Being so tight with money?

[Rockrose94]

For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

Will come as no surprise that all the cushions and the nicer bedding was purchased by me or moving in gifts from family so they'll be coming with. They weren't essential items obviously 😂meter readings noted definitely and speaking to letting agency Monday morning

Both to be honest

There's a story about the late Ken Dodd bringing beer to a party, swigging spirits all night and then, because no one wanted warm cans of unpopular beer, when people were drinking glasses of cocktails and spirits, his cans were still there on the side, to take home with him

Misers are happy with getting something for nothing and only pay the bare minimum when they have no choice

Absolutely take them with you. And any fancy glasses or kitchen stuff.

Hi OP, best of luck for tomorrow.

As to your decision not to tell him it's his miserly behaviour that has driven you away, you're probably right... but also, if he has half a nous, or even quarter of a teensy weeny brain, he will work it out for himself. Deep down, he will know.

Whether he grows from it is his look-out and not your concern!

I hope all goes well for tomorrow. We're all here for support if you have a wobble or you're just feeling a bit shit.

When have your share of the rent until? Plus if he gave notice on Monday how long until the tenancy would end at the earliest.

Well done you, you're doing brilliantly! This is the tough bit but you will be through it soon and on the other side is a free and happier life! Look after yourself lovely 💐

Well done for realising AND do something about it, that takes a LOT. I've been there - you're living with a covert narcissist. Once you see it, you wonder how you missed it.

Good luck with Sunday - the start of a new chapter in your life, not a negative thing by any means.

Keep us updated how it goes and don't be sucked in with his promise to change - I also did that, but we did have 3 children - he didn't change at all, if anything got worse.

Take as much as you like,( up to half), towels, bedding, kitchen knives, cooking stuff, plants, garden tools,
you have paid for half & will go on to need to buy it again

He'll be living in a sad little house with a sofa, fridge and his even sadder £2.50 that you owe him. Pathetic man

I'd hand over £2.49 then watch his next move....

Totally agree that very tight people aren’t at all embarrassed they positively brag about their stinginess.

My friends partner is so tight he squeaks and he loves it! He tells everyone about his meanness and laughs about it. He honestly had little pegs that he used to hang up tea bags so he can reuse them. And he refused to live with my friend until her teenage daughter had left home because he refused to contribute to arse the gas and electric she used - he used to say yo people ‘she’s kit kind why should I pay for her to use the hairdryer’ with a huge smirk on his face.

I remember him arguing with a cloakroom attendant because he didn’t want to pay £1 to hang his Ralph Lauren jacket up. And I’ve been out so many times where he’s ’forgotten’ his wallet and told her to buy his drinks and he’ll give money back knowing 💯 he’s got no intentions of ever repaying her.

Everyone we know takes the piss out of his tightness and he cracks up and agrees with them. He has no shame at all about it.

I'd take it out of principle. Make him open up his wallet to replace his half, the miserly arsehole.

Omg this sounds awful I would be so turned off him by now and that itemising the shopping list would be the final straw!

Please tell me you’re not having sex with this misery.

That's why some counselling will be of huge benefit.
In the interim how about buying some books
"Women who love too much"
"Why does he do that" ...which can be downloaded as a free pdf.

I think you will regret leaving all the furniture.
Take photos of everything and send a WhatsApp out to friends, can anyone take a few bits for you.
You would be surprised how kind people can be when someone they care about is exiting a situation like yours.

Also ....You can always tell him you will be coming back for half the furniture.....no need to remove everything immediately. Tell the Landlord and take a video of the place and the condition of it and the furniture before you leave.

You could be so glad of that furniture in a months time when you are in a better head space.

Don’t forget to leave your £2.50 on the table as you leave.

good luck

Agree. Op paid for it, let him she how it feels to be on the other side of the coin.

I think I'll see how it goes with rent and bills discussion if he is trying to extract more from me but just don't really have the energy to bother about that just now you know. Fed up stooping to the same level to be honest!

Sorry for leaving you in the lurch with future rent ( I've taken my name off ) but keep the future as my notice. If you leave on the 28th honestly just contribute your usual months then leave head held high and more than reasonable

So you're ignoring all the advice?

In terms of the furniture I guess I am. I'm grateful for the advice I just don't feel I have the energy to fight someone so petty in this situation for furniture I don't want which is just my personal feelings and I know I probably "should". I've listened to all the other mountains of advice I've been given in fairness.

Sometimes it's better just to walk away and feel free of the drama even if it costs you money.

Good luck!!!! Your new life awaits!

Yes it is I left everything apart from my personal items the awkwardness and potentially things turning volatile just wasn't worth it. I'd actually take the opportunity to remove some stuff the very next time he's out! I was taking bags to my mother's house bit by bit!