the biggest issue. I had a few hot flushes, but didn't get the brain fog and anxiety that so many women do.

I think you should try and stop seeing it as a negative, and embrace the positives. It does get better once you are through it.

Bloody hell, that's a bit over dramatic 😂

I haven't had a second this year where I haven't been sad to wake up that morning. If this is it for the next decade no thanks. I don't think that's overdramatic - you obviously haven't experienced a life like that lucky you.

Not at all. It is absolutely spot on. I'm six years in and it's been horrible. Maybe my 50s will be better?!

Absolutely not at the moment! I am in a phase of abusing my whole system with too much junk food, and not enough exercise. I go through cycles of this. It is something I am trying to fix.

But in better times, I eat a lot of meat free meals, with very little processed food. And it definitely improves everything for me. From my mental health to sleep, digestion, energy. It also helps reduce inflammation I get from a long term illness I have.

I annoy myself. I know what I need to do, I just get into a funk for a while and ignore all of it.

Sorry, I am derailing your thread!

For goodness sake! Not every woman has a bad time. My periods stopped.That was it.

Interesting re the prolapse - I've been feeling really weird about peeing (like go then need to go again then again then again - it's making travelling very hard!). Did you find hrt improved that?

OP, you sound so sad, and it is a horrible feeling. Have you got any support for that? From your GP or maybe talking to a therapist?

No this isn't true. We are evolved to go through the menopause and stop reproducing at an age when we are fit and healthy and available to help raise grandchildren.

Prehistorically, human children needed two generations to raise them, having such a long and complicated childhood, and needing so much physical, emotional and academic support.

The menopause is one of the "Three Gifts" that made humankind such a successful species.

It also happens in a couple of other highly intelligent species with long childhoods.

It ONLY happens in highly intelligent species with long complicated childhoods, where the grandchildren need available grandparents in order to survive and learn and grow.

I have watched pilot whale families where the parents go off hunting in deep water all day, and the grandparents are left in charge of the grandchildren and play with them in shallow water, providing safety, stimulation and deep family bonds, all the things children need to be nourished physically and emotionally.

The menopause has been crucial in the survival of the species.

Why aren't you on HRT?

It was for me! Vagifem and yes oil based lubricant is absolutely brilliant imo and I also use testosterone as well which helps with brain fog, libido etc.

I wouldn't want to be sexless no way! And as it's a me problem because I'm a woman I did all I could to fix it.

Please go and see your GP. You shouldn't and needn't be feeling like this.

What?? How do you go through TWO menopauses? 😕

I get it, my mid 40s were hell. I started like a pp said a very low dose of Fluoxetine (ssri) it was like a miracle, a dark cloud lifting. After a year or so I realised I should look into hrt. Started that and came off the anti depressants over a few months. Didn't feel totally fine but then added Testosterone which defo improved things.

Don't suffer like this for years. If I could go back I'd have started the ssri earlier.