Reasons you wouldn’t move to US

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Dh has been offered a job in the US. The increase in salary would put us into a completely different wealth bracket but I really don’t want to move.

• fear of home invasion with guns
• school shooting - guns in general I guess
• American exceptionalism attitude annoys me
• Being away from family
• Not having Europe on doorstep

Can I ask if you have any other reasons

My cousins live in Connecticut, moved there from UK as kids, it’s beautiful. No pavements away from the main shopping areas though which is royal pain actually trying to walk somewhere.

I think it's quite sad that you're only seeking reasons not to move. You haven't even considered reasons that it might be good? The downsides are well referenced on this thread, but I think there are many benefits too. And many of the downsides can be mitigated.

For example, if it's a work move - I would absolutely expect your DH's firm to be including a generous healthcare insurance package in the deal so that healthcare is NOT an issue for you. Similarly holidays - totally legit irritation with the US system but most firms that move people from Europe maintain the European T&C including holiday entitlement.

I'm not sure I'd be that concerned about masked, gunmen coming into your home in NY/Connecticut, and basic security features would make this fine.

Moving to the East coast would also possibly be a really fun experience with th eopportunity to see new places and do new things. If I had the opportunity to move to New York for a few years, I'd take it with both hands and would use the opportunity to travel aroudn to some of the beautiful places in America I've always wanted to visit. The Michigan Lakes, Colorado, Oregan, California....

I think a lot of it will massively depend on what state you're moving to. FWIW we moved back to the UK after 10 years in the USA (and we lived in a liberal state) due to:

• guns; I couldnt reconcile myself with potentially putting DS on a bus and not having him come home
• absolute erosion of women's rights and the pigeon holing of women
• politics
• religion everywhere
• the cost - unless you're pulling in $$$$ per year it is extremely difficult to cover living costs as everything is more expensive (and depending on which state you live in massively impacts on your income tax) and fresh decent fruit and veg, dairy and meat is $$$.
• having to drive everywhere (and we lived in a pretty walkable area)
• education; again driven by the state you're in, and the borough you live in. Local property tax drives the majority of borough funding for schools so you can expect high taxes and high rental / sale prices = better schools in the area and vice versa
• healthcare; massive expense, if you can afford good insurance you're on a winner if not, it's shit. This also (imo) drives a high % of mental instability and illness that never seems to be far from the surface of a fairly noticeable % of people I met
• Being different; if you're a bit quirky / ND / don't subscribe to a religion or a big team sport fan, it can feel isolating

Are all the above applicable in the UK? some of it it yes, but not to the extent of there. It's a really personal decision about what you want and need from a lifestyle. We still go back now to visit family and my opinion on it hasn't changed,

Would it be a permanent or temporary move? If temporary, and the job comes with health insurance, go for it. You will not regret the experience, the US has some stunning scenery and the culture can be different from the UK in very positive ways.

A permanent move is another matter, and you have to think about other factors.

I moved to the US with my family as a kid - to CT in fact. I then lived there 20 years before returning to the UK. It's probably one of the better places to be in terms of similarity to the UK.

People have listed all the details around guns, crime, healthcare etc. - agree with all of those. But the main thing for me was a growing sense of being part of a broken system. It's not just the tangible obvious things, it's the little constant intangibles as well like:

• the weird quasi-police state
• the revering of the military with minimal thought of the actual cost and harm the military and militarised global politics does
• the absurd hype over terrorism where basically anyone's a suspect (especially if you're brown)
• the racism - and the way it is embedded in the institutions of government and education
• the utter disregard for poor people

...and so on. It just started to bug me all the time.

The UK isn't perfect, but to me it's much better and doesn't feel anywhere near as broken as the US does.

There are plenty of reasons I personally wouldn’t want to move to the US. Guns, healthcare, etc. etc.

However.

I might consider if it were only for a few years rather than a permanent relocation, and my choice would be heavily influenced by which part of the country I’d be moving to. Some parts of the country are beautiful and culturally interesting and honestly could be a fantastic place to live for a while.

Where exactly would you be moving?

