To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

Yabu. Wtf has it got to do with you. They are both older now and presumably their relationship appears to be successful otherwise you would have said so. Why does it matter when they met. Surely you have met couples before with successful age gap relationships or who met when one of them was young? Sometimes it is right. I am really surprised that meeting them years later you would give this a second thought.

When I was 16 my (first) boyfriend was 19 - he was immature and we only lasted a few months. That age gap was considered entirely normal at the time. No one batted an eye. At 17 my boyfriend was 27. My parents weren’t impressed by that but we were together 3 years. I out grew him. My next boyfriend was 9 years older than me. He worked hard and treated me well and got on great with my parents. We were a bit older then (22 and 31) and that relationship lasted 5 years. I met my husband in my late 20s. He was 7 years older.

I started work at 15 and from 17 tended to meet people in the pub (although I met my first boyfriend through a mutual friend). I always seemed to be attracted to older men and looking back they were all balanced normal relationships. I am 51.

My 2 aunts married men older than them (9 years and 13 years) when they themselves were less than 20. One couple met in the pub, the other through work. They were happily married for many years. My mum thought this was a bad idea because they would spend many years alone in retirement but life isn’t so easy to plan. One aunt died almost 20 years before her husband the other outlived hers by barely a year. My mum and dad were close in age and she outlived him by almost 20 years.

Wtf? 😂😂😂 What a bizarre thing to suggest.

That’s a thing?? People being jealous that other people have been together longer??

If they have a solid relationship years later then I think you are being unreasonable. .
My first boyfriend was 24. I was 16. Yes there was a power dynamic that wasn't great tbh looking back,but to be clear I wanted that relationship and was a fully consenting participant. We lasted 2 years. If we were together all these years later I wouldn't be impressed with people judging us for it years after the fact.

You know what people try so so hard to
be funny and it’s just a bit weird … anyway moving on.

oh were you trying to be funny? I DID think your original question was weird, good spot... seriously though, if it matters that much to you you should quiz them about it. Unless you think it's none of your business and you'd look like a weirdo of course.

omg I just reread the original post
MAYBE THEY JUST MOVED TO THE AREA BECAUSE THEY WERE RUN OUT OF THEIR LAST TOWN WHEN SOMEONE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE 4 YEAR AGE GAP

@longapple 😂was everybody shouting "grim!" and "icky!" at them? 😂

It's not the worst thing. They're still together so I doubt it was abusive or non consensual.
When I was 15, my bf was 18, and some of my 17yo mates had 21 yo boyfriends. They were usually pretty immature lads. Not older, groomer types. They felt the same sort of age as us. It was all pretty harmless stuff.

I was wondering at what age a 4 or 5 year age-gap becomes acceptable. I mean, there must be an Absolute Rule, right? And what about the other way round? Is it EVER acceptable for a man to date a woman 4 years older than him? The horror, the horror!

I went out with a 20 year old when I was 16 for about a year. I can absolutely say he was not some predator. He was doing an apprentice and still living at home, so maybe that contributed to him being less mature. He was a nice fella. I'd say if anything I used him.

You said you're talking to the wrong generation on here. I'm 35 for context

Yes!! Shotguns, burning effigies, villagers with pitchforks...
They had to flee with only the clothes they were standing up in.
Their parents were ostracised, their well poisoned, their crops burnt...

you forgot the words daubed on their front door

JEZEBEL!

Well 93% of posters think you’re being unreasonable, that’s not a small majority and it will cover a large difference in ages, you seem to find it difficult to accept that it’s you that’s in the wrong.

op do you know what school the kids are at? maybe you should contact them and let them know of your concerns. Letter to their neighbours as well. perhaps consider a poster campaign too. 👍

Haha, my DH is 5 years younger than me. It's scandalous really.

OH! start a gofundme to do a billboard!

Oh my god, you predatory cougar, you!
I will alert the village elders.

I am willing to contribute. Nothing like this happened when Oliver Cromwell was in charge.

I would suggest that this is the logical conclusion to your post. What did you hope to achieve? You clearly think they are beyond the pale?

people can get married here in Scotland, at16, it-s law. Not many do.People used to give to work at 14. Why do we baby teenagers now!

I have a 15 year old DD and if she brought home a 21 year old next year I wouldn’t be happy about it.

Would you perhaps talk to him, get to know him first?

Seriously?!!

I kind of agree with OP in that it is creepy for a child to be dating an adult. When I was 15 /16 my school was rural, and the main status symbol was to have a boyfriend with a car. In the case of one girl the boyfriend also had a fiancée but that was OK because he drove her out to country pubs. It was sleazy as fuck, but we were not like other girls and oh so mature. We were naive kids being groomed and thinking it made us edgy or sophisticated.

The reason for the "kind of" is that they are not currently an adult dating a child, they are 2 adults. Loads of relationships have an element of coercion but you've not said that this is one of them. I'd have a stomach turn when I initially found out but unless you can see signs of abuse or coercion in their current relationship, there nothing to challenge.