To find this really weird and annoying

[user29863]

Even if I am being unreasonable, I think I should get some credit for my diagram, which I am super proud of.

We live in a small neighbourhood full of older retired people who seem very concerned with our garden weeds and (perfectly legal) parking and whether our bins are visible etc. Mentioning age incase it's a generational thing; mentioned their concerns as it explains why they visit frequently. We also live in a bungalow, on an estate full of bungalows. We're in a cul-de-sac, right at the end, with nothing to one side of us except a dead end. We are quite young with a new baby and a not quite perfect garden, but we're genuinely not awful neighbours and our house is clean and tidy inside and out; it just isn't Privet Drive standards because we're busy.

For some reason, when our neighbours need to collect a parcel, or helpfully remind us to use weed killer on the 3 dandelions on our lawn, they always use our back door. To do this, they need to walk past our perfectly good front door (which we always use), and past our bedroom and bathroom windows. Our garden is really private and so we should technically be able to shower without the blinds closed and merrily walk around our bedrooms naked, but this habit of the neighbours seems really intrusive and stops me dancing around my bedroom, breasts akimbo. Our neighbours are well aware of they layout of our house because theirs are all identical. I don't know if they are trying to get their steps in or just be nosy, but it seems really unneccessary to do this, and I'm super annoyed by it. DP is unbothered by it. I realise the solution is to put a gate on the side of our house but I'm on maternity leave and money is tight.

So, is this a normal thing people do and IABU, or is this weird?

Odd. I would nip this in the bud so either decline to open the back door bellow through it to go round the front. Or exit your house via your front door to peer down the side of the horse and ask why are they at the back door. Discussions about the 3 dandelions l wouldn’t get into as it’s none of their business

This.

Excellent diagram, OP. It’s making me feel nosy-neighbour cul -de-sac claustrophobia just looking at it.

Very nice diagram!
I'd just say to them next time, do you mind using the front door please next time.
Sometimes people find front doors more formal. My grandparents for example, we always went in the side entrance not the front door for some reason that was postie and non related visitors only. Maybe it was "for best" like the front room?

I wonder if the people who lived there before asked them to use the back door? In any case, while that might explain it, it doesn't excuse it. I would tell them they should use the front door in future.

I would also not be using weedkiller on the dandelions. I like dandelions, and bees and other insects.

Excellent diagram
Do they all use the back door of each others homes? Maybe it's the done thing there, or habit if a previous occupant in your home always used the back? Possible they just want a nosey round!
You could stop taking in parcels so they don't need to call round, but the obvious thing is to just tell them to use the front door!

Agree, feels like an invasion of privacy. Like PP said don't answer back door, they should get the message. Any way of blocking their path to the back door, garden furniture, bins, etc?

Yadnbu and I can tell your on maternity with a new baby and not much adult company by your diagram which is fab 😂😂😂😂😂
It is weird they're going so far out of their way, is it just one neighbour or do they all do it?
I also wonder if that's the habit they've got into over the years with each other and the previous occupants of your house?
To be fair, they don't sound the worst and they're probably relishing some younger company - I think the only way to sort it diplomatically would be a gate - or invest in some one way window stuff so you can see out and admire your garden while starkers but they can't see in 🤣❤️

Or just put a plant pot in the way so they can't?

First of all that's an ASTONISHINGLY good and detailed diagram, I am gobsmacked, I think you have a future career beckoning in diagram making. ⭐
Secondly yes they are being weird but maybe they had a back-door relationship with previous incumbent and haven't quite clocked that it's inappropriate to keep doing the same thing with new people?

Thirdly I'm nearly 70 and I wouldn't give a flying fart about the state of your garden or anything else.
Fourthly - temporary solution - get a couple of heavy plant troughs across the path and plant them up. Ones put too close together and too high for them to get round or climb over.
They are verging on being cheeky fuckers and need nipping in the bud.

Oh, and when I got sick of the umpteenth bowling-green-style lawn obsessed neighbour offering us weed killer (perfectly well-tended garden, but I was happy for lawn to have daises, buttercups and clover) and chemical ‘lawn treatments’ that I bored them rigid by giving them vast tracts about biodiversity until they desisted.

This was a village where I think literally every man appeared to spend his weekends washing his car and mowing his lawn. A ‘good lawn’ looked like a short-napped green velvet carpet, and needed Constant Vigilance against moss, daisies etc.

