Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

[ForBetterForWorseOrNot]

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

The desperation of women to be married.My God.It is 1954 but with tech.oh the humanity.take a mirror to his face and gut and his soon to be descended testicles and tell him to do one.As an employed woman you will be ok and your kids will admire u.

Love this, what an excellent explanation to this situation. I particularly like this definition "Individuals commit the sunk cost fallacy when they continue a behaviour or endeavour as a result of previously invested resources".

I think you either leave him now or you waste more of your life with this ar**hole and divorce him later. Especially as he believes this is a harmless opinion he holds about you. Seriously? He took a photo of you at what he believes is your worst and sent it to you as a way to humiliate you into capitulation.

What would you say to your closest friend in this situation? He sounds like an absolute cunt. Get rid of him and raise your standards??!

The abuse is most likely going to get worse. Why do you think he will suddenly be kind and tow the line and play nice during the divorce? The abuse will probably increase, the resentment will build, it will make for a horrible home life for everyone.

They own their house jointly and pay 50/50 I'd rather deal with that than a divorce and a share of a pension that we have no idea if it's worth much anyway

Hi OP, he is being seriously unkind. Weight is a sensitive issue and you acknowledge that you need to lose some is a step in the right direction. For him to say he wants to call off wedding due to your weight is unfair and cruel. I appreciate your shared history but I don't think that you can't risk marrying him. You will feel trapped and resentful. I think you should message your hen party with the facts. Take care and I wish you well with your weight loss journey and your future

Wow he's so shallow and a awful man. If you marry this man I personally think he will get worse and make you very miserable.

Congratulations for finding the strength to move on! Hip Hip Hooray, your future is waiting

I think you need to invest in a solicitor’s appointment, urgently. If you can walk away from this ‘relationship’ with half, then I think you would be making a massive mistake not to do so.

Photos on beach. Zoom in on his package. Send with pictures of rulers and microscopes along with the ring.

15 years is a long time. The rest of your life is also likely a long time to put up with this bloody twat. Honestly don't let yourself be treated like this.

What these awful men don’t realise is that they kill the love their partner has for them by such abusive behaviour. So much easier to split up without having to deal with divorce. Your heart will be lighter when you are free and your children will appreciate it. True love does not depend on your weight.
Good luck

have you heard the expression "In vino veritas" - it means that when some one is drunk (in wine, there is the truth) they tend to speak their minds as they are less inhibited by social norms. This is what he really thinks even if when he's sober he tries to retract these comments and photos and texts, this is what he really thinks of you.
I agree with the other posters who are saying that this is a form of abuse, and also to look at 'sunk costs' fallacy. Just because you've spent 15 years with this man doesn't and shouldn't mean that you have to spend the next 45 or more with him.
Send a text message out to the people invited to the hen weekend first - saying that the hen has been called off and you'll contact them later with details.
Then contact the vendors/suppliers that you've arranged for the wedding. Give them enough notice and you may get some money back. I'd try to make sure as much of that returned money makes it way back to YOU and not your boyfriend as you'll need it for rent/expenses.
That's what I would do and I would drive home today with the kids.

What a horrible, horrible man. Please don’t marry him.

WHY do you 'love him to bits'?

He's really done a number on you if you think he's the best out there.

Hint: He's not.

I;ve read some of the other replies

Marry him

Get your ducks in a row

Divorce him

I'm definitely in the majority camp of please don't marry this man, even if you don't spilt up right now. It won't get better and although it feels scary, you will eventually realise you've done a lot of grieving for the relationship already even though you're still in it. I can only assume he is some kind of supermodel Adonis himself that he feels so entitled to say these nasty things to you...the person he is supposed to love most! I'm so sorry, you don't deserve such cruelty in what should be a happy time.

F*ck whether he thinks you're worth it:

OP, what do YOU think you're worth?

Marrying a man who sends you photos of you, zoomed in, for the purpose of expressing his dissatisfaction with your weight?

OP. Please. Please don't marry this man. Bluntly, those 15 years don't mean shit. They've passed. They've been. Nothing can change them. It is sunk cost fallacy to use them as a reason to continue with this relationship and marriage.

The rest of your life starts every day. The rest of your life will happen anyway. Do you want it to be years and years next to a man who treats you like dirt on his shoe, to be shaped to his preferences and emotionally abused? Or do you want the rest of your life to be different?

Do you want your children to see that this is what love is? Because they will re-enact it in their own lives.

@LookItsMeAgain has shown you what you need to do practically. It's your life to live, preferably without a dickhead like him in it.

I’m sorry he’s made you feel that you aren’t worthy of someone better than this

personally if someone told me they’d only marry me if I was a certain dress size, the two words I’d be saying, certainly wouldn’t be I do…

I appreciate 15 years is a long time but unless you’ve missed out the drip feed about his other exceptional qualities he just sounds like a nasty bully who enjoys putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself

@@ForBetterForWorseOrNot I can imagine your head being all over the place today. Like pps have said, you may have been there for him but it doesn’t sound like he’s there for you.
As background for you, my Dp has put on considerable weight since we’ve been together I’ve never mentioned it as I love him and I am still very attracted to him. It has only become an open conversation recently as it’s affecting his health. The only conversations I’ve had is how I can help, which is to stop making puddings. Stop buying treats and make him healthier and lower fat meals that we both consume. I’ve never fat shamed as I don’t feel that way about his weight, there is more to him than that and I would nevrt hurt him like that. I know it’s not easy to LTB but he is horrible. The fact he deleted the messages shows what a calculated bastard he is!

This!

what a rat! dont marry him.

FUCKING HELL!! this is horrifying

OP he is a total arsehole YANBU

Holy shit. Please tell me she left him?

The worst thing was that he was a very long way away from being Brad Pitt.

No. No that is really NOT the worst thing about anything in that post.

Coercive control is a crime. Did no one try and help the poor woman? Sounds like it was an open secret but just a topic of gossip...in a school FFS!