To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

What an ignorant comment. Watch Liz Carr documentary on BBC iplayer and it will make you think twice about euthanasia

Most people actually don't ever need care

Retirement planners tell you to ignore it as it's unlikely to impact you

happy to just give me a moment as dealing with something

So @I8toys

Have you downsized yet?

Do you not think people would like to save what they can? But they have to prioritise paying their mortgage / rent / saving for deposit, living costs, childcare.

@OptimismvsRealism it would really help if you were clearer.

or are we in territory where you can’t be clearer because of various taboos?

I've still got 2 kids at home so not yet. I've cleared the loft and garage out though. Got rid of lots of superfluous stuff.

excellent! Love how you are satirising the people who are so moved by what someone else does that they post on MN to tell them not to be so moved that they post on MN!

No - I don't think it's possible to buy your way out of this problem.

This sums it up for most people.

It's unlikely to be for years. If you are that frail and vulnerable, it probably won't be for very long.

I do have a pension - 2 actually.

Apart from that, I have too much going on with DS with DH and I trying to work around his needs and that's our priority.

So what ‘plan’ are you suggesting? To hoard meds to overdose on when one attains a certain age?

I’m kind of with you in that I believe we have made life prolonging treatment the goal rather than life enhancing treatment. I can see a very real prospect of people working until they are broken - then falling into poverty very quickly and left to rot in old age but not being allowed a dignified exit. Everyone will die and it surprises me that we haven’t worked out how to make it the most peaceful experience possible and that people actively don’t talk about it. Assisted suicide on request should have safeguards but I would like it as an option while I respect others would definitely not choose it.
Although I will take care of my mother come what may without expectation, and I feel lucky that we have the relationship that makes me feel that way.

Pay day surely? No one is paid by cheque.

This so much. So many people say “I don’t want my kids to care for me” when they don’t actually know what that means.

Even now what the state and the private sector will provide is pretty much bare minimum keeping you alive care.

My dad was in a care home, the hospital lost his false teeth and it was up to me to replace them, no one else noticed or cared. Clothes, haircuts, glasses, bank accounts, bus passes etc are not going to be sorted by the state.

OptimismvsRealism · Today 14:48
Guys, you do know a lot of us will be sitting developing bed sores in nappies for years? Why are you all fine with this?

So what do you suggest? At the first sign of my cognition fading, or my savings not being adequate, I tidy myself away? Claim my right to euthanasia?
If that is what this thread is about, just say so.

Given since my great grandparents generation not a single one of my family made it to anywhere near old age (or even retirement age) before shuffling off and my own long list of life shortening disabilities I don't really see the point in worrying about stuff that is unlikely to happen.

Not sure what magic plan I'm suppose to make anyway? It seems like something able people in fortunate positions of making lots of money would say.

Is this a post about assisted dying then?

Yes, this. My friend's father has been sectioned, she's not responsible for his care at all, he's in hospital and has been for a year. She still has almost a full time job looking after his needs, visiting, dealing with doctors and his affairs.

People are free to live in denial if they want. If he had money and enjoyed counting it, so what? They do not have to throw things away for your convenience.

"We moved them out..." I'm sure it was a nightmare but there are people involved, they might be old but they have feelings. People with dementia have feelings.

I am sorry your husband had to go through radiotherapy and that must have been hard for both of you.

"People say you won't put me in a home, well my dear that decision will be taken away from you when you have no capacity." It just sounded a bit vindictive.

My advice is: do whatever the hell you want, you don't have to downsize if you don't want to or give your money away TO YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW yes I'm looking at you 18toys

How exactly are we supposed to plan for old age?
And what do you mean by end up in a bad way?
I mean, I'm exercising and plan to carry on doing that into my dotage, I've got a few quid savings and could install a downstairs bathroom for if I can't climb stairs.
But beyond that, there's little I can do - no way I'd ever be able to afford private care

I tell my kids frequently (and will again as I age) that they should never be giving up their jobs / careers / life to care for me. I’m a chatty outgoing person so I’m sure I’d be happy enough in a home with others to chat to, and family come and visit!

I have a decent pension, and that’s not an accident, so I do get what OP is saying, but life doesn’t always run to plan. I was a teenage mum, so it wasn’t easy getting an education and good job, and good pension. So I do feel sometimes women especially have no pension, they are a stay at home mum and unmarried and aren’t asking their partner to contribute to a pension for them. Many continue to be a SAHM long after kids start school. Personal choice but there’s careers out there that don’t exclude mums who have had a long break and pay good pensions. If I was in that boat, I’d be sorting it out, and not just waiting for retirement to come and then panic

I agree with you @OptimismvsRealism

I probably haven't planned as well as I could have done for old age. But I at least have a plan to downsize to release capital in my 70s and to buy somewhere with a downstairs bedroom & bathroom in case the stairs end up becoming too much. And not live anywhere too rural or long distance from things I may need in old age like local shops in case I have to give up driving and a local hospital not too far away.

My partner's pension company went bust so there went his pension! And even though they're being prosecuted over serious mismanagement, that won't get the money back.

We deliberately didn't have kids, so the idea is to either downsize (which we've already done once but we're happy to do so again to a flat) or sell the house to pay for care as we have no one to leave it to so it doesn't matter!

That's about all the planning I can do as who knows, I might get run over by a cyclist tomorrow.