They probably consider it informal to use the back door and formal to use the front door. Put your bins on this back door path as an immediate solution. You could get one of the fence planter systems to put across the path or put a chain across the path at a height they would see. Or a sign saying wet paint avoid this path.

your diagram is brilliant well done.

I think it's probably habit -or something like that, maybe the previous owner preferred to use back door -my mil now deceased, used to like us go down side of house through a gate, around the back of house, and knock on back door which she had to open, rather than trouble her to open front door -her living room was about equidistant between doors, her own kids had keys, it was mostly neighbours who had to come in this way, she seemed to have something about the door bell. Anyway when your baby is bigger you may need that gate anyway be starting to make plans , meantime talk to neighbours when they do it tell them it's disturbing baby's naps or something can they come to front door. how do they approach other neighbours houses.

Well I'm old and I can categorically say this would really annoy me. I like my privacy and I would find this stressful.

When I was younger we lived on a new build housing estate and the elderly woman a couple of doors down used to walk across the open plan neighbours back garden and just walk straight in my back door and into my kitchen . Apparently where she lived previously this was normal behaviour.
I solved this by locking the back door all the time, even though I preferred to keep it unlocked for my own convenience. Could you OP just not answer the back door if your neighbour keeps coming round to the back if the house? If they regularly didn't get an answer there they might get the message you don't want visitors there.
As regards your garden. I'm a keen gardener but I've regularly had neighbours with extremely messy over grown gardens. But I would never comment on them. Their gardens, their business. Same with your garden. It's yours to do what you like with, within reason of course. If you used it as a rubbish tip for old household items etc then it might be different if course.

Not sure where op keeps her horse as mentioned up thread....
Shove a huge potted plant in the middle of where they access your back door...

Just remembered we rented a rural farmhouse with 2 ndn's not quite attached. 1 ndn strolled in on the second day we were there. As in into the kitchen. Apparently the previous tenant had no issues. We padlocked the courtyard and she reported us to the landlord...

Put your bins on the path to block access to the back, that'll further annoy them 😅

As others have said just don't answer your back door.

Either:

1. Shout from inside or through a window telling them to come to the front,
2. Go out the front door, round to the corner of the house and then ask them to come to the front door (and don't continue the conversation until they do; or
3. Just ignore them if they go to the backdoor.

I would also put a sign on the back door that says "please use front door"

I agree with other posters and would block the side path with large plant pots in the first instance but I would also get a nice high side gate installed too, for general security reasons too. I can't imagine living in a house where anyone could walk round into my back garden.

When they go to the back door, open the front door and call them.
Then say “use the front door please Cecil”. If he mutters about it, point out that he has to pass the front door to get to the back door.
It’s quite possible they like the opportunity to peer in your windows.

Sorted

@user29863 Stop taking in their parcels and tell them why you are refusing. They are rude and entirely unreasonable and probably nosy as you said. I agree to stop answering the back door and putting a sign up. Good luck.

Tell them you are doing wildlife gardening.

I actually am doing wildlife gardening but am also actually quite a lazy gardener.

I sewed meadow seeds and planted plug plants into the front lawn to actually get more "weeds". I made a bug house in a shady corner. I planted a small tree in the middle of the lawn. I have tons of really tall flowering plants like giant daisies, foxgloves and teasels, with a ton of hardy geraniums and so on as ground cover. You cannot see any soil, it is covered with plants. I leave seed heads on for birds to eat and weed/dig infrequently. I leave dandelions for the goldfinches to eat.

Most of the gardens locally have neat lawns, and borders with tiny plants with lots of soil around them and no weeds. The neighbours probably think my garden is a mess.

Fabulous diagram!

Excellent diagram.

I would just not answer the back door to them, ever.

If they know you are home, go out of the front door and walk round to them looking bewildered.

Ask them to please use the front door.

Being charitable, maybe that is what the previous owner preferred, or what they all do. I know my grandma never used a front door as it was for posh and formal visitors. Riff raff used the tradesman's entrance at the back.

But it's still intrusive so I think you can nip that in the bud.

I would explain that you are cultivating the dandelions as a salad crop, and you are very disappointed at the low yield.
You are considering cabbages and potatoes next year.
Excellent diagram.