Reasons you wouldn’t move to US

[Preiu]

Dh has been offered a job in the US. The increase in salary would put us into a completely different wealth bracket but I really don’t want to move.

• fear of home invasion with guns
• school shooting - guns in general I guess
• American exceptionalism attitude annoys me
• Being away from family
• Not having Europe on doorstep

Can I ask if you have any other reasons

Lack of ‘real’ food without 1000s of additives and chemicals which are rightly banned in the EU.

There is plenty of "real" food, ffs!

Thank you, @CloudywMeatballs

Your comprehensive post is a much better approach than addressing the piecemeal attacks individuals were making, which I had started to do.

I’ve taught in excellent universities in both countries and on that basis I prefer the US secondary education system. It seems to produce university students with more initiative, ability for independent enquiry, ability to pace their learning, and willingness to ask questions.

I sympathise hugely with the primal fear of school shootings but it is so overblown, statistically, that I don’t understand it.

None of this us to say that America is a paradise - far from it - but much on this thread reads to an outsider like people in glass houses throwing stones

Connecticut is a beautiful place, as is NY state. You'll probably have health insurance, so that won't be a worry. Both are close to Boston - my favourite US city. Also, it isn't that far to fly to Europe from eastern US.

I'd still worry about guns and Trump though.

Nobody is happy to live with children being shot in school. If you truly believe that, I despair.

What to do about it is where there is disagreement.

This is accurate though…the general quality of food in the US really is appalling.

A bit too fabulous - medication and treatments 'advised' when completely unnecessary.

The irony

annual leave and sick leave and maternity leave provision is shite.

when we visited people couldn’t believe I got 33 days AL plus BHs and on top of that 6 months fully and 6 months half pay when sick…..they actually didn’t believe me.
work life balance is shit too…no 9 day fortnights …..or 4 day compressed full time

everyone lives miles from anywhere ….need a car for every journey

there is very little history….lack of old cities with historical buildings

visiting different states is not the same as visiting different countries…..no comparison

Annual leave - check your husband will get enough holidays for you to function as a family, US paid annual leave is awful compared to UK, same for mat/pat leave, carers leave, sick leave etc.

Food quality - so much UPF and poor labelling in supermarkets. I lived in the US for a while and read a lot of food labels because I'm vegetarian and could not believe the crap they add to everything!

Plastic cheese 🤢

Having to drive everywhere and awful traffic.

Cost of health care (and quality of health care if you don't have good insurance cover!)

Crazy tipping culture.

Depends, I knew someone who went to work for his company’s New York branch and he was able to keep the same amount of holidays he’d had in the London office.

Married a yank, we decided not to live there:

Guns. Guns and crime. You have NO idea how high the level in crime in the US is compared to the UK until you spend some time there. It does not feel safe a lot of the time, and I would say the freedom of children and women are particularly curtailed because of this.

Drugs - again MASSIVE issue, fentanyl etc for the poor, Oxy and prescription for the better off.

Reliance on driving - this depends on where you live, but unless you are in a city centre like NYC you can’t get milk without driving.
Also - more driving because of how unsafe it can feel. No family member of ours in the US walks anywhere - they will drive TO somewhere to go for a walk or a hike but wouldn’t leave the house on foot to go to school, Stores etc

Healthcare - even with good work insurance it’s insane.And complicated. Americans are obsessed with it.

All that being said - if it was a relocation to a nice area, with support, for a set amount of time with a job then perhaps consider it.

But yeah, guns. The fact than anyone can be armed is incredibly worrying… get ready for kids to do ‘shooter’ drills if you go. My DNiece and Dnephew have Kevlar plates in their school backpack's

Not without having to pay an absurd amount for decent, healthy food which in the rest of the world would be considered standard. Having to pay extra and go to specific restaurants for unchlorinated chicken for example. Absolutely disgusting.

Thank you again

Guns, healthcare, Trump, Biden, intrusive medical exams for kids, guns, guns and guns.

@Preiu Don’t get dazzled by the apparently huge salary. When I lived in the US my company took your U.K. salary, doubled the number and lumped a $ in front of it. I felt so rich! But once you factor in your health care costs and the costs of flights back home to see family it doesn’t go as far as you think.

Guns - you adjust to the mindset and it becomes a background risk between school and mass shootings when you worry again. That sounds flippant but I wouldn’t make it the only reason not to go.
employment - would you want to work? It can be very lonely being a trailing wife, but you may not be able to work. It depends on what visa your husbands employer plans to apply for him and you all, as some don’t permit family to have paid employment, whether it’s the spouse or the kids. The visa is especially important to consider if your marriage breaks down, will you have the right to remain in the country, will your kids stay and you go?
kids - depending on how long you are there and their ages, there is every chance they could end up going to college and getting jobs there, even marrying and having families of their own. Where would you retire in that situation? U.K. or USA?

Id recommend https://britishexpats.com/forum/usa-57/ for more information, they were really helpful for me.

They will be ‘behind’ because the curriculum is less rigid / standardised, and is also taught in a different sequence than the uk. For example, my uk born children have been taught mathematical concepts that their American cousins would not have been at a similar age, but the Americans were far more solid in their understanding and application. Personally I think the American system is much better, especially if you are looking at Connecticut and New York State vs. The uk. Honestly I have to pay for a private education here to get what my New York educated nephews had for free.

‘Terrible holidays for employees. Don't Americans get way less holidays than us?’

Negotiate for this - keep your U.K. hold.
our big global company give U.K. staff 6 weeks as std plus public hols.
in the USA they get 3 weeks INCLUDING public hols,
so essential 2 weeks vacation time. This is considered generous!

What do you do about it? Personally? To show you don’t accept it?

I ask this of everyone who lives in the US. Or are you all passively waiting for a magic wand to stop kids being shot?

The US doesn't have an education system - it has 50+. It's devolved to state level and standards between states vary by over 2 years. The top performing states like Massachusetts are 2 years ahead of the worst performing. Then add in further variability due to private schools, magnet schools, G&T programmes (which, where they exist, tend to be more serious than the UK).
In short, it depends entirely on which state, and which school.

This.

I'm surprised that it took this long for someone to mention cars. Traffic violence is a bigger killer than gun violence in the US. The roads are poorly designed, licences are handed out like confetti, the pick-up trucks that are now popular are particularly deadly to pedestrians and because suburban houses aren't walking distance from a bar the drink-drive rate is very high.

Without turning it into a debate on the topic, the fact is, everyone knows what to do to stop it. But Americans value their guns over children’s lives. And that is a valid reason to keep your children far far away from the country.

I go to my local supermarket every week and but a large variety of fresh fruit and vegetables, dairy products (including, shock, good cheese) and whole grains. (I don't know about the chicken - I don't buy it.) Yes, it costs more than it would in the UK because the cost of living is higher here, but I'm not paying an absurd amount, nor could I get less healthy food much cheaper.

On the positives…

Americans generally are very friendly.

They will love your British accent.

They tend to mean well.

Parking spaces and roads in general are massive.

House square footage is ridiculous.

Target (the store) is fabulous.

Its a massive country with varied and beautiful natural scenery.

Along those lines, National Parks.

The dollar is a strong currency.