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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really, genuinely annoyed we have to go through menopause

326 replies

OptimismvsRealism · 11/07/2024 07:28

Honestly it's hard not to suspect that nature hates women - I feel like a second class member of the species

I hate the constant anxiety in my life now, hate that the choice to have a baby is probably gone, hate that no one respects older women (I always did!! I knew this would come for me eventually!), hate how long it takes to be "ready" for sex now

Why isn't this cured yet? If men had menopause it would be.

OP posts:
OptimismvsRealism · 11/07/2024 18:14

Sigh. I have never loved being alive tbh and now it looks like it's going to be even more of a drag. I wonder if I should just take up smoking and dangerous sports.

OP posts:
Jennywren8 · 11/07/2024 18:25

DustyLee123 · 11/07/2024 07:40

I hate the fact that my mind will frequently play me an embarrassing flash back from the past, and I will visibly cringe. Like, why? I don’t need to be reminded of these things that happened 40 years ago!
And why does my mind have me waking up worrying about things that will probably never happen, or going back over conversations I’ve had, wondering if that person thinks I’m mad/wrong.

I have that, I thought it was just me! When I am working at my desk I get flash backs of all sorts of things in my life spanning back 47 years. What's the body's rationale for this?!

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 18:52

@Corinthiana thats just it. You don't go through anything. Your periods stop for a year, you are then post menopausal. Symptoms can and do arise at any point until you die. You say you're fine, yes you are fine, now. A weeks time, a month, a year you have no idea when.

So many women still just don't get it. I've 2 older lady friends both late 70's. One started developing hot flushes at 78, the other 76 started with rage, not sleeping, agitated and anxious. Both managed to get on hrt and improved greatly. It can hit at any time. It's about being aware.

Iwasafool · 11/07/2024 18:53

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 17:24

Well then to you all just keep those fingers crossed. It can hit at any day at any time.

I wish someone had told me about it. I know of many women, with older relatives who are living in denial about how they are, truly.

As I said, some women can't be told.

But will it actually happen to everyone?

CharlotteRumpling · 11/07/2024 18:56

What do you suggest then @Tootsey11? Live in fear? If anything like that happens I will go to my GP. What else am I supposed to do? Your posts are baffling to me.

BIossomtoes · 11/07/2024 19:02

Iwasafool · 11/07/2024 18:53

But will it actually happen to everyone?

No. It hasn’t happened to me.

shellyleppard · 11/07/2024 19:07

I'm post menopausal for past two years. My sex drive disappeared completely, but it was starting to fade two years prior. I tried online dating, was chatting to a man. Explained that I had a very low sex drive....his reply I'll love you so hard it will come back 🤢🤢😵‍💫 . I'm no longer looking 🙄🙄

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 19:19

@CharlotteRumpling you don't do anything. But you are aware of the symptoms and seek promptly. That's the problem I'm trying to explain, lots don't know the symptoms, then get treated for thrush, uti's etc. In the meantime it's getting worse. It's awareness so you know it can happen. I believe the stats are 87% of women at some stage of their lives.

Iwasafool · 11/07/2024 19:22

BIossomtoes · 11/07/2024 19:02

No. It hasn’t happened to me.

Hasn't happened to me either but that poster said it would happen to everyone so it would be good if she admitted that isn't true. It isn't fair to scare people about something that might never happen to them.

Iwasafool · 11/07/2024 19:24

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 19:19

@CharlotteRumpling you don't do anything. But you are aware of the symptoms and seek promptly. That's the problem I'm trying to explain, lots don't know the symptoms, then get treated for thrush, uti's etc. In the meantime it's getting worse. It's awareness so you know it can happen. I believe the stats are 87% of women at some stage of their lives.

The problem is that in the first post you didn't give any information just falsely said it was going to happen to everyone. Sharing information about symptoms and treatment is great, scaremongering isn't.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 11/07/2024 19:25

BIossomtoes · 11/07/2024 19:02

No. It hasn’t happened to me.

Exactly! A bad menopause is not going happen to every woman. And I did not say that anybody was weird @OptimismvsRealism Get your facts straight! I just said that suggesting it's going to be 'a full decade of sorrow' (as YOU did!) is a weird thing to say, because it's simply not true. It may be true for you, and it may be true for some other women, but it's not true for every woman. And suggesting it is, is not a nice thing to do, because it's filling young women with fear and dread!

I know a number of women well into their 60s and 70s now who barely even noticed the menopause. I'm in my mid 50s myself and stopped my periods about four years ago, and I've barely noticed anything. Just a few hot flushes and low moods now and again.

