to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

You aren’t wrong. We don’t “need” to be up for the kids either as they can take care of themselves but it’s about making an effort to start the day properly and show the kids you are there for them and invested in their lives.

It's only lovely if everyone wants it.
Neither of my teens ate breakfast and DS used to stay in bed until 15 minutes before school (school was 15 minutes walk away :) ) and would not have taken kindly to having to get up any earlier. Not to mention that I'm not a morning person and don't really want to make more conversation than strictly necessary after I've just got out of bed.

Is OP's DD happy with the current arrangement? Or does she feel unloved or unsupported? That's all that's important here.

No one would ever have got to School at all if I hadnt have been up to wake them! I was the same as a child as well,A little black and white cat used to stop by sometimes for a fuss ,Mum used to pretend he was there even if he wasnt sometimes just to get me up! I think its nice to do if you can

I've known primary school aged children (not all) around 8,9,10 who become practically feral when left to fend for themselves in the morning. Arriving to school with unkempt hair, teeth not brushed, hungry after throwing cereal in a bowl then leaving it, not remembering sports kit, no coat on in bad weather, the list goes on. If you are available & not having to rush out for work, or you wfh, lying in bed when children are up geting ready shouldn't be an option.

I think he is being a terrible example:

1. Gaming so much in the first place
2. Not getting up and keeping dc company in the mornings.

I wouldn't stand for it, no.

Jesus! Seriously, it's no wonder so many young people have no idea about how to act in the workplace. I wonder if she was in the interview with him too.

'Fend for herself'? Shower. Dress. Breakfast. It's not like she's surviving on her own in a war zone!

High school age children??

No, YABU. They're not babies.

As a lifelong night owl, at 15 I would much rather a parent who I could bond with over games to one who faffed about in the morning playing DisneyMom when I just wanted to be off to school with minimum fuss. Neither particularly a sign of major domestic dysfunction though, so your title is BS.

Unless driving said child(ren), then no, responsibility to get ones self to school on time rests solely with child.

Ya fair enough! DS is only 2 so I will see what he's like by that age.

While a parent lies in bed. It's little wonder so many teenagers go off the rails.

Hi OP, what you describe sounds normal to me and comes with parenting

I could have written your post. I'm a Spaniard and grew up having breakfast with my stepmom (and my father on weekends). My father's job started very early on weekdays but mom always waked me up and had breakfast ready. Maybe it's cultural but DH and I did the same with our boys (adults today), work permitting. My 2 youngest still visit on weekends regularly, and we still love to wake them up (even at 11am) to have brunch 🤗

It's just nice having breakfast together.

I let mine get on with it when they were teens.. all part of growing up

But this is a 15 year old, not an 8 or 10 year old.

I always get up when my DD is getting ready for school. I work from home so don't need to be awake until later than her but I wouldn't dream of sleeping while she got up alone.

She's 13 and doesn't need me to do anything for her although I do generally do her some toast while she gets dressed, simply to be helpful and help the morning go smoothly. It helps avoid a rush.

We generally have a little chat about what subjects she has that day, what everyone is doing after school etc. I thought that was pretty basic parenting. My mum did the same for me when I was at school.

My kids find me annoying if I’m there when they’re trying to get ready for school. I’m there to chat to when they get home.
When they were younger and needed help obviously I was there

My 14 year old doesn't need me but I am usually up before her regardless. I like to eat breakfast with all my kids, we usually put some music on or listen to the radio together, I can check in in case they've forgotten anything.

I am also out of the house for work until about 4.45 for 4 days a week so I value the time with them! They usually get up before me at the weekend but I have the day to spend together.

Im up before my DC, but they get themselves up and ready, pack their bags with whatever is needed. I make breakfast on school days and they can make their own on weekends (their school starts at 8.10am) I sometimes drive them to school (bad weather) and sometimes they walk with friends. I didn't think this was unusual.

It is lazy parenting to stay in bed, and a very poor example unless you are working night shifts.

How is it lazy parenting? don’t parents have enough to worry about as well as now making sure we’re awake to sit and watch a teenager eat their breakfast?
I believe it’s extremely beneficial for them to be independent and get themselves ready - surely if they need something they know they can come and ask for it? We’re not talking about primary school kids here - these are secondary school kids? I can’t believe we are back in the 50’s where some people think mums should be up at 5 cleaning the windows with a face full of makeup and bread baking in the oven

At high school they should be responsible for doing much of it themselves if not all. Having said that I'd still make sure I was up to make sure they leave on time. My children are 8 + 11 and they get up before us - they're early risers and up by 6.30 so they do their own breakfast . I don't get up until 7.30. It still gives us plenty of time to make sure everything is done.

Lazing around in bed is a poor example. Yes. Unless you are disabled, ill or working night shifts.
As a base line, keeping your children company, asking them how they are in the mornings, setting them up for the day with some interest in their life is basic parenting in my view.

They will come to see a parent is someone that doesn't bother to get out of bed. Do you work? Do you contribute to society? Are you switched on and interested in the world around you? Are you ensuring they are cared about? Teens need more guidance in life, not less.

Honestly. no.

We compromise. I'm disabled and getting up can be a painful challenge some days.

My alarm goes off, I call her to get her out of bed, my 15yo then gets herself up/fed/washed/dressed. Then i can take my time to get me up and dressed, sort her lunch and be ready to drive her to school. I use that driving time to check in/have a morning chat..etc.

She can also come into me at any point during the morning if there is an issue.

I’m up and out before DC get up somtimes.