To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

@Melisha yes, my great uncle was put on the Liverpool Care Pathway. It still upsets me to think about it. I'm glad people remember

Many many people do their very best to try to prepare for old age by taking care of their health and saving money, but life isn't linear, accidents and Illness happens and sometimes the best laid plans can go totally awry even if someone always tried to do their very best to prepare

Regarding some of my posts about the fear of being left alone as an only child, I found the following on another forum and thought I would share to show that it is a genuine fear and concern that some of us only children have. This is from an adult only child who has recently lost their mother:

'My whole family is gone now, it's just me in our house surrounded by our special memories. I am terrified all the time. I sleep on the couch with the TV on. I wake up every few hours shaking, knowing I am in the house all alone. Things that never bothered me before scare me now. No one to eat with, share inside jokes with or ask how I am feeling. No one for me to care for. My life's purpose is gone. All our traditions are gone.

The more days I am alone, the worse it gets. I imagine my mother crying in heaven as she watches what I am going through. She would never have wanted this for me - fear, suffering and lonliness'.

Imagine reading that and knowing there is a significant chance that it is your future. Heartbreaking and terrifying in equal measures.

@Strawberriesandpears
I'm an only child and don't feel like this at all. This is a snapshot of one persons view. If you always look for negative depressing things online, you will find plenty of them. I could also be alone in old age but what's the point in wasting the next number of years worrying about it and pushing away the few people I do have in my life

@Strawberriesandpears I'm so sorry you are feeling like that.

I am an only child whose mother recently died, thank god! Couldnt stand the woman, all she cared about was her effing dogs.
Sounds like you had a much nicer one than I did.

Imagine reading that and knowing there is a significant chance that it is your future. Heartbreaking and terrifying in equal measures.

Jesus fucking H Christ. That is one (grieving) woman's perspective. Some of us have been on our own (gasp) for decades, and loving it.

Fair enough, that is your perspective. I am just sharing another (and without the bad language). Glad to hear you are happy though.

Aged care homes are also known as nursing homes or residential aged care facilities.

Move to an aged care home, things to be aware of | NSW Government

In which, only 1% of Australians older than 65 reside, I might add.

Older Australians, Housing and living arrangements - Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (aihw.gov.au)

By "the future" I mean in five or so years, and anyway I'm not looking for friends who will help me when I'm old - that seems weird - more something like church groups. In my town there are a couple of organisations for seniors and I will probably join them - when I feel "old enough"!

I still consider myself young, and have friends in their early 70s who still appear young to me. I am completely opposite to you in my views and don't spend every waking minute worrying about my old age. My parents have only recently died, this is now "my" time and I am not going to ruin it by worrying about the distant future. I do have an exDH btw, who I could rely on should anything untoward happen in the near future.

I don't mean to sound unkind, but you really do seem to have some sort of issue around this.

Oooh, bad language. That is another side-effect of ageing.

You shared one grieving woman's rather histrionic freakout. It is most unusual. Every older woman I know lives on their own happy as Larry, with rich, full, vibrant lives, and would crack up laughing if they read your projections of the "terrors" ahead for younger people.

Kindly, I suspect you are searching out people who feel as you do. There are lots of only children in the world - I have never met one who spends so much time feeling sorry for themselves about it as you do. My DF died last year and I felt nothing like the adult child you quote, nothing at all. I'm not fearful, suffering, or lonely. When I read what that person wrote I feel like telling them to get a grip tbh.

There is a circle of life in which everyone dies. We have to accept that, put the thought aside, and get on with life.

That sounds sensible. I see what you mean now regarding groups.

I admit, I do have an issue. I am genuinely terrified. I wish I could shake the fear, but I can't.

I read a blog from a lady in her 70s who is an only child with no family and it paints a very grim and bleak future. It has convinced me that that is what lies ahead for me.

Ah OK, we'll that does make me feel the future could be more positive. I just don't know though. I am still relatively young (under 40). Maybe age will bring wisdom. It's hard to look far into the future when it's still a long way off.

Understood and taken on board. I am not someone who usually wallows or feels sorry for themself, but I do feel I have seriously missed out on the family front. And I hate how society places so much emphasis on family 'being everything'. Makes me feel worthless and a failure.

The best thing you can do to prepare for a good older age is to take care of yourself and your body in the present, starting wherever you are. Eating a good diet, and exercising - moving your body. Don't smoke. Don't drink alcohol in excess. Stay off sunbeds. Hydrate. Moisturise. Use sunscreen, etc. All the obvious, but exercise and a Mediterranean-style diet ( according to every book by an expert on ageing that I have read) are key.

Financial preparations are sensible, if you are able. Getting your own property, and working towards paying it off fully, would be ideal, but is not doable for many now.

People have very different old ages now. Of course, there are illnesses and accidents that no-one would wish upon another and don't expect, but the bulk of older people these days do not even consider themselves old.

Check out Ask Old People on reddit for examples, and tips.

Do you have kids and/or nieces and nephews though?

Right. Australia. In the UK, where the majority of the posters on this site reside, there is a difference between care and nursing homes, as described previously.

Needless to say, ageing is a human condition. And residential care - whether that be called a nursing or care home - is not where most of us end up, according to multiple reports online and in books. I used the terms interchangeably to state this in successive posts.

I really think you are doing yourself a disfavour by looking for these miserable people. Life is for living, not trying to search for things to feed your anxiety and misery.

No. I am an only child and didn't have children (by choice).

Once again, I don't feel worthless or a failure. No-one can "make" you feel anything about yourself.

Aren't you a hoot. Not everyone is rotting in nappies with bedsores in old age. Not everyone can afford to save for a day that might never come. Even if it does come, some people are just trying to survive each day.

Apologies-I later saw you mentioned that on an earlier page. I know how that poster feels to an extent. it's mainly at night when I can't sleep do I get to panicking about being alone and ill-and I'm only in my 30s! I do have anxiety though. Sickness is scary and I feel like you are forced to go through it with little relief. Add on old age and risk of falls and no one to call on you and it's worrying.

Mind you having family members to worry about when they're ill is scary too-having that responsibility, when to call for help, trying to advocate for them etc. I'm basically the sole person to do that for my mum as my siblings are too busy and I do worry I'm not the best person to have that responsibility.

I am in my mid-60s and learned a long time ago that the things I wasted time worrying about either never happened, or if they did I coped with them just fine.

Build a solid network of friends. My friends are my family and we are much closer than I am with my sister.