Brit in the US - in general I prefer the UK as it’s ‘home’ but there are loads of positive things to living here too. And a lot depends on where you live it is VERY different state to state.

The gun thing isn’t something that impacts most people on a day to day level. The shooter drill in school are done in a very child friendly way and become similar to fire drills in the kids minds. I asked my DD if she finds them upsetting or scary and she looked at me like I was crazy.

If your DH gets a good benefits package and a decent salary / relocation you will probably have a lot more space, bigger house, access to really good and accessible healthcare, access to wonderful outdoor experiences if you end up in NY state or Connecticut.

If it’s likely to be a short term relocation I’d say go for it and make the most of the opportunity.

DH spent a couple of years in Boston and it was lovely, I would have considered living there with DC in the right circumstances.

You say the salary increase is big, but given the cost of housing, healthcare and potentially schooling I'd be doing my sums very very carefully before deciding. It could be lovely though, given the places you've said.

Other places I wouldn't consider at all because of the big 3 - guns, healthcare, Trump.

excellent post. I follow a blogger who is a local girl here and she moved to Texas 5 years ago with her husbands job. She detailed all the differences, her husbands job had a good package. Yes its not perfect but she has made it work, Does alot with her kids schools and takes part with local celebrations. Has built up a good friend network and travelled a good bit. Just bought a house so there for a good while. It will be what ever you decide and you have to make the effort as well as the most of it

Basically this.

America is a nice place for a holiday but I’d rather poke my eyes out with a stick than live there. I could happily live in loads of European countries, but not America.

Among the many reasons would be:

• Car dependence/necessity
• Bible Belt influence on politics
• The healthcare situation
• The number of people who could bring themselves to vote for Trump
• Guns
• No statutory entitlement to paid annual leave
• No statutory entitlement to paid sick leave
• No statutory entitlement to maternity leave
• Mostly mediocre restaurants

Driving everywhere and very hot summers, also health insurance and distance from family.

Guns.
Ordinary people carrying guns.
Criminals carrying guns.
Police carrying guns.
More guns.
Health care.

We moved temporarily to NJ for DH's job. It was 30 years ago so not totally relevant, but It was pretty amazing how foreign America was to live in, despite having visited many times. Its also like many small countries, not like one big one. We lived semi rurally. Rabies was an issue then, also Lyme disease. Not sure about work permits for the non sponsored spouse or attitudes to foreign workers now but in NJ then there was a lot of official suspicion about non nationals taking jobs away from nationals, plus suspicion of spouses who didn't need to work...lose lose! I think if you are thinking of it then visit first and look at basic things like what it will be like to shop there for instance. Schooling may be an issue. i also think you need to have an exit strategy if it doesn't work out. I will say that the NJ residents were one and all lovely.

Womens rights
Healthcare
Guns
Education
Religion

I think the Gun laws would be off putting .However to read some of these posts you would think we lived in some sort of Nirvana here! Right now Hertfordshire police are hunting a triple killer, 50,000 people have been stabbed this past year, and every 10 minutes in London alone someone has their phone stolen!

As for healthcare, my dh was in the hospital here in Florida over the weekend. Our experience which is typical: I drove him to the ER (A&E). We arrived at about 9:40 pm. He was checked in immediately and triaged. A few minutes later we were taken to a private room. Dh was made comfortable, his nurse came in to introduce herself, blood was taken, IV set up, etc. then a bit later the ER doc came in, discussed the issue and told us what tests/meds he'd ordered. Dh was taken right away to get a CT, then after he was returned to the room a portable X-ray machine arrived. As soon as results came back less than 30 min. later, ER doc returned to tell us about the treatment plan and that dh needed to be admitted. About 15 minutes later the admitting doc arrived, discussed the issue and treatment and we were moved to a regular private room, which looked like a nice hotel room. It had an ensuite bath with shower, a couch that pulled out into a bed for me, as well as an easy chair for me and a desk and desk chair. It had blankets, extra towels, pillows, etc. and even a card from housekeeping if we needed anything else.

