Reasons you wouldn’t move to US

[Preiu]

Dh has been offered a job in the US. The increase in salary would put us into a completely different wealth bracket but I really don’t want to move.

• fear of home invasion with guns
• school shooting - guns in general I guess
• American exceptionalism attitude annoys me
• Being away from family
• Not having Europe on doorstep

Can I ask if you have any other reasons

Poor wages for many (no or low minimum wage and reliance on tips etc). No laws to guarantee maternity or paternity leave or pay. No minimum holiday allowance - many have no paid holidays at all. Long working hours. Heavy reliance on poor standard childcare. Exploitation of immigrant workers. Child trafficking. Overseas adoptions and "adoption parties" etc. Pageant culture and the sexualisation of children.

I'd do more research before I said no - though I'd not be keen - what is the health care package - and what schooling available - as that can be poor - what the area is actually like may be prettier than image of USA that comes to mind.

Food quality low number of day off - huge one because some employer are arsy about people taking the small allowance they do get - needing to drive every where and yes guns/violence but that very area dependent.

Also how long - few year with kids nowhere near exam ages would be different to emigrating forever.

Connecticut or NY state are beautiful. I assume you'd get health care with your husband's job.
My family live there. They don't worry about home invasion, school getting shooters or anything like that. They are all women (two sisters, an au pair, a disable child). Home invasion dyed not even register as a possibility (and they live in a not particularly great part of Boston).
At one time it was a possibility for us to spend two years in Connecticut. It didn't turn out in the end, but I would have jumped at the chance.

Where in the UK? Never heard of that at all and have a family member that works in education.

No all schools don't do this, never heard of it.

Ironic ignorance is mentioned when the top obese countries are; Nauru, Palau, Cook Islands , Marshall Islands , Tuvalu , Niue , Kiribati ,Tonga Etc.

And the worst for racial equality are Serbia, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Iran etc.

I agree with the guns though.

I'd be interested in that too. It definitely isn't the norm in the UK.

As an American in the UK once said, “Americans are like wearing a Hawaiian shirt to a funeral”. If you like that sort of vibe, that’s fine. The “full of Americans” was a bit of a joke though.

It doesn't happen at all. The only drill we have here are fire alarm tests. Guns are restricted here, there isn't a need.

Schools in the UK definitely do not do shooter drills as a norm.

There are some really disgusting xenophobic comments on this thread, including not liking the US because it's full of Americans, and listing (without any hint of irony) both fat people and ignorance as reasons not to move.

OP, I have lived in the US for 30 years and I have never even heard of an armed intruder entering someone's home. That's just not a thing. In fact I hear a lot more about burglaries in the UK than here.

Yes, the school shootings we have had have been horrendous, although thankfully rare. Of course it's a concern for parents, but so are the many other tragic and more likely things that could happen to our kids when they are at school for the day. I wish we had stricter gun laws, but in 30 years the only guns I have ever seen have been those carried by police officers.

The inequality in health care is awful. But I assume that wouldn't personally affect you, as it doesn't me, because your husband would be given good coverage with his job. (But, of course, check that that's the case.) I can choose to see specialists for any concerns I have, with usually very little wait for an appointment. Preventative care and vaccines are free and widely available.

Guess what? My local supermarket carries a wide range of fruit and vegetables, as well as products made with whole grains, etc. I don't know where the misconception comes from that the food here is awful. Supermarket food is more expensive than in the UK, and eating out tends to be cheaper, but we have a wide choice with many healthy options both when shopping at the supermarket and when we do eat out.

Public transportation isn't always great, depending on where you are. Where I live unfortunately it's virtually non-existent, so we do have to drive a lot to get most places. But there are pavements and bike lanes everywhere and me and everyone I know stays active - walking, jogging, biking, swimming, playing tennis, etc.

I'm also confused as to where the notion that our education system is behind the UK's comes from. My children, who are now grown, went through the education system here, and got a far better and more well rounded education than I did in the UK.

You are right to consider all the pluses and minuses, OP, but please don't listen to the ignorant posters on this thread who give reasons such as "fat people" as reasons not to make the move, and maybe look into some stats on things that concern you such as home invasions, to put your mind at ease.

All of your reasons plus the ridiculousness of healthcare were why I barely lasted a year there.

The age of the country inevitably impacts this. St Patrick’s Cathedral and the National Cathedral are pretty good

The Vietnam Memorial is my favourite piece of 20th c architecture anywhere - so moving

We turned down the opportunity shortly after the Sandy Hook shootings for that reason. I regret it now. You only live once and these opportunities don’t come along every day. Shootings and home invasions are neither frequent nor regular in the areas that you would move to.

