Being so tight with money?

[Rockrose94]

For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

I used to work in investment banking and never our traders who was on a good 6 figure salary 25 years ago put together a breakdown of what he had to pay to get his car through its MOT and calculated the % of the time his gf was in his car and presented her with an invoice for her share of the bill. IIRC she was at uni so he told her she could pay in instalments.

And he bragged about it like it was a normal thing in his world

Good for you, OP! Leave that twat behind and never look back. Drink all the good wine as fast as you bloody well want to.

Run. This is shocking. The reason he has more savings is you are paying for any treats. There is more to life than squabbling over £2.50!

Sounds bloody amazing!

Neck it straight from the bottle with no fucks given 🤣

Imagine having a newborn and he's trying to make you pay more for the nappies and clothes because you're with the baby more than he is.

Sit him down this evening with a bottle of wine (you're buying, of course) and have "the talk". Tell him everything you've written here, including all of the examples of his miserable tightness. If you finish that glass of wine during said talk, look him in the eye and pour yourself another bloody huge glass. I bet he won't be able to help saying something, proving your example live in the act.
He's tighter than a hen's arse. Good riddance!

I never ever have suggested sending z thread to anyone.....but @reign is correct, this type of controlling abusive behavior thrives on secrecy.
Consider sending this thread to friends in your circle, a close few that will pass the word about....with your permission to gossip!.....after you have left him.

Mean men hate people knowing they are mean.....which indicates they know well EXACTLY what they are doing.

"Fxxking terrifying" aptly sums it up.....and the guilt that you inflicted him on children.

Never get or stay involved with a mean man.

Christ what a controlling, miserable way to live. Imagine him doing this to any future children? He’d fuck them up for life.
Please get out of this relationship now. It’s made me depressed for you.

I think pp saying he won't change are right. This is too ingrained in hlm. And it's driven by him fundamentally believing you're out to profit off him or steal from him, so he'll always be on his guard for that.

I've mostly only read the OP's posts but life's too short to live it like that. And yes to the wine in Paris advice/ dream. My partner and I earn very different amounts and have separate accounts because we never really got around to setting up a joint one but we spend the money together and nobody's ever keeping tabs on any of it. He sounds like he's living in a student flatshare.

I think we're married to the same man 🤣

My DH is exactly like that. If I've got low on funds temporarily, I ask him to pay for something and say... I'll give you the money next week. That week comes, he refuses to let me pay him back. And there have been times I have done the same. It is OUR money but there is obviously seperation because we have seperate bank accounts. He had to pay for something big the other day... I just transferred him £1K and said don't pay me back.

Dump the miserable twat. That kind of penny pinching is outrageous and tiresome.

These hundreds of replies are going to be hugely helpful to look back on if he tries to convince me that I'm being a money grabber for saying this is unfair or if I even have an ounce of doubt about staying 💓

being a money grabber

Good job. Because he absolutely WILL do this. He's going to make out like you're a big ol money grabber and if he'd known this about you from the start.....

Also accusations about how you were only with him for the money etc...

YOu could have some fun with it? Prepare a bingo card with things he might say. See how many he hits in one chat?

Very undesirable attitude. Who wants to be with a tight arse?

Make it into a drinking game while I sip my wine 😆

Totally. Let us know how that goes - we can join you!

You don't have to explain why you're leaving him, or listen to any sort of bullshit about being money grabber. You have every right to leave the relationship for any reason at all and you don't have to justify it, convince him, excuse yourself or make him feel better.

I'm going the other way - I bet you a fiver he turns round during this conversation and claims he was scrimping and saving to buy you an engagement ring! The weasel.

Yes this!!!

Oh, and let's not forget the perennial excuse... "But I was saving for OUR future!!!"

Then there's, "But women's EQUALITY!!!" and "Why didn't you SAY???"

Stingy fuck.

I can't stand meanness. It's grotesque.

Goodness no, you risk alcohol poisoning within about 20 mins!

I like the idea of a bingo card though... PP mentioned him bleating 'equality' - in which case you could innocently ask him, 'Why does 'equality' always seem to work in your favour?'