The next morning Dh and I ordered room service breakfast. Mine cost a whopping $5 because I wasn't a patient. His was free. The food was good. Over the course of the day more tests were run. At shift change dh's new nurse and doc came to greet him and discuss what was going to happen next. Over the course of the day he improved, we ate more room service meals, and he was released later that evening. He is fine BTW, it was an infection which they cleared up.

Best of all, Medicare (Gov health care for elderly) will pay 80% of the bill and his Medicare supplement (an insurance plan we pay low monthly premiums for) will pay the rest.

Healthcare is expensive in the US, but that is because it is very, very good and worth every penny.

Healthcare is a huge issue for America as a country - however the OP is being headhunted for an international move so will more that likely have good insurance.

Yes - there will be an adjustment to the concept of co-pays etc. but the quality of care with good insurance is amazing.

So for the OP healthcare is probably more likely going in the positives column.

My husband had the option to move here, the reasons we didn't:

• the fact you can be fired at will
• no social security fall back
• the cost of medical care
• the fact many move jobs so regularly, moving of state and schools
• constant pressure in work over being easily fired
• the lack of holidays
• the fact everywhere looks the same as regards shops and restaurants
• the driving everywhere
• education system
• the system where by if you lose your job you lose your house, or your child is seriously ill and you also lose everything
• the fact many there take jobs not because of the job, but solely because of the healthcare benefits
• one location on offer had severe snow for months
• the amount of poverty (trailor parks)
• the mentality that everybody who is poor is lazy
• the belief that the rich are rich because they work so hard or are so clever
• the idea that taxes are not for the rich

And we could have gone and lived in very beautiful places. My husband worked for an American company for decades. We have seen how they treat employees in America, which they try to replicate in their European offshoots.

The gun culture, while abhorrent, that wasn't a consideration.

We went to check it out, in addition my husband travelled there for work extensively, I worked some summers there, two of my children recently worked there on J1's. But I would not bring up our children there.

Also it's very far away as regards family. Plus seriously costly for going back and forth.

I've visited the USA many times, but that doesn't make me an expert. I've driven through some of Connecticut and some of New York State, and saw some really beautiful scenery.

It's the US! Have friends with young children who worked out there for a while then came home. Relatives worked there for a while but came home when children started getting too American and that was some time ago!
Workaholics, lack of woman's rights, as well as lots of things mentioned....

Which State matters hugely. There are some states I would avoid, and some I would happily move to (I used to live there so have a reasonably good insight and have been through all the thought processes you are going through).

Guns - only saw police wearing them, and a guy wearing one on a hike once (presumably for bears). Otherwise, they did not affect our life in anyway. Including our elementary age kids. And I wasn't sat at home worrying every day about school shootings.

Health care - if you have good health insurance, which I assume you will, you'll get great health care. Yes it's incredibly unequal. And it can be expensive - but get a health savings account if you need to. And they do a lot of early and free preventative health care which is streets ahead of the NHS.

Can I give you some positives? Amazing places to visit, amazing opportunities, lovely houses and a lovely lifestyle. Our kids absolutely loved it, made great friends and loved school.

If it's for a set period of time, you shouldn't let the issues you've listed above stop you, honestly. Some Americans can be annoying (so can some British people). But there are also plenty of wonderful Americans.

It could be a wonderful life-changing adventure.

Talk about confirmation bias 🙄

Ive lived in the US got the past 20 years. I'd say only the last two on your list are "valid" though of course, "you do you".

As much as I love England, there's no way I would move my children back there 🤷‍♀️

This US-bashing gets really old.

guns and awful food. They don’t have the same food standards and it’s hard to avoid the chemical and additives. Also the constant news cycle can be draining

Guns and school shootings, a political system that is corrupt, very little paid holiday, no statutory maternity care, extortionate health care prices, having paid taxes to the US government once being bound by their tax system for ever more, paranoia in general, very poor educational standards (generally around two years behind the UK), dangerous cars and dangerous drivers, poor quality food with far more additives than here the climate and, last but not least, the difficulty of getting a proper British cup of tea.