I think it's a shame if some women have really dreadful bad menopauses, but taking it out on women who do have quite an easy time (or a moderate menopause,) and are happy past the age of 50-55 with no more childcare or periods or worrying about getting pregnant (and who just have an easier life than when they were younger,) is just not on! Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine any brighter.

Being so rude towards others who have a different and better experience, and are chilled and happy in their life, is just so unnecessary. . As several posters have suggested, I think you really need to see a doctor, because you clearly need some help. (Like maybe HRT.)

I won't be responding to you again on this thread, because I have said all I need to say to you now. I just suggest you think before you post in future, because you have not come across on this thread very well, and are clearly very angry. And that's a shame because a dialogue could have been opened here. You snapping at - and insulting posters you don't agree with has put paid to any decent debate.

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 19:35

@Blossomtoes it hasn't happened to you YET. Do you get it.

RosesAndHellebores · 11/07/2024 19:44

@tootsey11 if you read the thread you will see that Blossomtpes and I are a decade or more beyond the start of the menopause- the period after the last period.

BIossomtoes · 11/07/2024 19:49

RosesAndHellebores · 11/07/2024 19:44

@tootsey11 if you read the thread you will see that Blossomtpes and I are a decade or more beyond the start of the menopause- the period after the last period.

Exactly. My oestrogen levels have been suboptimal for over 20 years

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 19:55

You think you can't get atrophy in your sixties, seventies and eighties?

There's no trying to help some of you. The more awareness there is the better, but when women like you go "but I'm fine". Yeah you're fine, now.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 11/07/2024 19:56

RosesAndHellebores · 11/07/2024 19:44

@tootsey11 if you read the thread you will see that Blossomtpes and I are a decade or more beyond the start of the menopause- the period after the last period.

Exactly. As I said, I know a number of women (aged mid 60s to mid 70s - and a few in their 80s,) who have had the menopause already, and they didn't have too much of a bad time.

Some women I know (especially from early-mid 50s) have a much more chilled, laid back life now, with much less stress, for many reasons. No kids at home anymore, no periods, no expectations to climb the career ladder, no expectations to get a bigger or 'better house,' and no risk of getting pregnant. (A few of them don't even have sex anymore and they don't WANT it. And there is no expectation from their DH/DP to have it. Some don't even HAVE a DH or DP and are widowed or divorced or single.) And they are more confident and assertive and are happy.

It's like a few posters on here WANT every woman to have a bad time during their menopause, and to be miserable, and full of self-loathing, and they seem rather annoyed that some women don't experience this. Confused

Why can you (few) posters not just be happy that some women have fairly easy/moderate menopauses and are happy in their 50s/60s/70s etc? Why the negativity, and this 'you WILL be unhappy and have a shit few years at some time, I insist on it, and I am right about this and YOU are wrong.'

Get a grip, seriously!

RosesAndHellebores · 11/07/2024 20:03

@tootsey11 indeed, as I might get Cancer, heart disease, Parkinsons, dementia, etc. And if I do I shall have had a wonderful and non bitter life.

Atrophy of what by the way - it's a very broad term.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 11/07/2024 20:04

RosesAndHellebores · 11/07/2024 20:03

@tootsey11 indeed, as I might get Cancer, heart disease, Parkinsons, dementia, etc. And if I do I shall have had a wonderful and non bitter life.

Atrophy of what by the way - it's a very broad term.

Edited

👏

BIossomtoes · 11/07/2024 20:05

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 19:55

You think you can't get atrophy in your sixties, seventies and eighties?

There's no trying to help some of you. The more awareness there is the better, but when women like you go "but I'm fine". Yeah you're fine, now.

I think it’s extremely unlikely my oestrogen levels will fall any further after all this time. We’ve gone from all women to 80% to 87%. It’s not exactly compelling.

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 20:11

@HungryLittleCrocodile well that question just says it all!

Here we are talking about the MENOPAUSE, and I'm responding about atrophy, and you're asking atrophy of what. Your VAGINA. It just proves you haven't a clue what you are talking about and have no real idea what can happen to you as a woman.

As for the menopause in general, mine has been fine other that atrophy. But try helping some of you.

Fathomless · 11/07/2024 20:15

peopleare · 11/07/2024 07:31

YANBU. It sucks.

Ageing sucks. I’m really shocked by all the effects of ageing. I thought you just got a bit wrinklier and a bit slower. But no! It’s so much more than that!

I thought that too!! The first sign of ageing has been hot flushes, intense anxiety and back pain.

Tootsey11 · 11/07/2024 20:15

@BlackStrayCat not always easily treatable. It can take time, and getting treatment can be difficult through NHS.

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