Wearing a skimpy bikini around teenage son

[Behappyandbehave]

I'm late 40's and have recently lost alot of weight. I have treated myself to some new bikinis for an upcoming beach holiday and some are thong styles. I did originally buy the thong ones for when me and DH go away later in the year alone. But every holiday I go on abroad there is so many people younger and older than me showing all their bums! When I was a teen it was rare, but not anymore. Just not sure I'm brave enough or if it would be a massive no with adult/teen children! Wwyd?

Wearing revealing clothes is pandering to male gaze disguised as freedom & liberation. It really isn't, it's another misogynistic scam women So, are you going to detail how revealing is too revealing? If I wear a vest top with spaghetti straps am I just falling for the misogynistic scam. Should I cover myself head to toe as per some religions? Would that be more freeing?

By the way, I am a mum, a friend, a partner, I work in the third-sector campaigning for human rights and all of those form part of my identity. I wear an itsty bitsy bikini on holiday and it doesn't feel like anything to do with my identity. It's easy to get on and off when I go to the toilet and I love the feeling of wearing hardly anything on holiday.

And I guess the point is this is thread concerns a mother not being sure about wearing a bikini around her son. Not about her other achievements.

The OP is not a poster child for body positivity. She is not a woman who has decided to throw off the chains of oppression and wear whatever she feels comfortable in. She's a woman who has achieved a body she is proud of because it now falls within the range of what she believes is acceptable to society and will be pleasing to men.
And fair enough. We did not create the world we live in or set these standards. We simply each navigate it the best we can. And if OP is happy now she has a body that looks good in a thong bikini, I don't begrudge her that, its a simple pleasure.
But the question she has asked is whether wearing it will embarrass her son. The answer is, quite possibly, but only he, not MN can tell her for sure. The second question is, should that effect her decision. Personally I think it should as my sons comfort would take priority over any pleasure I got in showing off my body, as being admired and looking good is a very small part of life and my enjoyment of a family holiday would be very little impacted by whether random men liked the look of my body or not.

Covering yourself head to toe "as per some religions" or wearing a thong are not the only two choices.

I suppose one could draw the line at a "woman's choice." But our choices are framed by society. And as a mum of a DD, I am fed up that she gets respect for showing off her body parts, and her brother gets respect for his achievements.

Are you a naturist family?

Why do we need men to do it? I don't get this at all. Oh well if men are doing it it must be a good idea. There are lots of things men don't do that women do, and it doesn't make them any less valid?

Well done on your weight loss! I have 3 teenagers, 2 dds and 1 ds. All of them would be mortified if I wore a thong or went topless on a beach. You can still look amazing in a normal bikini without upsetting and embarrassing your kids. Save the thongs for your holiday with your dh if you really want to wear them.

So where do you draw the line then when it comes to making your kids opinion centre and not embarrassing them?

so if you like wearing trendy clothes for example but your teen finds this embarrassing should you then start shopping in M&S Per Una in order to appease them?

Surely @LuckySantangelo35 wearing trendy clothes is very different from hte hypersexualisation of thongs, not least because men also do it.
Just like wearing lipstick is very different from getting massive lip fillers, because women now have to look like porn stars.to be empowered.

Well yes, I've really noticed this recently. Was at a play park with my kids and noticed that all the boys were wearing loose, comfortable, practical clothes. All the girls but one were wearing tight leggins, and even those highly sexually leggins with the stitch up the arse crack to show off each arse cheek.

And I thought, hang on, why, even at these very young ages are the boys in comfy loose cool clothes and the girls in tight shape revealing clothes?

Same in running. I started running and bought leggins and then noticed, hang on, this is really hot and uncomfortable to run in - it holds heat in, doesn't let air circulate, holds in the wet and cold when it rains. This is crap. And then I noticed that men aren't wearing tight lycra to run in. They are wearing loose, comfortable, practical clothes. But women are much more likely to be running in this uncomfortable, tight impractical clothing.

Its all a bit rubbish.

Ok, I've just arrived at the beach (in Europe) and can confirm 95 percent of women are wearing thong bikini 👙
From breastfeeding mums, to older child women. No one is leaving the beach in fear, everyone is chilling and enjoying an aperol in the sun. Which would do a lot of people on this thread the world of good!

It's not like shorts or joggers for women don't exist though? Like you did have a choice?

Absolutely, there is a wide range in between. My point was who decides what is and is not acceptable. My personal view is it is up to the individual. Every choice we make is influenced by social conditioning that has happened since birth. Just because we have not yet achieved equality does not mean I am going to avoid wearing a small bikini on holiday.

And on the question of 'what is expected of men' in the same situation, go to a French campsite and see the men who have been ordered to wear teeny tiny budgie smugglers.

Yes they do. I'm not arguing with that. But an awful lot of the wear for women is tight lycra ( I actually get all my stuff from charity shops and its nigh on impossible to find non-lycra for women in their sports stuff). But not for men.

The only reason for lycra sports wear I can think of is for appearance, to hold in and up your stomach and arse and thighs. Rather than for any actual sporting benefit. The predominance of this wear for women but not men, does rather say loudly to women, its all about what you look like. Much like even at Olympic levels, men's wear is more about practicality and women's more about being revealing.

That disparity is not on, in my book. Its pretty obviously a structural, cultural sexism.

Indeed.

Ahh, to be sitting on a beach sipping aperol right now.....☀

You've never seen a male cyclist then. Or a man in Speedos at the beach 🤔

As I understand it, men are expected to wear tiny Speedos in France because of hygiene, and because they were wearing the same shorts they wore all day. They are not expected to wear it to look hot for women. Therein lies the difference.

I find it quite odd that women who wear hijabs are considered to be doing what men tell them to do, and women who wear thongs are being boldly independent and empowered.

Also - how to tell me you do not go to the gym or play any sports without telling me you don't.

I have always exercised and played sport before and after the advent of lycra and I can tell you IT IS A FUCKING GODSEND.

I can remember hardly being able to buy any gym, running or sports gear for women in the late 1990s, and football gear - just forget it. The choice was extremely sparse. I used to end up buying small men's shorts and generally lots of loose, unflattering, uncomfortable stuff.

This!

So much bloody hysteria and 'men conforming' comments.

It's swim wear, not a pornhub shoot. Chill out and unclench.

I wouldn't have shown my bum cheeks to my teenaged sons - there are just some things that you don't do.

And I don't want to wear clothing designed for men at the beach either thanks very much.

Let's all go topless but wear long baggy shorts, I'm sure that will be fine.

Hear bloody hear!

Yes, unclench is what women are always told by men when they object to porn aesthetics. Not relevant to the OP really, but in general.

The OP specifically asked about wearing thongs in front of her teenage son, not about wearing them on a beach as such.