Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

It’s not that I couldnt be fucked at all. It would be a 40 min round trip to take it to hers whereas I was planning to drop it when I pass hers on my way too or from work tomorrow. Between two kids one of which is ill, a job, and all the other life shit that has to get done I havnt had 40 mins to do it which is why i told her id drop it round soon instead of making a promise of a specific date i might not be able to do.

we are literally talking about a small £10 present here not the Crown Jewels, a 40yo woman can wait a few days without it needing to be a huge drama

Do you think ppl either forget 100% of things or 0% of things? Ur acting like its impossible to believe someone could forget one thing but not another when that literally happens all the time. I dont get what point your trying to make at all

The majority of people at this age don’t make a big deal out of their birthday though, so I don’t think many people would consider it a particularly important date.

Your friend is acting like a spoilt 5 year old!
You have lots going on, are pregnant and have ADD, which she knows
You didn't ignore her birthday you were a day late
You did nothing wrong, and sound kind and considerate.
She is rude and selfish
I wouldn't reply... ever
Return the present if you don't want it.
She doesn't deserve it.

My goodness it’s mumsnet batshittery at its finest tonight!!!!

I was just thinking the same

Definitely batshittery. Goong to bed cos i will definitky be up at least once before morning with my LO! Thanks everyone who was kind, feel a lot better for it

Wow, she's very over the top! My own mother forgot my birthday and my son's birthday last year!

The OP forgot her adult friend's birthday by a day. On what planet is 'fuck off' a reasonable response in this situation? Oh yeah, planet mumsnet, silly me.

My best friend who I’ve literally known since I was a baby (our parents were best friends) forgot my birthday last year. She text me at 5am the next morning berating herself and full of apologies.. I of course forgave her straight away and didn’t for a second hold it against her, but by the evening of my birthday I was a bit sad about not hearing from her. But it really wasn’t a big deal.

I did it to a friend this week. It was her son’s first birthday and the pair of them have had a really tough year, I completely forgot to send a message the day of his birthday but remembered the next day and was so annoyed at myself! When I saw them over the weekend they were of course absolutely fine with me!

People are human and make mistakes, if she cares that much about you missing it by 24hours despite the effort you had actually made with a present and a further invite to something you’re doing then I’d just say they’re not someone you need in your life!

Wow! I can't imagine being friends with someone so high maintenance. I don't know when most of my friend's birthdays, they'd be pleased with a text as would I.

I'd text her back and I'd say 'Why did you tell me to fuck off? Because I didn't give you a present on your actual birthday? I'm sorry you're upset but I simply don't have the time or head space for this kind of drama.'

I don’t have a clue when most of mates birthdays are until they pop up on FB.

Last year I’d say 5/6 friends didn’t say happy birthday til the following day - never once crossed my mind to say fuck off instead of thank you because I’m not a rude spoilt entitled brat

I’d happily do as she asked. I can’t do with adults making a big fuss over their birthday.

How old is she? This is a 2 year tantrum

Spoilt brat move on and find a less childish friend.

Send her a big glittery “Happy 4th Birthday Card,” the more childishly designed the better. With a packet of hairpins inside. “I just thought maybe you needed to get a grip. Many happy returns!”

Some people are ridiculously high maintenance friends.
You aren't her partner.
I do not know when the birthdays are off the top of my head, nor do i exchange gifts with any of my friends.. evenmy closest ones.. unless they've thrown a party and invited me.. then I'd probably bring a gift but even then I wouldn't be able to tell you if the party was on their actual birthday or not...
And I have a lot of friends who I've had a long time.
I'd never expect them to remember my birthday either.. again unless I threw a party or was planning to do something with them in which I would be personally reminding them.. I'd not just sit back and hope they remembered..

Honestly some people are just looking to be offended and hurt.
Could she not have reminded you? Surely she knows you have ADD. If it were important to her she could've phoned you.. or sent you a text a few days before.. didn't even have to be direct could've just been 'not looking forward to turning 41 on tuesday' or whatever..

I mean honestly as an adult do you really sit there thinking all your busy adult friends who have their own families, jobs and multiple children.. as well as many other friends.. are going to always remember the date of your birthday with no prompting??
Particularly if you know they also have ADD?

Nah she's a bad, self absorbed friend to react so badly to this.

Fair enough to feel a little disappointed.. but to text someone 'Fuck off'
Sorry but that's unhinged.

I've personally got no time for people that uptight and uncharitable.

She could keep her high expectations if she were someone I knew.. she could keep her high expectations and she could fuck off with them herself.

She's gonna have a hard lonely life being that dramatic about people's mistakes.

People who are heavily “into” birthdays and use it as a form of manipulation really are the worst.

An ex-friend of mine did this thing where she deliberately hid her birthday notification on Facebook so that nobody would get any notifications, as a sort of “test” of people’s memory/birthday-devotion skills. And then did this big massive angry post where she fumed and raged about all the people who Didn’t Remember as soon as the notifications stopped popping up. I think I muted her after that.

This woman sounds deranged.Birthdays are an easy form of manipulation and control. I'd end the friendship.

I don’t have any patience for drama and BS and I have no trouble speaking my mind, but no way would I ever tell a friend to fuck off unless I meant to end the friendship right then and there. I’d be happy to follow orders and fuck right off forever.

She sounds awful.

Was it actually her 40th though? Had she talked about it with you before? Maybe she thought you’d at least manage to send a text on the day if it was the big 4-0.

Fuck off is awful though.

Could this have been "fuck off" as in "OMG fuck off you have got tickets for XXX yes I'd love to go"?

Clutching at straws I know, just wondering as where I'm from that wouldn't be uncommon 🤣

Do exactly what she says and don't look back.

What a rude person she is!

I rarely do this without explanation but on this occasion I have to say get a life. Your post is pathetic.

This.
Give her the widest berth.
No one needs such ridiculous drama in their life when they have a family.
If your friends aren't supportive and understanding, leave them to it.
Simply not worth it as you age.
You know her 5 years?? 🙄