Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

Take no notice of this nonsense. Some posters on mumsnet are batshit!

I’m shocked that there are people willing to give this idiot a second chance. How can anyone be such a doormat that they’ll be spoken to like that as a grown adult and then go back for more?! Absolutely pathetic, people over the age of 18 being precious about their birthdays.

I couldn’t walk on egg shells like this in a friendship. Especially aged 40 plus. Where do you find the headspace??

There’s only one response to a ridiculous text like hers…

👍🏻

She's absolutely unhinged no not send another message if she apologies consider it but you'd be setting yourself up for bs but grovelling! What a loon

Maybe this explains it? Her husband is away and she maybe spent her birthday by herself and was hurt you forgot.

Yep if it was me I'd block 🚫

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who told me to fuck off. It just isn't an acceptable way to speak to a friend.

I am also very forgetful, have frequently forgotten birthdays etc and double booked things. I think if someone is likely to be highly upset and sensitive to their friends forgetting and making mistakes then we're not compatible as friends. Doesn't make them a bad person, I understand that these things are annoying. But not everyone is compatible with everyone else.

That said, even if she did have a good reason for being upset (personally I think she is being precious), telling a friend to fuck off is totally unacceptable. There are more nature and less aggressive ways of dealing with things and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thinks it's ok to speak to people like this.

I also can't believe some people are saying to go easy on her because her husband is away. Can she not manage to be polite and mature when she's on her own for a while?

Yes it is. Being pregnant is really tough and can make you forgetful etc.. op has a lot on. If she doesn't normally forget the friend should cut her some slack. If it's so important to the friend why not remind people ie are you still coming out for my birthday. Why deliberately let people forget then make a fuss.

Which is exactly the same for every post on here. We only ever hear one side

Asked and answered upthread.

I chat believe there someone policing how the OP should have texted a grown adult over a birthday ffs.

Who has time to deal with pandering to self absorbed idiots like the ‘friend’ and put thought into how not to upset her so honestly walking on eggshells

Honestly no one has time to deal with that nonsense

I once saw a friend of mine across the street, I shouted her name and she turned round and shouted "go away (my name) and don't speak to me".

I never found out what I'd done to warrant this behaviour. I racked my brains and honestly couldn't think of anything. So I gave her her wish, I went away and I never spoke to her ever again.

Someone who will tell you to Fuck Off after you've apologised and have offered her concert tickets doesn't deserve your friendship.

Yes, I'd think this too. YANBU but I'd treat her kindly anyway if she is a good friend. Way out of order, but if she is not usually like this I'd be worried. Maybe she is feeling really low and depressed, not an excuse of course, but people can act very out of character if mental health issues, health issues, stress, grief etc etc. Maybe just felt forgotten/unimportant to you and triggered something in her. Maybe nobody remembered her birthday. Unlikely to be just about the birthday.
I'd leave it a few days (might be enough time for her to regret being arsey and to apologise ) and then send a message explaining you had a lot going on, and that you are sorry, and would love to go for a coffee and give your present.

YANBU he response is pathetic

Actually I think it’s perfectly human to forget things - we all do it - and the OP has a big mental load going on too. If it was a sibling/childhood friend whose birthday is engrained in your memory, you might feel a bit worse for forgetting; but even so, the birthday person is a right dick for responding like this.

Nasty, immature, 40 yr old brat! I would reply "gladly!"
Nobody needs this crap in their lives from people who are supposed to be their friend!

Block and move on as life is too short for this nonsense. I've attended several funerals recently & there's nothing like a funeral to remind us how precious & short life is. I recommend going to one just to give yourself a reality check.

She's being completely fucking batshit crazy. Like a 6 year old having a tantrum. And that's an insult to 6 year olds. Her bullshit traditions don't trump your time and life. You even texted her the next day. Not one of my friends would react like that, because they are not batshit and we're grown up enough for it not to matter. Dump!

Only on mumsnet would it be suggested the op was unreasonable for not dropping the present off after she was told to fuck off.

my friend has to have a birthday week as well!!! And gets pissed off when people don’t engage as much as she wants.

I'd be fucking off permanently!

If someone tells me to fuck off, I tend to do as they ask. I don't want someone like that in my life and clearly they don't want me in theirs so everyone's happy.

No I'm on the friend’s side after reading more.

Your friend always remembers in advance and on the day. You can’t do the same. ADD is not an excuse (I also have this, hate people using it as some bizarre excuse. You don’t forget your child’s birthdays I assume or husbands or other close family).

You couldn’t remember which is ok, we all sometimes get caught up - but you apologise and drop the present round for that apology. But you couldn’t be fucked.

Youre not a good friend.

She wasn’t. She was told to fuck off after she didn’t drop the present and preceded to text about another event that she didn’t forget this time, conveniently

I am very grateful that nobody in my life is like this woman. If I were you, I would be very happy to fuck off out of her life.