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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wearing a skimpy bikini around teenage son

684 replies

Behappyandbehave · 09/07/2024 22:25

I'm late 40's and have recently lost alot of weight. I have treated myself to some new bikinis for an upcoming beach holiday and some are thong styles. I did originally buy the thong ones for when me and DH go away later in the year alone. But every holiday I go on abroad there is so many people younger and older than me showing all their bums! When I was a teen it was rare, but not anymore. Just not sure I'm brave enough or if it would be a massive no with adult/teen children! Wwyd?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
5128gap · 10/07/2024 09:48

JonnyTheDogFacedBoy · 10/07/2024 09:30

I'm surprised how strongly anti thong this thread largely is. It feels a bit... shamey?

I find it sad that on a website where, usually, women encourage each other to not lose their whole identity to motherhood, or to assert themselves if their husbands were to dictate what they wore, will then say "don't wear the bikini you want to because your kids will cringe". It's a weird double standard.

Wear what you're comfortable and confident in.

Surely you see the difference between an adult male trying to control what his female partner wears, with all the connotations of ownership that implies, and consideration for what might be appropriate boundaries between parents and child, and a desire to spare your child embarrassment? As for identity outside of motherhood, surely most women have that through their work, interests, friendships, contributions to society? It really doesn't hinge on whether or not you display your newly dieted arse in front of your son. That could hardly be more reductive.

SoundTheSirens · 10/07/2024 09:48

DinosaurWhizz · 09/07/2024 22:40

Late 40s is way too old for a thong bikini. The cut off is about 26. Very undignified OP. A normal bikini is fine as long as it's generously cut

Username checks out.

palomatoast · 10/07/2024 09:54

I find it sad that men are not encouraged to wear Borat style string bikinis to show they haven't lost themselves to fatherhood

This! Men lazing around in comfortable shorts with their pink hairy belly out and a beer in hand is what true empowerment looks like.

HappierTimesAhead · 10/07/2024 09:55

AnneButNotHathaway · 10/07/2024 08:18

Yes! Thank you for being a voice of common sense and especially for this line:
It’s OK to feel attractive and to be a mother. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I'm perplexed by how people basically state it's either or thing or another and you can't be both at once. What a ridiculous thread.

I agree! A bum is just another part of our body and it makes no difference if a bit of it is showing or a lot.

I have seen overweight women wearing a standard fit swimsuit or bikini bottom (as opposed to thong) and their big bottom is hanging out of it. I don't judge them and I am not offended by the sight of the buttocks so i am not going to judge someone slim showing a bit of their bottom either.

SheSlays · 10/07/2024 09:55

5128gap · 10/07/2024 08:40

The OP isn't wearing the thong because she's a strong minded woman though, is she? She's wearing it because her weight loss has achieved a body that she believes makes it acceptable and makes her sexually appealing. If she was confident and body positive she'd have been wearing whatever she liked fat or thin, and would likely make her choice based on comfort and what she liked to look at. I mean, without a two way mirror she won't even benefit from the sight of her own bare arse. It's quite clearly a look designed for the spectator not the wearer.

Not that there's anything wrong in women showing off their bodies if they choose, but its a bit daft to try and frame it as an act of empowerment. I'm sure her sons would survive the embarrassment but pretending it's in their interests because she's role modelling something positive is a big stretch. As is the thinking that because we're not responsible for the feelings of others we have a green light to show them no consideration.

I broadly agree with you @5128gap. A choice based on comfort and personal aesthetics is ideal. Fat or thin, young or old, whatever demographic we fit in, It’d be wonderful if we just chose whatever we like to wear. (Capitalist directives aside)

my post was an attempt to encourage the op to feel more confident in herself, no matter her size, age or shape.

And, in part, it was a response to the onslaught of comments along the lines of: as a woman in your 40s you’re “too old, too sexualised, not feminist enough, not considerate of others feelings, not a good enough mother, too fat, too thin, too much cellulite, too…....” to wear a thong.

it’s tiring enough being a woman in late stage capitalism. I prefer to support other people to make choices that feel right for them.

And I hear what you’re saying about her son’s response and take your point. Yet i do believe that if we embody a positive, body confident position, it will benefit our children in the long run.

Crumpleton · 10/07/2024 09:58

I suspect most people pulling you down over this have issues with themselves and are projecting.

Bit of an assumption there.

Most people I suspect are just truthfully answering a post put out there on the Internet by a person asking for their opinions on thongs.

