AIBU to think life falls perfectly for some people?

[Hellskitchen24]

Feeling a bit sorry for myself, so please don’t go too hard at me. Struggling with TTC, general fertility issues, and always struggled with my MH.

Am I delusional in thinking that life does fall pretty perfectly for some people? Someone I know fits into this category; perfect family upbringing, two parents that adore each other and have been married a million years. They purchased her a house and car so she already had a fantastic start. She’s just married a wonderful man who’s good looking from a wealthy family. Instagram is full of them in exotic locations and she looks perfect; perfect figure without an ounce of fat on her, every part of her utterly immaculate. I know they want to start TTC soon and I’m just waiting for the pregnancy announcement. Am I jealous? Hell yes I am, I won’t deny it.

I know comparison is a thief of joy. And I know people curate the best parts of their life to put on Instagram. But some people genuinely do live these wonderful lives (like my example) and never seem to have any hardships. I know a lot it boils down to money; money buys you personal trainers, top quality food, every beauty treatment under the sun, trips to exotic locations. Privilege buys you a headstart in life; no scrimping and saving for absolutely everything, because things are handed to you.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. I know life is unfair and I probably just need to get a grip.

You really don't know how they feel inside or what may happen in the future.

I agree op. But statistically everyone is going to be somewhere in a line of fortunate/lucky in life and less so. There are always going to be some people who are blessed in every area of life. It’s unfair but you need to take a long term view. You don’t know how her life and health will pan out later on.

This person is presumably quite young from what you describe. Everyone has good and hard times in their lives. She may not have experienced the same hard times as you have so far, but they will come to her too. Don’t be envious of people like her, be pleased that things are going well for her now.

Yes of course some people have better lives than others. You are one of them, you will have many privalges others do not have. Maybe a roof over your head, maybe you’ve food, maybe you’ve a partner, maybe you can pay your bills or heat your house. Maybe you have a loving family, maybe you’ve good friends, Maybe maybe maybe. You have more than others.

Of course they might not come to her, don’t give platitudes the op knows full well likely won’t come true. She’s envious not lacking understanding.

You say you know them, but from what I’ve read it sounds like you only know of them through instagram. Like you say, that’s curated. Some people are very privileged, some people are privileged AND have good luck, but everyone has something rubbish going on.

This

Yeah, it's not fair. All I really want is to own a house outright, and I can't tell if I will ever accomplish that. Must be nice just having it given to you

It's true, life just does go better for some people than for others. That's just how life is, it's luck, chance.
Your life will be much better than some other people's lives, and there are other people whose lives are better yours.
But you've said it yourself so you know, comparison is the theft of joy. Be glad for those who are doing well, be sorry for those who aren't, then focus on yourself and what you can do with your own life.

And some folks just want a roof over their head. Life is indeed not fair

Life is unfair, but I think the phrase ‘don’t compare your insides to somebody else’s outsides’ is applicable here. You’re idealising her life and making things very black and white - ‘perfect family upbringing’ for example, there are definitely much better and worse upbringings but I don’t think perfection is a reality for anyone here, every single family has tensions and squabbles.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to put the time and emotional energy you are spending on her Instagram feed into making goals for your own life and working towards them.

I know though that TTC isn’t one of those things that’s necessarily controllable in that way, and it’s totally understandable you’re feeling emotional at the moment. I do wish you the very best of luck with it x

Yes, some people have good fortune.

Some people have terrible fortune.

But never compare your life to someone else's unless you are confident you know ALL the details - people often put their best face on for the outside world.

Of course it does.

Literally since time began but it does no good to dwell on it 🤷‍♀️

I agree, and it started making me resentful of others. I deleted Instagram and unfriended lots of people on Facebook. I have felt much better since. I also surround myself with friends who have had hardships, I don’t know if this is a conscious decision or if I just naturally gravitate to people who can relate to my hard life experiences. Let go of the resentment and remove what no longer serves you, you will feel so much better for it.

Yes I knew a couple like that. Money, jobs, string marriage , lovely kids private schools, wanted for nothing, etc

I've ended up never married and no kids.

The woman in that couple is now dying of metastatic cancer in multiple organs.

No one knows what their future holds. Try and be happy for what you have

It's true of course - everyone has a different amount of luck, and it sounds as if this person you are speaking about has loads. And she is probably enjoying it to the max, despite what people in Mumsnet will tell you, and why shouldn't she?

But you also need to consider the ways in which you are lucky. Okay, your parents didn't buy you a house - boohoo. Very few people get that. But do you have a nice place to live? And a nice husband/partner? And a job? And decent health? If so you have things many people lack. These things are not going to make you feel better about your fertility problems, which I suspect are the real issue here, but if you are feeling like she gets everything and you get nothing, remind yourself that is not the case.

yep. For some, life is delivered on a silver platter, things come easily without much effort ( I find these people often to be quite lazy because they always end up with what they want / need without having to try - so why bother?!) Others have to work much harder to achieve the things they want.

I do sometime wonder whether the ‘have it easy’ crew are just masters of manipulating others to work in their favour. It often appears that way!

There are millions of people living in refugee camps, women and girls not allowed to go to school.

We can all feel a bit sorry for ourselves sometimes but it helps to be grateful for what you have instead of being upset someone else has a bit more than you.

YANBU. People who get jobs in TV because of who their parents are…..

No one has a perfect life.

I don't want to be married so that life doesn't sound enviable to me. Horses fit courses.

Sounds too perfect. Husband may be a controlling idiot for all we know.

I feel like my life has been pretty perfect!
I had and still have parents who love me dearly, siblings I get on with beside normal squabbling, married a man I loved, had 3 children without difficulty and all healthy so far. Parents gave me my first car and a house deposit and other sporadic help over the years. I have loads of support with childcare and I am able to work part time while the kids are young. My job's alright. I did well in exams at school without effort and I'm healthy in major ways myself.

All of that is amazing and so much more than is guaranteed.
But my parents had a very volatile and unhappy marriage (seems to have simmered down now we're all grown but they have their moments) and I had a lot of anxiety throughout my childhood which has scarred me. I was a social outcast at school other than about 3 core friends. Low level bullied my entire school career. The man I loved at 20 was the wrong man for me, so we're still married but haven't been happy for years, if ever. We rub along and sometimes it's worse than others.

I say this to show that 'perfect' is in some ways a mindset. I still think my life has been incredibly lucky. But I don't have everything. No one does. Perhaps you can reframe yours.

Some people have more opportunities or life opens more doors for them

I am sure people probably think I'm one of those people with lots of luck in life I have a wonderful DD, married to a Great man for over a decade been together almost 20 years live in a lovely big house nice car multiple holidays

I'm not boastful as in look at me posts in social media but I do post about my lifestyle/trips etc however I never post about our fertility troubles and not being able to have a second dc. Or when dh was worried about his job or when dc needed life saving surgery which has ongoing life changing implications or parents with cancer or big family fall outs which impact us...

You honestly never know what's going on in anyone's life you only see a snapshot of it so just focus on your own life and achieving your own goals!

i do think that somepeople are genuinely lucky and fall on their feet more often than not.

but then you have to think at what cost?

I knew one of these
Turns out he was beating her

You just never know what's really going on with someone

Delete the apps and get on with your own life, it could be worse.