To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

I don't think you can make a judgement like that, considering their marriage has stood the test of time. You don't choose who you fall in love with. I grew up with a man who started dating a 14 year old, it was a huge scandal in our village at the time. He was 27. But he was a lovely, kind gentle man. They've been together ever since, over 35 years. I don't think they would agree with you, or their families.

Of course I can make a judgement like that. All the relationship standing the test of time proves is that the grooming was successful. If it's all you've ever known, you often don't see it for what it is.

I'm well aware of what it means but your comparison of education is not remotely close the subject of relationships, hence my 'what?!'.

No, I’d be unhappy about it first. She is a child 16 still in school, 21 year old guys should focus on girls their own age. He could be the loveliest guy in the world but my first reaction would be this isn’t appropriate

If they are still together in 10 years time obviously I’m sure I’d of come to terms with it. I’d absolutely be concerned at the beginning and not be happy about it however after 10 years I wouldn’t judge them

I agree that the subject of the enforcement is different but the concept that a social group should be entitled to enforce such boundaries; and the enforcement methods (scaring females, threatening males, derogatory naming) are very similar

Apologies!!!! 😂😂

You sound very weird.

So it's not NEVER as you tried to so boldly claim and as my post was disputing

FWIW the case at my school didn't make the papers BTW, they don't all

Yes times have definitely changed. 23 years ago I met my husband when I was 16 (I admit I pretended I was older) and he was 22 (and very young for his age). We married when I was 20. Nobody batted an eyelid. I was very determined and knew I’d found the person I wanted to be with. Had 3 children and are still married!
In all honesty, I wouldn’t be thrilled if my daughter was in a similar situation at 16, but I think that’s unfair to judge people’s relationships and hold that against them! I’d be so upset if someone thought that of me 😢

Typical Mumsnet. Not believing the OP 😂

A 20 year old man being sexually attracted to a 16 year old is disgusting.

On this thread he's,disgusting, on so many others he'd be described as hardly an adult, his brain isn't developed, and it would be unreasonable to expect any kind of mature decisions and behaviour from him.

Agreed. Questiom was friend 16 and her partner 20 when they met, now OP is comparing with couples meeting at 15 and 25. Op is a busybody.

I had a 22yo boyfriend when I was 17. He was, and still is, a lovely man, not some kind of predator. He'd never had a girlfriend before. We're no longer together, but not because of the age gap.

It really isn't your place to judge anyway, you sound like you need to focus on other things in your life instead of getting bothered by something so... irrelevant to you.

The age gap might be a little unusual these days but it's no big deal, only 4 years.

A mature 16 year old realises that 21 year old men interested in them are weird for being interested in them. That's real maturity

Wise words.

OP didn't do that, it's been done in the thread. We even had a lovely story about a 14yo & a 27yo living happily ever after🤮

Don't be so ridiculous. Pearls are expensive y'know. Unclench the death grip.

Why? I was 16 when I met my husband, he was 20. Been together for 30 years.

No, ignorant and closed minded words.

One of the most ridiculous posts I have ever seen on MN and there is stiff competition.

So smart, mature teenage girls are 'ignorant and closed minded' for not wanting the attentions of (at least) socially inadequate or (at worst) predatory 20 something year old men?

Ok then...

Bloody hell I missed that one!

This! I was going clubbing and getting stonking drunk from 14/15 onwards. Worked in a bar at 15.

OP can you not see the difference in a 4-year age gap and a 10-year age gap?

I wasn't still in school when I was 16! My parents left school when they were 14. Depends on their generation, doesn't it?

Again that's now! 20, 30 40+ years ago people started adulthood a lot earlier. Kids left school at 14 and 15, went to the pub at 14, 15.