HappierTimesAhead · 10/07/2024 10:05

Maria1979 · 10/07/2024 07:47

My boys would scream murder if I put a thong on. Seriously can't you just take pride on your own and not go flaunting your bum. I get quite disgusted with seeing all those bums out and I think Im not the only one. It screams "look at me" and at 40 I think you should have passed that stage. And I'm not jeallous, I "could" get away with wearing one as I'm fit but I would not want to 1. Embarass my children 2. Having men looking at my bum 3. Making other people uncomfortable who might not fancy seeing a bum while eating their ice cream.

Wow, that's some serious 'bum' phobia you've got going on there!

hellhavenofury · 10/07/2024 10:07

OP wear the thing bikini! I am with you, I think they look great on a lot of people! even a bikini that isnt a thong bikini can show some butt cheeks so Its not so outrageous as people are making out on here!!

TakeOnFlea · 10/07/2024 10:10

Where on earth are you going on holiday that the vast majority are wearing a thong? Nobody wants to see your arse, least of all your teenage son

ShallWeGoToTheFirepit · 10/07/2024 10:13

CheeseWisely · 09/07/2024 22:30

Well, I think thong bikinis look largely ridiculous, uncomfortable and a recipe for raging thrush on the early 20s bums of Love Island, so it'd be a hard no from 40 year old me, with or without the teen.

In regards to thrush, it's no different to wearing a thong for underwear. Normal thongs don't cause thrush?

As per the boots website, it says there is no evidence to suggest that things are bad for any reason.

So much hysteria over a type of underwear on this thread.

Ottervision · 10/07/2024 10:19

TakeOnFlea · 10/07/2024 10:10

Where on earth are you going on holiday that the vast majority are wearing a thong? Nobody wants to see your arse, least of all your teenage son

..... most of Europe?

I think the rest of Europe don't have the same fear of bum cheeks like the English apparently do according to this thread!

MakingPlans2025 · 10/07/2024 10:19

Absolute mega mega cringe. Save it for when you're not with your kids. My six year old would find this cringe let alone a teenager.

M340 · 10/07/2024 10:20

It's only women who are pearl clutching over a pair of thongs.

'No one ever looks good in thongs'

Many MANY people, including a lot of men, would whole heartedly disagree.

If you don't feel like you have the figure to pull a thong off, that's fine. But that doesn't mean every other person would also look 'awful' as some would suggest.

I recently went to Majorca and there were plenty of 20-40 year old women wearing a thong bikini. They looked great. Including myself. I don't get a huge white dairylea triangle on my arse from wearing big full briefs in the sun. Plus I have a toned, nice behind that I've worked hard for, so I don't care to hide it away.

It's an arse. Everyone's got one. Has no one on this thread worn a thong in the bedroom for a spicy night with their partner?

If anyone says 'that's different' well not according to 99% of posters on here, as thongs apparently look awful on everyone. So that would apply to the bedroom.

This place gets weirder each day.

M340 · 10/07/2024 10:21

Vettrianofan · 09/07/2024 22:40

You just don't know where to look and seriously would feel panicked into making a seriously sharp exit on the beach😂

Don't be ridiculous.

You sound like you need a lie down.

Gardenschmarden99 · 10/07/2024 10:21

Don't do it

cestlavielife · 10/07/2024 10:22

Wear what you like on the beach
To Asda? No.

NoraLuka · 10/07/2024 10:23

Iaskedyouthrice · 10/07/2024 08:58

Men wear shorts with nothing else (self conscious men will wear a tshirt too). Some men wear speedos but tend to get the piss taken out of them for it even though they are far more practical.
Women generally have to keep their top half covered though some choose to go topless. We can wear board shorts with bikini tops/swimsuits, just bikinis or just swimsuits. We can wear a swimsuits with swim leggings if we choose. We have so much more choice. My personal choice is whatever easiest to get off if I need a wee. So normally a bikini. And my body is not banging, I just put comfort before anything else.

Yes I totally agree that women have much more choice generally, and it’s a lot easier to look smart in warm weather with women’s clothes. But men’s clothing is usually more comfortable and doesn’t require extensive hair removal (would anyone wear a thong bikini with a full bush I wonder?) and is usually more forgiving and flattering.

See how horrified men are if they have to wear skimpy clothes, I’ve seen loads of threads about them having to wear Speedos in French swimming pools. Aren’t the standard women’s bikini bottoms just as revealing? Obviously nobody has to wear the skimpy bikini bottoms, but they are the easiest to find in shops IME.

