To be really, genuinely annoyed we have to go through menopause

[OptimismvsRealism]

Honestly it's hard not to suspect that nature hates women - I feel like a second class member of the species

I hate the constant anxiety in my life now, hate that the choice to have a baby is probably gone, hate that no one respects older women (I always did!! I knew this would come for me eventually!), hate how long it takes to be "ready" for sex now

Why isn't this cured yet? If men had menopause it would be.

Yes, there is such a thing because some of us are definitely fine, and through it!

CharlotteRumpling · Today 07:35

There are lots of good things about it too. I am so thrilled I will never have to have another period.

I don't feel invisible or disrespected most of the time ( while acknowledging the larger problem of ageism in the workplace)
I am way more confident and less anxious than before in some areas.
I am having a lot more fun than I did when I was 42, thanks to DC having grown up.

A decade of sorrow is a bit of overkill.

Yeah this, ^ I am mid 50s, and several years into menopause, and apart from hot flushes, and the odd low mood, I have never been happier. (Apart from my wedding day - and when my DC were born.)

I don't feel invisible, and I don't feel disrespected, and it is wonderful to not have to stress about men letching at me, and catcalls, and whistling, and having men try it on.

I don't get bitchiness and cattiness from anyone, (as people my age have outgrown that behaviour now, and younger folk have respect for me,) and there's no expectation for me to work full time, or climb the career ladder any more. There's also no expectation to buy a bigger 'better' house and climb the property ladder either.

There' s no childcare as the DC have left home, (and no parental care as both sets of parents have died,) and I have so much freedom and so few ties now (1 cat, and a part-time job.) And then I have no periods, which is a great bonus. And I REALLY don't care about not being able to have any more children. Been there done that LOL. Had my last by my early 30s, and never wanted any more after that! Family was complete by 33.

Oh, and I am much more confident than I was 20 years ago, and aren't obsessed with being 8 stone anymore. Also, I am quite happy to not take any shit from anyone, and to be able to say NO to things I don't want to do!

Yeah, I think to call menopause 'a decade of sorrow' is a bit of a weird thing to say @OptimismvsRealism Not all women feel or think this!

You are sort of giving off a mother-in-law energy with this post.

"Just cheer up and be smug like me!"

I would rather die younger and have no menopause. Fabuloso for you that you've had such a great life 👌

jealousy and dislike of people because they are happy ? Go get the HRT

Well then to you all just keep those fingers crossed. It can hit at any day at any time.

I wish someone had told me about it. I know of many women, with older relatives who are living in denial about how they are, truly.

As I said, some women can't be told.

I didnt know about atrophy tbh but can I do anything about it? Guess I will deal with it if and when it crops up.

Unless dignitas recognises it I am not sure what the point in knowing about it is, really.

Wow, no need for such a rude and sarcastic response. I am entitled to post my own experience on here you know. Why the angry and vicious response? Surely it's a good thing for women - who are not yet at menopause - to hear that some women don't have a bad time?!

midgetastic · Today 17:21

Jealousy and dislike of people because they are happy ? Go get the HRT!

This. ^ Not a good look @OptimismvsRealism Have a word with yourself. Your response to me is very rude - and uncalled for.

!

Agree op your response to @HungryLittleCrocodile was uncalled for. There is no ‘smug mil’ vibe, what a weird thing to say.

Hungry I think you sound fab. And you give me hope. Maybe it won’t all be bad!

You're a nasty creep describing other people's experiences as weird. So, receive as you give out. If you like your life, great. It isn't weird to hate it.

I don't want to die younger because of the menopause or possible atrophy.None of my friends want to either. We are all muddling on...

Sometimes I think there is a concerted campaign to tell women they are bound to be miserable after 40. While we all have different experiences, I don't think it's a good idea to expect doom and gloom for the next 40 years or we might ruin the good years we have left.

The only one coming across as a nasty creep right now is you OP…you need to start getting some help. Your thought patterns are not normal.

“I am still young enough to be a ride but I can no longer get pregnant, and that makes me a catch.”

My Mum said she thought that when she was 45 and met a bloke at work after being widowed with two kids 14 years earlier. Result? Me.

Reader, she married him (two months before I was born) and we were a family for 18 years until my dad died. She was gracious enough not to say so to me but I know she had regrets.

Thank you @Illstartexercisingtomorrow It was a vert rude response from the OP to me. Totally uncalled for. Some women are going to have different experiences to her, and they are entitled to post about them. Younger women need to be told that menopause isn't always awful.

The personal attacks the OP has fired at me are really quite unpleasant. 'Glad you had an easy time but not everyone is so fortunate' would have sufficed! No need for the vicious attacks on me @OptimismvsRealism I'm sorry you feel crappy, and menopause has not been good for you, but I am only posting about my own experience. And mine has been OK. Some women DO experience OK menopauses!

If men had menopause it would be cured? 🤣🤣🤣

Someone needs to go out more.

Op, the point in knowing about is that you are prepared for it and get treatment very quickly. It's a progressive condition. Don't treat it quick and you can be in a lot of pain, skin tore open, red raw, can't sit, can't walk. Women need to tell other women about it. Lots are living in bloody denial. Women need to tell their daughters about it. And the real problem is the medical profession are woefully lacking in their knowledge of it. Spoke to one women recently who had been given multiple courses of antibiotics because doctors thought she had an uti. She had atrophy. She was in agony.

I am making you aware to be helpful not to be smug. It is a horrible way to live daily when it gets bad.

Exactly this. ^ Thank you @CharlotteRumpling

Localised oestrogen in the form of cream or pessaries. Works wonders.

What exactly are you talking about?

When you said atrophy I assumed muscle atrophy. Do you mean urethral? I didn’t know that was a thing.

So if you are going to warn us all can you please warn us properly about a) what it is and b) what the treatment/options are to help.

I look at it this way.

From an evolutionary POV, it's menopause, or death at the end of fertility like most other animals. So I'd be about to breath my last, which I'm not keen on.

You can't cure something that's actually working the way it's supposed to.

Googled and found that smoking increases your chances of urethral atrophy. I dont smoke. I expect carrying on with a healthy diet and regular exercise helps everything up to a point. After that it's luck.

Having older friends helps. Apart from my fabulous mum, I have an incredibly cool older friend who is 62, still cheery and finding great pleasure in life. We are planning a weekend away soon!

Va, vaginal atrophy.

Symptoms are rawness, redness, pain, paper cuts, dryness, burning, urgency to pee, frequency to pee, everything shrinks and thins. Inside skin thins and tears, vagina shortens and narrows. It affects the whole area, vagina, vulva, including anal area. Treatment is pessary and cream but can take a long time to get it back to what it was and treatment is daily for life. The problem is we as women have no idea how long or how low our estrogen levels are unless we get checked, and we don't know individually how low ours has to go to affect the area.

Lots are living in bloody denial

We’re not. We’re just not affected. 🤷‍♀️

Averages are very misleading. Not all.women are average, just as not all men are average. Some women are stronger than some men. Some women are stronger than some other women.

You're entitled to post your experience. You're not entitled to describe other perspectives as "weird" (at least not without someone pointing out that that is a MIL judgy classic).