To find this really weird and annoying

[user29863]

Even if I am being unreasonable, I think I should get some credit for my diagram, which I am super proud of.

We live in a small neighbourhood full of older retired people who seem very concerned with our garden weeds and (perfectly legal) parking and whether our bins are visible etc. Mentioning age incase it's a generational thing; mentioned their concerns as it explains why they visit frequently. We also live in a bungalow, on an estate full of bungalows. We're in a cul-de-sac, right at the end, with nothing to one side of us except a dead end. We are quite young with a new baby and a not quite perfect garden, but we're genuinely not awful neighbours and our house is clean and tidy inside and out; it just isn't Privet Drive standards because we're busy.

For some reason, when our neighbours need to collect a parcel, or helpfully remind us to use weed killer on the 3 dandelions on our lawn, they always use our back door. To do this, they need to walk past our perfectly good front door (which we always use), and past our bedroom and bathroom windows. Our garden is really private and so we should technically be able to shower without the blinds closed and merrily walk around our bedrooms naked, but this habit of the neighbours seems really intrusive and stops me dancing around my bedroom, breasts akimbo. Our neighbours are well aware of they layout of our house because theirs are all identical. I don't know if they are trying to get their steps in or just be nosy, but it seems really unneccessary to do this, and I'm super annoyed by it. DP is unbothered by it. I realise the solution is to put a gate on the side of our house but I'm on maternity leave and money is tight.

So, is this a normal thing people do and IABU, or is this weird?

Honestly, this was worth it for the diagram alone. What a thing of beauty.

And YANBU to find it weird and annoying. Your neighbours sound intrusive and weird. I would definitely be telling them, in a polite way, to mind their own business. You aren't obliged to keep your lawn weed-free - it's your lawn, not theirs, and you can have it looking as neat or as 'natural' as you like.

They wouldn't like living next door to me - I do cut my grass reasonably regularly but I let the clover, daisies and buttercups grow in between cuts and I love seeing the bees enjoying them. I never use weedkiller because it's terrible for the environment.

That is a fine diagram. I agree about putting something on your back door saying not to use and anytime anyone knocks on your back door either ignore or answer the front door and call them round.

I think you have a few choices about their concerns regarding the parking, bins and weeds. You can nod, smile and ignore. Keep telling them on repeat that you are happy with the situation and repeat. Or you can cut them off and tell them that they are BU and you won’t discuss it further, then when they bring it up say “I’ve told you I am not discussing this” and close the door.

I suspect they only really have an issue because they aren’t busy and are used to things being a certain way but YANBU.

I came here for the diagram. I am not disappointed!

If you can't run to a gate at the mo, just leave the back door locked and if they knock go to the front door and call them around. They will soon get bored of walking back past the house if the back door isn't opened for them.

I think a diplomatic way to do it is to claim that the baby has unpredictably timed naps in the bedroom and that people walking past are waking them up, so it's front door only please!

PS fantastic diagram!

Are you in Yorkshire?

Bloody magnificent diagram; well done OP.

I sympathise with the 'nosy Privet Drive' neighbours; I have one of those.

But no, YANBU at all. That's making out that they're your best friends and have a close relationship that entitles them to trot all the way round your property.

If you can't afford a gate atm, are you able to make a temporary 'block' to the side entrance i.e. do you have a pallet that would fit the gap that you could wedge in place? Or place some potted plants there to make an obstacle course?

Get a couple of second hand (off Facebook) expandable stair gates for the sides. Looks like a bungalow but you might want to keep them for later anyway when baby is moving round.

Great idea

Kudos for the diagram! 🏆
If you can't stretch to a side gate to block access to your back door then line up your bins to block access, grow hedging with thorns, put up a sign on the back door saying "private - please the front door". And as a last line of defence - razor wire and boobytraps.

the only thing that diagram lacks is a little stick person, boobs akimbo, dancing in the back bedroom. otherwise it's a thing of beauty!

Tbh I'd just do the tits akimbo nuddy dancing and wave at them through the windows. If they're that prim and jobsworthy it'll definitely make them think twice about traipsing round the back. (A older neighbour of mine once appeared unannounced in the back garden with a bucket of veg when I was mooching around in a bikini. He went bright red, put the bucket on the floor without a word and left, staring at his shoes. Never been back 😂)

Failing that, a big notice at the start of the sideway telling them to use the front door.

Congrats on the diagram, btw - top effort.

"You know what they say - weeds are just flowers you don't like! Would you mind coming to the front door next time?"

PS Superb diagram 10/10

Hang a sign in the entryway to the back that reads "Baby napping - please use front door"

I’m with you OP - it’s extremely rude to walk round to the back door when there is a perfectly good front door.

My house only has rear facing doors. One on the side of the house (which the postman, delivery drivers etc use) and the kitchen door at the back where anyone who has been to my house before uses.

My lounge patio doors also face onto the bank garden. I have my office set up close by them and I have had to install a driveway alarm to notify me of people coming down the driveway now as on several occasions (with different people) I’ve had people bypass the 2 normal doors to just stand by my patio doors and stare in at me working on my computer. Not only do I find this rude and it makes me jump out of my skin when I notice them but often it has happened when I’ve been in meetings or I’m looking at sensitive information. Granted they probably wouldn’t have been able to make out anything on the screen but still - that isn’t the point.

Now with the alarm I know they are coming and funnily enough, I haven’t had a single occurrence of people looking at me work since.

I had people do this in my old house. Most of them were fine, but a few insisted on coming to the back door. Crucial: don’t open the back door! Not even to tell them to go to the front door. Depending on distance, either open your front door and shout to them at the back to come round to the front, or stand by your unopened back door and shout to them to go round to the front door.

It takes a few goes, but they get the message. You can help train them by leaving a small obstacle on the path to the back door, eg a dustbin, a bike, a broom across the path, etc etc.

Here's your parcel nosey ndn, in future could you use the front door please?

It's a cultural thing to use the back door. In certain parts of the world the front door is only for debt collectors and undertakers so you would be making people do something they are a bit uncomfortable with by insisting on the front door. you could do it but it's a battle I wouldn't personally go in for (your choice if you do want to though).

I'd not be happy about being told to do weedkiller etc. Terrible stuff and probably harmful to human health as well as plant life, pollinators, soil life etc.

@BeachRide

Yep, big Fuck off gate is needed. We live in a bungalow and it was the first thing we did when we moved in, mainly for security

I'm really sorry, here you go

Yes, we're in Yorkshire- is it a Yorkshire thing?!

Put a note on your back door saying “Please go to the front door, this door will not be answered”.