On a related note about men’s stuff being less of a faff, see also hygiene products aimed at men, it’s all 5-in-1 shower gels whereas if women listened to the ads they’d buy about 3 different products just for hair.

Sdpbody · 10/07/2024 10:25

My mum just wore a thong bikini bottom in France and Spain in the 90s. My brother and I have seen her boobs daily for the whole of our childhood so wasn't really a problem for us 😂

BowTiesPinkTail · 10/07/2024 10:26

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 10/07/2024 08:55

I don't like seeing the bottoms! Nope.
A few years ago my friend was on a beach holiday wearing a thong bikini and ended up doing CPR on a lady on the beach. I wasn't even there but I'm scarred by the image!! Who knows what the other people on the beach thought. Keep your pants on (and not the thong ones!)

Probably thought glad someone could save the persons life 🙈

Also, how can you be scarred by an image you have never seen (you stated you weren’t there ?)

ghostlyliving · 10/07/2024 10:35

JonnyTheDogFacedBoy · 10/07/2024 09:30

I'm surprised how strongly anti thong this thread largely is. It feels a bit... shamey?

I find it sad that on a website where, usually, women encourage each other to not lose their whole identity to motherhood, or to assert themselves if their husbands were to dictate what they wore, will then say "don't wear the bikini you want to because your kids will cringe". It's a weird double standard.

Wear what you're comfortable and confident in.

I find it really sad that our culture has convinced women that showing arse in public is a sign of being your own person, being independent and being an accomplished achiever.

How about reframing ' not losing yourself to Motherhood' as less about your arse and more about having your own achievements and accomplishments outside the family? You know, like inventing something, creating something, campaigning for a change in the law, organising to help people affected by disadvantage or discrimination, starting a local community group, becoming an MP, starting your own business, becoming a competitive power lifter?

I'd much rather support women to do any of that than support them to take up an arse revealing fashion inspired by anal sex scenes on misogynistic internet porn.

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2024 10:38

Its the same narrative that Strippers are strong indpendent women who are making money by taking advantage of stupid men
Utter bollocks

YorkshireTeaBiscuits · 10/07/2024 10:39

ghostlyliving · 10/07/2024 10:35

I find it really sad that our culture has convinced women that showing arse in public is a sign of being your own person, being independent and being an accomplished achiever.

How about reframing ' not losing yourself to Motherhood' as less about your arse and more about having your own achievements and accomplishments outside the family? You know, like inventing something, creating something, campaigning for a change in the law, organising to help people affected by disadvantage or discrimination, starting a local community group, becoming an MP, starting your own business, becoming a competitive power lifter?

I'd much rather support women to do any of that than support them to take up an arse revealing fashion inspired by anal sex scenes on misogynistic internet porn.

@ghostlyliving finally the voice of reason. Thank you. Wearing revealing clothes is pandering to male gaze disguised as freedom & liberation. It really isn't, it's another misogynistic scam women have been brainwashed into believing.

SheSlays · 10/07/2024 10:50

ghostlyliving · 10/07/2024 10:35

I find it really sad that our culture has convinced women that showing arse in public is a sign of being your own person, being independent and being an accomplished achiever.

How about reframing ' not losing yourself to Motherhood' as less about your arse and more about having your own achievements and accomplishments outside the family? You know, like inventing something, creating something, campaigning for a change in the law, organising to help people affected by disadvantage or discrimination, starting a local community group, becoming an MP, starting your own business, becoming a competitive power lifter?

I'd much rather support women to do any of that than support them to take up an arse revealing fashion inspired by anal sex scenes on misogynistic internet porn.

I partially agree.

I do campaign for a change in the law (around creating a fairer CJS for victims of violence)
I have my own business and am on the path to a PhD. I have raised two (now adult) children, largely on my own. I am very proud of these achievements.

AND I will also wear whatever I please. And choose to wear not much at all on a beach, as often as I can. I care not a jot about my cellulite and dimples. I applaud others who do the same.

my adult children were once embarrassed teenagers. And now they are my biggest champions: “Mum I love your wrinkles” “your stretch marks look like tiger stripes, they’re cool” are two of their comments that some to mind.

TheaBrandt · 10/07/2024 10:56

Fails the “are the men doing it”test. If middle aged dads are getting their arses out to prove they are “their own person” then I’m listening…

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