AIBU to think life falls perfectly for some people?

[Hellskitchen24]

Feeling a bit sorry for myself, so please don’t go too hard at me. Struggling with TTC, general fertility issues, and always struggled with my MH.

Am I delusional in thinking that life does fall pretty perfectly for some people? Someone I know fits into this category; perfect family upbringing, two parents that adore each other and have been married a million years. They purchased her a house and car so she already had a fantastic start. She’s just married a wonderful man who’s good looking from a wealthy family. Instagram is full of them in exotic locations and she looks perfect; perfect figure without an ounce of fat on her, every part of her utterly immaculate. I know they want to start TTC soon and I’m just waiting for the pregnancy announcement. Am I jealous? Hell yes I am, I won’t deny it.

I know comparison is a thief of joy. And I know people curate the best parts of their life to put on Instagram. But some people genuinely do live these wonderful lives (like my example) and never seem to have any hardships. I know a lot it boils down to money; money buys you personal trainers, top quality food, every beauty treatment under the sun, trips to exotic locations. Privilege buys you a headstart in life; no scrimping and saving for absolutely everything, because things are handed to you.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. I know life is unfair and I probably just need to get a grip.

Often you find people who have had it easy in life crumble when hardship strikes . A psychiatric nurse told me that . Often they are people whose parents have fought their battles for them and have protected them from hardships and have picked up the pieces for them . When those parents pass away the safety net has also been taken away .

Of course everyone has problems at some point in life. Yes get a grip.
Stop looking at instagram.

Money can bring alot of unhappiness too.

I know a few people in real life who have a "perfectly fallen life"

The reality is these are people who have a naturally optimistic attitude. They don't have a better life per se, but they do have a better attitude.

They don't expend energy on moaning about the shit in their lives, they focus on the positive.

I fucking hate these people 😂

Yeah, now that you mention, perhaps that's how she gets everything free or very easy, through manipulating people, while also praising herself when she gets something, like proud of herself for her "hard work ".

I know only one couple, lovely together, new born, lovely house. Parents a bit over baring but their life is good, they're lovely people as well, happy for them

Honestly on the surface I had the perfect life, the husband that adored me, the house, the two cars. It looked like the perfect life.

He was an abusive twat. And I would paint a mask on, I could have been crying in the car but the moment I walked into my friend's house I was a happy person.

You never know what goes on under those intsa perfect photos.

I have multiple children but each one has medical or mental health issues. Want to swap? No, thought not.

You know, this is the problem when we cherry pick aspects of people's lives and assume thats all there is to it when we want to swap lives. But, it doesnt work that way. I was listening to a podcast recently and they said you cant pick aspects of someone's lives and choose their life would be better because if you did have their life you'd have to have ALL of it, not just those nice aspects and the problem is, you have no idea what ALL of their life is actually like because noone shares all of their life.

Looking at social media pictures is not someone's real life- they are the edited highlights and they have been curated in such a way as to appear lovely haven't they?

Be very careful of wishing you had their life- you have no idea what dark things are happening in private. I know several people who post envy inducing photos but I personally know the reality is completely different. I am not saying everyone who posts great pics is miserable of course, but the point is you arent looking at this from a rational point of view. Noone escapes this life without suffering of some kind. Noone.

Does it really help to pretend that everyone who seems to have a happy life is miserable behind closed doors?

We all know it's utter nonsense. I know people with a very charmed life, and they're intelligent enough to be grateful to be that lucky! It doesn't mean they do nothing, achieve nothing, they work hard on whatever goal they have, but they are LUCKY. Very dear friends are shortly doing an iron man as a couple, that's tough physically, it's not mandatory but having a charmed life doesn't mean being lazy.

Instead of becoming resigned with aspects of your life you don't like, nothing stops you from trying to change them as much as you physically can. The easiest one is to change career when you are stuck in a miserable job, but no one has to dread going to work for the next 20 or 30 years.

It's usually not all sunshine and rainbows. My best friend gushed about how #blessed she was with her wonderful generous husband on FB. I thought differently, I knew she was the main earner and did all everything at home and looked after the disabled DC all while he played at successful businessman and family man #blessed indeed. Turns out he'd been cheating on her since before they were married. From the outside it looked like they had a fabulous life.

Comparison is completely useless. Echoing everyone, we all have shit to deal with. We've been lucky in a lot of aspects and looks like we're winning in life. We've had redundancy which took us 10yrs to recover from financially. There's always someone better off than you. Put your energies into working your life to where you want it.

OP, I can understand why you feel as you do, but you put your finger on it when you said that comparison is a thief of joy. I have a sister who really does seem to have a shaft of sunlight over her in life, BUT while I am not in my sister’s league, I really don’t have it too bad, and frankly, all of us who have had the good fortune to be born in this country should be looking at our glass as half full rather than half empty. So look to the positives in your own life, rather than allowing a few carefully cultivated Instagram post to drain the joy from your everyday. Life is unfair - but if you care to make comparisons the other way and look at the positives in your own life, rather than envying the advantages that others have, you will begin to understand that even if you haven’t been born the scion of a noble family and about to inherit a castle, there are still many positives in what you do have. It might help to write down every day five positive things - and they only need to be little things - because you do believe the story you tell yourself in your head, and it’s very easy to get into a negative mental groove.

I'm a big believer that life is a summary of our decisions, habits and actions.
Of course, if you start off well privileged, it's easier to make some decisions/take some actions, but many have shown that anything is possible, the route may just look different.

Knowing this helps A. Give you control over 'luck' and B. You decide if you'd actually want that.

For example; I have a friend who is also immaculate, you'd be fooled for thinking she spent a fortune on beauty treatments to get that skin. However, she doesn't, she couldn't afford to. So, she spends her Sunday with a £20 Amazon steamer doing an at home facial and beauty routine with high street products.
The outcome is still glowing skin and great appearance, it's just a different path.

Equally; if you knew that perfect body came from 20 hours exercise a week, would you still want it?

Hardships come to us all, inevitably. Some are more obvious than others; that svelte figure could be the result of battling an eating disorder or crohns of course.
Comparison makes us assume the best of others, and the worst of ourselves.

If you know these people, why not spend some time in their company. We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, if you're feeling down on your luck, spending time with them will make you feel a little bit luckier.

It's unlikely to solve your fertility issues, but it may well lift your mood!

(This is not to diminish your TTC struggle, it must be awful for you. 💜)

Equally; if you knew that perfect body came from 20 hours exercise a week, would you still want it?

This is exactly my point too! People look at aspects of a person and presume they are naturally blessed with it but often its not the case.

Like your example, I have great skin but I put a lot of effort into it- use retin a every night, wear 50spf every damn day, drink tons of water, dont drink alcohol etc

Same with weight- I limit what I eat, work out, run, never eat dessert (not in a punishing manner but just because I know I put weight on easily)

I've been told by people I am "lucky" but it's fck all to do with luck- it's because I put a huge effort into it. If you dont want to do that, thats absolutely fine of course but these things are not something just were just bestowed upon me- I work hard to keep them that way and it takes a lot of effort on my part.