To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

I sound justifiably angry. I have no obligation to be charming with it, and again, its a lack of intelligence, particularly emotional intelligence, to think that I should.

What's the reason for your thread - have you been lumbered with elderly parents who have made no plans and you are now lumbered with sorting them out?

I can't afford to make plans for my old age, I'm lucky ish that I'll have my teachers pension, whatever that will be worth in years to come but otherwise it's all hands on deck for now rather than later as scary as that is

I've thought about my old age. Working in care makes the reality quite stark.

However in a practical sense all I can do is try to stay healthy and active. I have no savings due to being a single parent on a low income for the last 26years. No assets as I'm in a council property. There is little I can do to support myself in the long term unless I suddenly get a high paying job for the rest of my working life. I can downsize my house and hope my children want to offer some support but I'm pretty much going to be at the mercy of the system at that point.

But they don’t need to, do they? The taxpayers pay or they’re forced to pay from the sale of their assets.

How on earth did you not know? didn’t you ever in your marriage have a conversation about mortgages, pensions etc. did you not communicate at all?

Having PoAs in place together with a Will is a good start. Talk to your NOK how you want to be cared for. At some point, DNR needs to be put in place too.

Prepare for dying too. Even if you think you have nothing, your Will can detail who gets your personal stuff and how you want your remains dealt with.

An outline of any service/celebration/memorial is useful too. Having had to plan three funerals, an idea of the deceased person's wishes would have made things much easier every time.

There's a lot of life admin that needs dealing with as you get older. Know your rights and entitlements. It might make the difference to having a more comfortable old age.

Old age sounds much worse than death to me so I'll be avoiding it, one way or another.
The only way to avoid old age IS death so do the necessary when the time comes - hopefully assisted suicide will be legal by then as you may suddenly lose the faculties to do the deed on your own.

Eh, the climate crisis will likely have killed us all by the time I'm approaching 80, so I'm not worrying too much about it.

If your parents spend everything while they can enjoy it, then they won't have a plan for their old age. Inheritance tends to come from those who have done exactly as you suggest in your post.

Because I will be expected to care for/worry about my parents because they'll live longer than they should have.

“live longer than the should have”… aren’t you sounding lovely.

Yes we planned and instead of spending £1200 a week staying in nice hotels in the sunshine it is being spent on a care home. Not what we expected or wanted and wished we had done the spending earlier.

Planning for care in later life needs to be addressed because at the moment many can’t afford to do this, and some just don’t bother, believing that the local authority will pick up the tab. When we were looking into mums’ care we were advised that self funders who choose a home which accepts LA funded residents will effectively be subsidising them from their own funding pot. The system as it is isn’t sustainable and some form of additional ring fenced national insurance would seem to be the answer.

You want them to spend their money but you’ve started a thread moaning people aren’t saving for old age…

It's also a hideously offensive thing to say to the families of people who have "avoided" old age.

Plus, what age does PP intend to take action to avoid it? Whilst fit and well?

Those who save or have property or assets to sell to fund their care end up subsidising Local Authority residents, so it’s not just the tax payer who coughs up.

I think it’s more people think children will look after them and refuse a cleaner/carer etc when the means are there to pay for one and don’t care that their child is driven into the ground. Or expecting to move in with family

I think you have a very negative idea of what old age is / looks like.

Most people will not be ‘sitting around in nappies’ with pressure sores and to suggest they will is ignorant and ageist. You don’t want to live through ill health, that’s your choice, you don’t want to help your parents and have help from anyone else, that’s your choice. You do you.

But to get angry with people who don’t make the same choices as you because their circumstances are different from yours is incredibly rude and demonstrates some limitations in your ability to think beyond your own experience.

It's about not planning.
telling your family your wishes while you have capacity, at the very least.

That doesn't have to involve money. It's about having the conversation.

Bob, all love

Denial. Because we all think it’s not going to happen to us, we’ll just slow down a bit, maybe some aches and pains but manage fine until one day in our 80s we’ll go to bed and die quietly in our sleep.

my DM used to rage about how my grandma lived in the family home too long, left it too late to downsize and expected her, an only child, to be at her beck and call fixing everything for her. She was run ragged getting grandma into a sheltered flat, selling the house, going round her flat once or twice a day to check on her. Mum was adamant she was not going to age that way.

you know what? Mum aged exactly that way, and now I am in the same position as mum was 30 years ago. Mum was always - I’m not moving just yet, I’m fine now. Another year in the house. Then she developed dementia/Parkinsons and now she refuses to as she’s lived in that house for 50 years and is scared to move. And her loss of brain function means she doesn’t see the impact it has on me or realise how lucky she is to have me.

I don’t have kids. I know full well that if I live as long I’ll be at the mercy of whatever form Social Services will take if I don’t start planning now.

Quite right. Seething with futile rage is definitely the way forward.

I'm not well off , I'm a nurse and can't afford the £350 I would need to pay into my pension. But I'm miles better off than you OP as I don't spend time getting angry and resenting others like you seem to be doing.

Old person here again. I don't want to downsize and get rid of my possessions. I enjoy living in a large old and inconvenient house with a very big garden. I love having all my books and ornaments around me. I enjoy having a very well-equipped kitchen and plenty of room to put up guests. I find the notion of 'death cleansing' abhorrent - what would I do, just sit in a small, sterile space with nothing around me and wait to die? No thanks! When the time comes and we can't look after this house and garden, we'll sell it and move somewhere more sensible. If we drop dead before that happens, DD has been told to get in a house clearance firm or a charity to get rid of everything. I had to do that when my mother died, as I was living overseas at the time. Don't forget that many older people are healthy and live productive, happy lives. We do a lot of voluntary work for various charities and we travel and socialise a lot. Life is good, even though we know it will end sooner or later. We cannot plan for what will happen next, as we simply don't know. We may end up in care homes, or we may just die quickly - my friend's father was still living a very good life in his own home at 99 years old when he suffered a ruptured bowel and died within a few hours. So many of you seem to think that old age is all doom and gloom. It doesn't have to be, honestly!

Do you think not having it would just push everyone to get top careers earn loads and pay for everything. There are top up's for a reason. The government know why they donor.