To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

“I don't accept "something will turn up" as a plan.”

You don’t have to accept anything concerning anyone else, it’s none of your business if people save or don’t save and you have zero rights to be angry at it. You just concern yourself with your own business

"Because they'll live longer than they should have"? Wow, that's cold.

Well, that’s what sensible people with a good income do. I wouldn’t say that’s ‘most’ people. There are a lot of reasons some people find those measures impossible, ranging from poverty to poor education to disability/illness.

I am in my 70s and many of my friends are in their 80s. Most of us are doing just fine, living independently in our own homes, still driving around and having a good life. DH and I have insurance provision should we need to have carers/go into a home, but we are comforted by the fact that he proportion of the usual resident population aged 65 years and over living in a care home decreased from 3.2% in 2011 to 2.5% in 2021 - in other words, 97.5% of the population aged 65 and over do NOT live in a care home. I think these are reasonable odds so that I don't have to worry too much. You seem to be very angry and also scaremongering. Old age isn't that bad for the majority of us, you know. I do go to quite a few funerals, but mostly these are for people who have had heart attacks or a short illness and died quickly. I hope that's how I go!

Usually because they're trying to survive today. Eat, feed their kids, put a roof over their heads. That sort of thing.

It's not hard to figure out

Your poor parents.
I care for mine, it's bloody hard work as both are ill (I also have a ft job). But they're my mum and dad and I love them.

I'm extremely angry to find out that my mid 50s husband has not made retirement plans, despite us having earnt about the same over our life course. He has very little pension. I have made sure I have a liveable pension.

Furious as I would like to leave him. Had thought it could be quite a clean split as I assumed our assets are similar, but now the fucking feckless bastard will be able to take a fuck ton of my pension, meaning I will have a basic rather than liveable old age.

My only explanation for this is that he is fucking idiot who can't think ahead to plan anything.

I also know someone who proudly announced she was not saving for a pension as she might die before then and life is for living now. Turns out she did have a retirement plan which was an asset her husband has. Upon divorce she discovered it was in his family's name and she had no claim on it.

Because even the best laid plans can go tits up in a split second.

You do know that most of us people do not spend years sitting in a care- home - I think it is only about 2m over 65s are in care home and mainly it is those with dementia who lack most self awareness of where they are.
I am 77, my sister is 83 and we both still live on our own - in my road there is one centenarian, 5 people in their 70s and 3 in their 80s. Nobody is 'fine with going into a care home' -do not insult us.

I did make plans for my retirement by having a small annuity to add to my state pension (which I worked full time for 40 years for - by the way).
The people who have made no plans are either reliant on benefits already and see no reason for that not to continue or they have been unable to save sufficient because of bereavement, ill health or other unexpected events.

OP YABU - most of us try to plan - but life can get in the way.

Exactly right!

I am glad I have a more optimistic view of life than the OP! You sound so angry, and it really isn't up to you to suggest we all ask to die when we have overstayed our welcome!

Quite. I'm angry that people can't see it. I wonder why?

@OptimismvsRealism What plans have you made?
I cared for my mother until her death. She had a dignified end and I don’t regret it.
We didn’t have the best relationship but spending the last year of her life with her helped me heal and I hope, helped my mum.
I will do the same for my dad when he can’t look after himself.
I do think euthanasia should be legal in the UK.
Death is scary to a lot of people and I get why prepping for it is not a priority for many.

My plan is to go to that place in Switzerland the minute I become incapacitated, will that do you?

I kinds agree with you OP.

Having a plan isn't just about money. It's about doing what you can while you're physically still able or having conversations with the people that will be left to do it.
Both my parents have health issues. My Dad did everything at home, cooking, shopping, organising repairs, paying all bills etc. However he's had a stroke and although recovered, is likely to die first - my mother doesn't even know what bank account her state pension is paid into, yet she is very likely going to have to take over managing everything soon. We've had to move beds downstairs, get carers and sort out nearly 80 years worth of accumulated possessions.
Damn right I wish they'd started to sort some of this stuff out earlier. I'm making a downstairs wet room as soon as I can, because having a stranger wash your arse while you lean on a chair in the living room as you can no longer make it upstairs to shower is fucking degrading for Dad, but the alternative is getting infections and ending up in hospital.

There is very little help for people that are 'just about' financially, physically and mentally above the limit of state intervention.

Why are working people being given Top up benefits? It’s not like they’re being given wads of cash to slows around, benefits are given to people who would not otherwise have enough money to live. The problem is, the erosion of job security, rights and wages has meant that many people are working, and yet still in poverty, and have to be propped up by the state. If the state actually adequately, protected workers rights people wouodnt be earning poverty wages.
this is one reason why socialism is rational and neoliberalism dooms us to unequal lives

Old age is a really vague term, some people are sprightly and perfectly able to look after themselves at 80 or 90, others are old before their time due to illness early onset dementia etc. Which should we be planning for?

And what sort of plan? It's very difficult to plan for something that may turn out totally different than you expected.

Are you angry because your parents both want to die and assisted dying isn’t legal in this country or is it you just wish they would kill themselves to save you any responsibility as they age? Your posts read the latter to me.

Do you have a difficult relationship with your parents OP? Is your post in relation to the care they are expecting to receive from you?

In an ideal world of course everyone would plan for their future. This isn't always possible unfortunately as so many people are living pay cheque to pay cheque and it's not always possible to save as rainy days are coming frequently (at least in my experience!)

I think euthanasing someone because they don't have a pension you deem large enough is absolutely revolting. How rich do you need to be to live to older age?

well, yes you are expected to pay for others

The same people who pay for your education, and everything you benefited from or used until you paid enough tax to cover at least your cost, your children cost - and for most people, their tax don't cover any of that.

That's how it works

Both my parents dropped dead in their home quite suddenly in their 80s, not sure if they had made plans to do this

All sorts of reasons. Some people can't plan for next month, or even their next meal, as they don't have the resources. For others it creeps up on them as time just passes. I think many lack the financial education to plan properly too. I can't tell you how many times I've been told by someone that their property is their pension fund. They don't seem to realise if they downsize and get 150k that won't last long. The auto enrolment pension regulations also give a false sense of security I think. People believe that if they are paying into a scheme mandated by the government it should mean they'll have enough money when they retire.

Three of my four grandparents died out of the blue. Woke up fine, had a good day (one on holiday, one gave birth to a healthy son, one on his way home from a session in the pub), died. My other grandfather lived at home in good health until he was 96, went into hospital with flu and pneumonia, and died a week later.

They could have spent their days preparing for old age, disability and death, and it would have been pointless. Actually you can't prepare. Having money makes very little difference in my opinion. When I look at relatives who saved and ones who didn't, I don't think it was worth sacrificing much.

What's funny is the anger against people who don't plan for their future,

and on the same forum the anger against these evil landlords buying properties to fund their retirement.

Whatever you do, or don't do, you will always raise some kind of upset.

Thanks for the explanation. I am so angry about it all and at a time when their son needs all and every support. I know it can't be helped but there has been zero thought about what would happen to them in the future despite the knowledge of dementia in the family.

My husband also has a sibling who is also hands on with it all so its not me making any decisions regarding their care or finances.

Its not meant to be vindictive but its honest. Someone else will have control over you when you lose capacity whether it be family or social services.