To find this really weird and annoying

[user29863]

Even if I am being unreasonable, I think I should get some credit for my diagram, which I am super proud of.

We live in a small neighbourhood full of older retired people who seem very concerned with our garden weeds and (perfectly legal) parking and whether our bins are visible etc. Mentioning age incase it's a generational thing; mentioned their concerns as it explains why they visit frequently. We also live in a bungalow, on an estate full of bungalows. We're in a cul-de-sac, right at the end, with nothing to one side of us except a dead end. We are quite young with a new baby and a not quite perfect garden, but we're genuinely not awful neighbours and our house is clean and tidy inside and out; it just isn't Privet Drive standards because we're busy.

For some reason, when our neighbours need to collect a parcel, or helpfully remind us to use weed killer on the 3 dandelions on our lawn, they always use our back door. To do this, they need to walk past our perfectly good front door (which we always use), and past our bedroom and bathroom windows. Our garden is really private and so we should technically be able to shower without the blinds closed and merrily walk around our bedrooms naked, but this habit of the neighbours seems really intrusive and stops me dancing around my bedroom, breasts akimbo. Our neighbours are well aware of they layout of our house because theirs are all identical. I don't know if they are trying to get their steps in or just be nosy, but it seems really unneccessary to do this, and I'm super annoyed by it. DP is unbothered by it. I realise the solution is to put a gate on the side of our house but I'm on maternity leave and money is tight.

So, is this a normal thing people do and IABU, or is this weird?

10/10 and a gold 🌟 for the diagram, BTW!

A+ diagram

This would really annoy me - it's not like a side door near your driveway that most family and frequent visitors would know to use, they're going all around the back of your house...?!

Unfortunately I feel that trying to 'block' their route would not work, and they'd only move the bin/plant, or point it out as being in the way. You're just going to have to politely 'request that the front door is used'.
edit: As to the ‘weeds’, start spouting facts about the huge decline in UK’s native insect population and soil quality, just bore/alarm them to pieces and they’ll never mention gardening to you again in fear of you bringing up rewilding or ‘natural lawns’, etc.

I am now mortified that I wrote "sewed" and not "sowed".

I will have my RHS Practical Horticulture Level 2 taken away!

MrHarleyQuin

I know what you mean. In real life I can spell, but the minute I touch a keyboard I turn illiterate.

I'd put a sign up at the side of your house "Welcome to the AGM of the UK Society of Polyamorous Naturists. Please make your way around to the back for the festivities"

Leave it up for a week and hopefully they'll stop coming around (or perhaps you'll get more than you bargained for)?

Your diagram is so good that I think you should be employed by Mumsnet to create all the diagrams.

If I were you and I saw them coming past the bedroom window, I'd start moaning really loudly, oh that's it daddy, right there daddy. I'm sure that would get rid of them pretty quickly 😂

Where abouts in the country are you? When we visit my in-laws in a different part of the country, I often get weirded out because people just appear at the massive glass bifold back doors, tapping on the glass and peering in. They're a variety of friends/family and I don’t understand why they don’t knock/ring on the front door but just seems like the “done” thing in their area.

Yes to shouting from the front door at them.

But put a fence/bush/pots/gate (locked) at the side to seriously impede their path.

Excellent diagram 👏
Agree with the gates 👏

I also suggest you also ask nosey neighnour's advice regarding installation of a pigeon loft, as you've been considering one for a while and are keen to have one installed as soon as possible.

Excellent diagram, especially liking the good use of colour.
I grew up in Yorkshire and back doors were for friends/neighbours and the front was for more formal visitors - could it be something like that?
Where I live now a lot of people use a side or back door if accesssible (ours is behind a gate)
I think if they knock at the back you should not open it and just yell "go round the front please"

I would put in a gate from the front corner of your house to their wall that is locked from the inside. Problem solved

Put a sign on the back door, 'Please use front door'.

Put a gate up on the drive? If there already is one put a padlock on it.

I also think go out through the front door look around the back and say, 'Can I help, we don't use the backdoor for visitors.' Looking suitably confused and bemused. Or go out holding a big stick and a phone and say 'Goodness you gave me a scare I thought you were a burglar prowling around in the back garden like that, I was just about to phone the police.' Waving phone, and then gently explain it's much safer to use the front door, where you expect visitors to arrive.

I guess it may be the way they interacted with the previous neighbours, some people like that informality.

Just refuse to answer the back door. If someone knocks, open the front door and shout “ hello, hello, did someone knock, is anyone there?”. Force them to walk around back to the front of your house and tell them you don’t use the back door. Do this every single time.

10/10 for diagram, and edits.
I think you need a gate - and having a napping baby is a good excuse to insist in front door only. Good luck!

Yeh you definitely need a gate! With a lock on the inside!

Id just reply with 'oh I'm leaving those for the bees - it's advisable not to kill dandelions' (this is true)

Get a sign for your garden that says 'pardon the weeds, we are feeding the bees', you can get cute ones. That should stop annoying dandelion comments. And if they still comment, point to the sign.

Absolutely ridiculous they are going around into your back garden, get a little sign that says private and pop it on a piece of string or a chain that you link from fence to house, it will be a cheap solution.

I was staying at a holiday home in Ireland once and the neighbour just opened the front door without knocking and walked right into the house, I nearly fell over at the rudeness. Everyone was still in their PJs. Some people have different ways, I am very into privacy.

I'd be putting a fence between the house and the wall that's too high to climb. With a lockable gate if the space is as wide as it looks in the diagram.

If money is too tight for the gate now, just tell them the next time you see them you're putting in a gate soon (be vague but imply very soon), so probably best to start using the street door. Then you can do it when you an afford it in a year or whatever.

Can even ham it up talking about adding some cameras, motion light etc. Say a stranger came round the side and just made you realise how exposed it is so have decided to make more secure and private.

In 20 years on here I've never seen such a superb diagram. Top notch.

Have you asked them to use the front door? If not, why not?

I can’t imagine there would be any sensible reason to use the back door (except if they were leaving something for you which they thought might be prone to theft). Just say that you would prefer them to come to the front door, their using the back door makes you nervous because it surprises you and the baby.

Unless they are either nosy or weird, they will go along with it. And if they don’t , they will be proclaiming their status as nosy or weird, so….

Signed Very Elderly person who has not become inconsiderate with age - yet.
👩🏻‍🦯

Where I grew up we very rarely used the front door. Everyone came round the back even though like your house it was the long way round. The milkman - everyone used it.
I reckon it’s just the way it is in your neighbourhood. Or as mentioned previous owners. I have a friend who never locks her door and expects everyone to open it , come in and shout out ‘hello’. Now she does not have the nicest of marriages but still do this (I actually pause at the door for a minute to listen for anything untoward). I couldn’t stand that - I also hate people dropping in unannounced. My door is locked.
The weed thing etc is just a red herring here. And yes best diagram ever!

Since you're so talented at diagrams, put one on the back door showing visitors exactly where to go. Then pretend you can't hear them knocking on the back door.

And let the grass grow, weed killer is evil stuff. You'll be the talk of the cul de sac!

I love your biodiversity lecture! The weed killered lawn is outdated and quite ignorant.

Excellent diagram.
I feel your pain I once had a neighbour let themselves in my house catching me stark naked in the kitchen ( they did knock after that!!)
Long term only a gate will do. But agree with previous poster ( do not answer the back door- even if they can see you. Go to the front door and shout "hello"
maybe if you want to be naughty block the side access with your bins and if anyone mentions it say "we are only putting them there until we get a gate as we keep getting random people coming around the back"

I'm sorry, I just came here to say excellent diagram :)