To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

Is a 24 year old being sexually interested in a 20 year old disgusting? A 23 year old and a 19 year old? 22 year old and an 18 year old? How about a 50 year old and a 46 year old? 😑

@CaptainOliviaBenson - and how old do you think this couple are that the OP so disapproves of? They must have got together at least 20 years ago. It wasn't yesterday.

I don't understand this. It's FOUR YEARS! The 16 year old is of age! Unless the 20 year old is their teacher (highly unlikely) it's no different to a 17 year old and a 21 year old, or an 18 year old and a 22 year old!

That's exactly my point! 20 years ago or more 16 year olds had full time jobs. Left home. (I did). Went down the pub without ID.

This is mumsnet. Mumsnet law decrees you must never date anyone with a greater age gap than 6 months either way.
Anything higher or lower than this will earn you the label of kiddy fiddler/granny grabber
Be warned ⚠️

Sorry, Olivia, I misunderstood. You're right.

I wouldn’t like it if it was my daughter or I was the current age but if it happened a while ago? I wouldn’t judge a friend for it.

How old are you @AvrilAprill ?

1964 was 60 years ago OP! 42 years ago it was 1982. Are you sure you're not stuck in a time warp somewhere?

My dds are 21 and 17 and there really isn't that much difference in them maturity and experience wise. If my 17 year old was dating a 20-21 year old I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Isn't 16 the age of consent. Twenty one is only a few years older and men (allegedly) mature more slowly, so all things being relative it's not that bad.

Starting from 16 I had a 2 year relationship with someone 10 years older than me. At the time, didn't seem weird but does sort of seem wrong in hindsight! We had a very normal, healthy relationship though and are still (distantly) friends now. I was a bit unusual in that I moved out at 16 due to an unhealthy family set up, so was independent and probably more mature than others that age. I did tell him I was 18 to start with, but came clean a couple of weeks in.

My first love at 16/17 was a 23yo man. It never felt dirty or sordid until I read this thread. I'm 45 so he'd be 51 now. My dh is 54 BTW.

16 and 20 is gross. Deal with it.

To you! I guess my 46 year old body sleeping with my 50 year old DH is gross. Deal with it.

To you! I guess my 46 year old body sleeping with my 50 year old DH is gross. Deal with it.

Obviously not. 4 years at your ages is nothing. 4 years older when you're only a 16 year old child is huge.

Child ! at 16 they can leave school, Marry, vote, join the army. People really baby their teenagers these days.

When I was a teenager in the 80s one of my best friends got together with a 20 year old when we were all 16. It was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to her, she was going off the rails a bit and had already slept with several boys (much closer in age). She lied to him about her age initially but he made her slow down and get to know him rather than shagging her straight away. He is genuinely one of the nicest, calmest, most grounded men I have ever met, particularly at that age. They married when she was 18 and have been together ever since (and sensibly didn't have children until they had been married 10 years). Times were different and it didn't seem a crazy age gap and there really was nothing dodgy in his behaviour towards her.

Having said that, I have 15yo and 16yo DDs and I absolutely would not be happy with them dating someone 4 years older than them at this age. But they look on anyone that much older as ancient and would view them very suspiciously. Things have changed.

How old are your friends? I'm guessing from your responses you're still reasonably young, but old enough that a 3-4 year age gap is no longer worthy of comment. I think you have to let it go, if they had met at 18 and 22 or 20 and 24 would you be as shocked?

In Scotland, not in England.

No, perhaps you need to deal with the fact that 94% of people voting on this thread (a majority will be women) don't think it's gross. Neither does the law, as the younger party was over the age of consent.

Abusive and controlling relationships can happen with any age differential and 4 years, that will mean nothing later on and clearly doesn't in the relationship the op describes, do not mean it would be automatic.

What a childish and cringey response.

You can’t possibly compare a 46yo and 50yo with a 16yo and 20yo.

Mumsnet is fucking batshit.

I said 'NEVER seem to hear' (bold added now for emphasis).

Why? We were 16 and 20 when we first slept together. Why is it ok now, but not then?

Er, not to us it wasn't. Been together for 30 years!

I was 17 and ex dh had just turned 23 when we got together. We worked together, were together 10 years in total and married for 3.
Can't see the problem, a 5 year age gap was quite normal years ago , not sure why it is considered icky now provided both are over the legal age limit

I'm sure, if you've read the thread, you'll have realised that it isn't just the age difference that's the main issue, but the fact that one is a child and one is an adult.

I specifically said, way upthread, that if a 40yo and a 65yo - i.e. two mature adults - want to get together in a relationship, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Is there anything central to their life that a 24yo can do that a 20yo cannot? Same question with a 23yo and a 19yo; and a 50yo and a 46yo?

A great many people pass their driving tests at 17, but plenty are older. Is there anything concerning about a 70yo, a 60yo, a 40yo, a 25yo, a 20yo passing their test? Not in the least? What about a 13yo? Especially if they're 'very mature' and sensible? Four years isn't really very much at all, is it? Who would ever have a problem with that - except for the crazy archaic law that denies them that right?