To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

I only spoke to them for about 10 minutes and not in the depth that I have gone into on here.

Anyway, I am going to sleep now. Goodnight. Thank you awfully for your kind words. Much appreciated.

Because I will be expected to care for/worry about my parents because they'll live longer than they should have.

That's... wow.

Can't afford to save, living hand to mouth.

As for a plan? That requires money I don't have. I don't know what I'll do. But I don't have a particular desire to grow really old. The thought of living another 30-40 years has little appeal.

Because it's pointless. My parents have been frugal their whole lives, bought their council house, never had holidays, one old car. They have a reasonable amount of savings now, but my Dad has Alzheimers, care is thousands, a whole lifetime of scrimping and saving will be wiped out in a very short amount of time and he'll be at the mercy of state care.
Just what was the point.

We have nothing to save anyway.

Well I daresay it is difficult - but not impossible - to navigate old age on your own. However, many people manage it. You, however, are unlikely to be one of them, simply because of your attitude.

I find it very weird that you encounter so many only children in your daily life, all with the same issues. So many people on this thread have pointed out that you have a real problem - and yet you continue to insist that there are many, many, others who feel exactly the same way. I am much older than you and have yet to meet ONE of them.

There is no helping you. You will continue to badger people about how they will cope with their parents' old age, and their own old age, and wallow in self pity while those with a more can do attitude and a bit of reslience will manage much better.

PS - You have a partner for crying out loud, which is more than what I have. I feel rather sorry for your poor partner because apparently they are not classed as family!

You have written the same sort of rubbish on so many threads about only children, childless people etc. etc. You will not be told that you are wrong, or that it is ridiculous to spend so much of your life worrying about what might/might not happen. It seems you have even had counselling, which obviously hasn't worked. I really don't know what is wrong with you, but your feelings are not normal.

Thank you for your reply.

To be fair though, it isn't just me that thinks that. Every time someone starts a thread about old age and those without children, parents go on and say things to wind us up. The last one (a few weeks ago) included someone who was extremely bitter about their old family members without children. It was all about how it had ruined their (the poster's) life for a decade. On the plus side, I won't inflict that on anyone, as I don't have anyone (younger) to lean on. I do have a lot of money to pay for care and I can probably afford the best of the best, which I should be grateful for.

P. S I do class my partner as family! But even if I didn't, I wouldn't be the only one who didn't. There are people on here that don't even class their children as family! Just their 'family of origin' (as in their parents). I see that a lot. I find that very strange.

@Strawberriesandpears at the end of the day you are still CHOOSING to read these things. Nobody can "wind" you up unless you allow them and I agree with what @ForGreyKoala said, I don't even have a partner and am an only child with chronic health problems but don't spend all day long pondering on it

There is no point really in even trying to say anything because you seem to find a problem for any solution we give

What is the 'solution' though, practically? It seems to be 'just don't worry about it'. This is a thread about planning for old age, hence why I am discussing practical issues - how to combat lonliness, how to access care etc. There are other issues too - who do you appoint as a power of attorney, what happens if you get dementia? What happens if your carer mistreats you or steals from you (I have seen that happen) and there is nobody to stand up for you? What are the 'solutions' here?

I am really glad to hear that you don't worry about this stuff, but I do.

By the way, I think it is a tragedy that I have to worry about this so much. But that is the way the system in this country is set up (unless anyone in the know can tell me otherwise). Without a family in old age, you are extremely vulnerable.

@Strawberriesandpears sorry but I disagree and no longer want to engage. Have a nice day

I'm sorry this is absolute rubbish and fear mongering at the best. I work with lots of care companies and can't think of one instance where people don't receive care because "they have no one looking out for them". Local authorities can apply for guardianship if there comes a point where someone can't make decisions for themselves and does not have anyone who can do this for him.

I commission care. I've had many people that do not have families or not have families involved and it not "impossible to negotiate". Most times its actually easier because I don't have to work with the competing views of various family members making things harder. You are speaking of things you have no knowledge of and using your own hysterical thoughts as evidence of why things will be so hard for you.

And the vast amount of abuse cases we see involving money being stolen comes from family members being involved.

Because most people live in routine and don't think beyond the next few years. It's pretty normative.

My gran was great to save all her life but a flood that ruined her home last year wiped out much of her savings because while she had insurance, everything needed to be replaced. Sure we can all prepare but should also make allowances that things can and do crop up along the way

I suppose its about getting some sort of balance. It seems sensible to consider old age and extreme old age. My parents refused to listen to anything other than outsiders. They did as they pleased and clung on until the end. An almightly mess.

If an adult is deemed to have capacity, there is little anybody can do.

We have less power than we think.

So balance is key. Its not at all easy.

Thank you. See, that is really helpful. I admit I have no knowledge of these things. I have been trying to find out, but don't know anyone who works in elderly care and haven't been able to dig out the information online.

I know I have been a pain on this thread, and I am sorry for that, but ultimately what I want to do is prepare. I don't want to be a burden on anyone - especially when I don't have a family. I don't want to end up being a burden on a friend or a neighbour. That's one of the reasons I am so keen to find out as much as I can and prepare.

And it is not a "tragedy" you have to worry about this. I've never read so much self pitying and hysteria from one person. You say yourself you have a good financial means and a partner so you're in a damn sight better position than most. You come across as incredibly ungrateful when you sound like you have a lot in your life in your favour.

Everyone has to make plans for old age and think about it whether they have family or not. I don't know why you think you're different from the rest of us. Having siblings and children does not automatically mean you're going to have some sort of in built support network.

Being an only child is not the worst thing in the world. There are people out there who suffer genuine hardship such as abuse and poverty in life. These things are tragic. Being an only child with a partner and significantly financial means isn't. It doesn't even register as a "tragedy". I really suggest you get a grip on reality and get some professional support to give you some perspective

That's one of the reasons I am so keen to find out as much as I can and prepare.

And yet you have zero interest in hearing any of the good news from those on this thread who have lived experience of these things... Anyway, here are some pages of links to some of the plethora of books you could read, if keen:

Amazon.co.uk: Ageing Books

Amazon.co.uk : sir muir gray

Amazon.co.uk : the age well project

I didn't mean my circumstances are a 'tragedy'. I meant it was sad that it had taken over my thoughts like this - as in like a mental health issue.

And I was also thanking you for providing the insight from your work assessing older people for care. You seem to have overlooked that, so I will say it again - thank you.

Thank you. See that is practical advice. You aren't just telling me that I am over dramatic for worrying like before.

I make my plans because I have adult children. I want to make my old age easier on them where I can.

1. Get affairs in order, will and so on
2. Get therapy
3. Try to get outside, find things you enjoy.
4. I get it, its not easy.