Wearing a skimpy bikini around teenage son

[Behappyandbehave]

I'm late 40's and have recently lost alot of weight. I have treated myself to some new bikinis for an upcoming beach holiday and some are thong styles. I did originally buy the thong ones for when me and DH go away later in the year alone. But every holiday I go on abroad there is so many people younger and older than me showing all their bums! When I was a teen it was rare, but not anymore. Just not sure I'm brave enough or if it would be a massive no with adult/teen children! Wwyd?

But where do you draw the line on what and what not to wear to avoid not falling pray to dressing for the male gaze? Do we all shave our heads, wear no make-up and wear a beige sack? Should I avoid wearing anything with a frill or anything slightly form fitting?

I'm genuinely not trying to be difficult, I just think that so much of what women do is policed and wearing a thong on a beach is such an insignificant personal choice, on which the future of feminism does not rest.

Thank you for proving my point with the cycling example!

Both male and female competitive cyclists wear lycra (its to reduce drag by being streamline, there is a sporting reason for it). The same for both = not sexist!

A sport where men's wear is practical for the sport, but where women's wear predominates in tight impractical clothes = sexist!

And like I said, I've noticed now that seeing this difference between tight clothes for girls and loose practical clothes for boys starts even in little kids in play grounds.

I think its all a bit rubbish.

It's also clear that a lot of men and women have deep seated internalised misogyny about men's clothes being the default perfect of modesty and appropriateness in dress code and that women's clothing is inappropriate, sexualised and transgressive unless they dress more like a man.

Whether an item of clothing is sexualised is entirely in the eye of the beholder.

Wear your bikini with pride but a thong? Absolutely not, they look disgusting!

I’ve never given it much thought until I read this thread but I know my son would find it uncomfortable.
although I am in no fit state to be seen in a thong bikini …
having read some of the posts as a clean but overweight menopausal woman, I am now wondering if all these love island types have any special skill to stop them being stinky!?
I would be incredibly self conscious about leaving any body odour around on sun loungers etc, how do people stay so fresh and pristine?
especially those wearing all white or just some sort of crochet affair 🙈

To add, in places like Brazil, thing is the norm and has been forever.
It does depend on what you’re used to.

I think clothes for women and girls are just about as practical and comfortable as they have ever been throughout history and we have a much wider choice of mainstream acceptable clothing and ways to express ourselves through clothing than men and boys do.

@HappierTimesAhead I don't know really where to draw the line. I don't have all the right answers. I am not trying to be difficult either! It's just something I think about as I see more and more women my age shoot themselves full of filler, while their fat old husbands age naturally and happily.

And yes, none of this is relevant to the OP, but it set me thinking anyway, as I have a DD, and think about these things probably more than I should?
I too woud like an aperol spritz on a beach.

I agree with everything you have said here!

When I was a little girl I was constantly doing gymnastics wherever there was an open bit of grass and always wore skirts and dresses, which were always tucked into my knickers.

How wonderful that girls have the option of leggings and cycle shorts now. I find it utterly bizarre that people find them a sexual garment.

Women's and girls clothes have often not been practical or comfortable throughout history! I'm not sure where you have the idea they have been?!

And you have obviously never been running in lycra in heat or rain!

Or observed the difference in male and female Olympic outfits.

Its simply not true that there is an equivalence of comfort or practicality here, but you are free to believe there is if you wish.

I do a wide range of sports (running, pole, weight lifting, bootcamps and ocrs + more), and I am so glad for booty shorts and sports bras - put me in anything else and I'm dying. Yet aparently that is wrong because some guys may like looking at me... and so what if they do, I quite like to be found attractive thank you!

Also leggings/tight fitting clothes can actually be safer for certain sports/the playground, as they catch and get caught/tangled less.

Women's and girls clothes have often not been practical or comfortable throughout history! I'm not sure where you have the idea they have been?!

Try reading what I said again.

Women's and girls clothes are more comfortable now than they have ever been throughout history and we have a much wider choice of mainstream acceptable clothing and ways to express ourselves through clothing than men and boys do.

Are you saying I am wrong to prefer wearing lycra in the gym, and it's not a true preference but I have just been brainwashed by patriarchy?

And like I said, I've noticed now that seeing this difference between tight clothes for girls and loose practical clothes for boys starts even in little kids in play grounds.

I got sent a picture of a family members' gymnastics competition yesterday. He's 7 and wearing shorts and a t-shirt and the little girls stood next to him are all in tight, very high leg leotards. It really drove home how differently we treat male and female bodies and from such a young age.

Omg just get your bum out if you want.
if your son is embarrassed by this then so what. My daughter told me I was “disturbing” for wearing braids in my hair last week.
wrapping it up in feminism and misogyny and “taste” - who cares it’s just a bum. Everyone in the planet has them.
and the comments about cellulite and pubic hair on show, seriously wtf. Life is too short

I agree with gymnastics, there is no need for the arse skimming leotards and that is changing. Though that does not mean girls should have to wear the default clothing for boys.

at the local school there was an objection when unisex trousers were introduced!

What a nasty, bitchy thread.

I think posters would be well-advised to remember that plenty of plus size women will be reading this thread and will most likely be seriously reconsidering their swimwear choices as a result.

Pretty much ALL the s&b threads, where a plus size poster is nervous about wearing a swimsuit on the beach have a unanimous chorus of posters swearing blind they never even notice other women’s bodies/swimwear choices, and certainly wouldn’t judge.

Then you get a thread like this that confirms the exact opposite - women are very much judging other women’s bodies. In the nastiest and most spiteful way too.

Shame on you. I hope this thread gets pulled as it is very much ‘not in the spirit’

No, don't do this to your son. I would not do this to mine, he would find it so gross 😂

As there should be, particularly in a secondary school. "Unisex" means "designed for men and women have to lump it".

Ah okay, weird considering like a lot of proffesional sports people, men and women, exclusively wear lycra.

Where bloody else is she going to wear them? She's clearly talking about being on holiday by a pool or beach. She's not putting them on in the front room and wiggling her arse in front of her children exclusively.

Yes and she accepted the opinions ?

It’s not sexist to not want to see anyone’s arse in public.

Exactly. I don’t want to see anyone’s bare bum when out. Of any side, shape, sex or colour.

Why is it so important to others that people see their bottoms?!

This is the best post on this thread.

I really hope everybody reads this. So many of you should be ashamed.