Our economy is about to go into a death spiral. Look at the US v U.K. and Europe growth figures from the last few years. That gap is likely to continue to get worse.

The US is huge and varied country with lots of amazing holiday opportunities, so the distance from Europe isn’t important from that perspective.

I’ve lived in the US, city life can feel dynamic but that was pre kids and responsibilities.

It can also feel lonely.

It’s a simple equation OP: how many years will you put into living in the US + what will you get out of it - risks, challenges and downsides.

A big red question for me is whether the assignment/job is open ended or time limited.

I am not going to vote YANBU or YABU because this is so subjective.

I find you can do a list of pluses and minuses and sometimes it's one factor only on either one of those lists that is the only thing that matters.

I am originally from the US, have lived here 30 years, had and brought my kids up here. I'd do it again.

Reasons I never moved back which may or may not be relevant to you:

Maternity Leave - I don't even need to lay out how much more disadvantageous it is but the rumours are true. I am so sad and so sorry for friends struggling to go back to work after 6 wks.
NHS
Job protections if you get sacked

General cost of living - yes, the salaries are higher but you need to VERY CAREFULLY consider the add on costs that would not be obvious to a person from the UK.

Council tax comes in the form of real estate tax. It is many, many thousands more than you will pay here. Which state/city will you be in? When you are looking for housing, consider this very carefully. I'm not sure it would be fair to describe my parents house as 'average' because that is relative. But it's worth under $500K and they pay $8,000 in tax per year. A home valued at $800,000 in certain areas could be $20-30K a year. Yes - that is per year.

Health insurance - check the deductibles and what you pay for prescriptions etc. Most of the people I know even if their employers provide insurance still seem to be paying something a month that works out significantly more than what I pay in tax for my private health insurance here. I do know the plans vary. And the appointments are also not necessarily more frequent than what you would get in the UK. And you have to go to doctors in the network of the insurance company. So don't misunderstand that private insurance means a gold standard and total convenience.

I do know people personally not anecdotally whose children have been in lock downs with active shooters. Drills are a fact of life. I did not grow up with this myself but it's there now. And yes it is scary but when I'm there I have to say I don't necessarily feel more afraid.

Abortion rights - yes, you would need to consider this if you are planning another baby and had a health related issue as the carve outs of what is allowed are shrinking in most states.

Everything is expensive now where my parents live in the mid-West - which is not even a place like NYC or San Fran. A lovely midwestern city where you would not expect costs to be sky high but they are. Blimey, they are. We have tried to figure out why grocery stores are so pricey - part of is that the stores are regional (unless it's Walmart) and they have less buying power than a national chain like Tesco etc.

If you go, sign up for streaming services because the nightly 'news' is the X feed of the police and fire departments. TV programmes interrupted by endless drug adverts.

Honestly - I do enjoy going back for a couple of weeks at a time but I wouldn't bring my kids up there. I feel like I had a narrow escape.

Being shot is the biggest killer of children in the US, no other country has this record.
Knife crime is not the biggest killer of children in the UK.
It is a valid fear.

You’ve put fat people on the same list as guns???

Can you explain?

I imagine the education system must vary.

However, anecdotally I know 3 families who came to the UK from the US and their DC were quite behind. So my guess is that is where it comes from.

I'm wondering if they meant the obesogenic environment rather than the overweight people themselves.

It definitely varies.

On that type of salary - healthcare will be fabulous!

Maybe it does vary. But I am an intelligent woman who got a good degree at an English university, and it often shocks me how much more my children have learned during their schooling.

I’m happy living in Connecticut, having also lived in the U.K. but if you are looking for actual reasons, rather than “emotional” reasons:

1. A big salary increase doesn’t go far. It needs to border on obscene, if you want a nice bump in lifestyle too. Do your regular weekly shop online at a US store and see how much it comes out at as a simple example.
2. Depending on your immigration status, you may or may not be able to work. Whether you do or not is up to you, but having the ability to do so is nice.
3. Tax implications. If you eventually become a permanent resident you will have to complete a tax return for the US every year. While there is some reciprocity, depending on your personal circumstances, there may be money involved but the hassle factor will be annoying.

As an emotional reason, unless cultivated, your kids will probably end up with an American accent very quickly, particularly if they are young.

It’s horrible hearing people describe mass shootings - executions - of school children as a risk they’re happy to live with. Even comparing the shooting of kids to plane crashes.

It’s not just the risk, it’s the morality of it. America as a country is happy to live with children being gunned down in school. It’s become acceptable and even something you can push to the back of your mind if you live in a privileged, low-risk area. That’s a big reason I wouldn’t live in the US.

No country is 100% ethical but accepting school shootings crosses a line for me.