Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

I think whatever this MIL did would be wrong somehow

We always give the grandparents copies of professional photo's of the kids. I have no professional photos of me but my mil, sils, brother and own dm all have multiple pics of us as a family up in their house. I feel flattered that people care about us enough to do this.

So she printed them out and put them up before you. Yes, I can understand why you’re annoyed. They’re your photographs, not hers.

yes I would, if they're in the photo they've got every right to say no. but OP hasn't had any say in it, her DH has gone behind her back.

The only problem I see in this situation is that your DH should have challenged your answer about MIL having the same photos as you straight away. I don’t mean to do a big quarrel but he should have pointed out the ridiculousness of your approach. I don’t know until I visit tbh which photos my mum and MIL choose to put up. They might like the same as me or different but we have to send them something. Fair enough not to send the ones you are unhappy about but something should be sent.
You and DH should be able to discuss it properly but you saying no and him quietly doing it anyway was not right. He should have said to you that he wasn’t agree. However in your place I’ll stop and think why he didn’t say anything. Maybe it’s your fault a bit as you’ve looked too emotional for an adult conversation.
And Im talking from bitter experience as I could be like this.

For people like me who have sons, mumsnet can be a worrying place. So many awful daughters in law that seem to automatically hate their mothers in law.

I adore my mother in law and am immensely proud that she displays photos of us all.

I have seen a lot of posts like this, and for the life of me I don't understand? GP want pix of GC and their loving parents.

Given JUST how unreasonable @Ash1006 is on this matter, I wonder if your PILs failure to drop in when passing (a cardinal sin on MN in any case) or visit more frequently can be explained by other things you're also unreasonable about.

They're also OP 's husband's photos.

Given that the photos were taken in May and OP 's done nothing about getting them printed, she can't complain about MIL putting them up first. MIL won't have known it was a race

MIL wants to display a pic of the whole family instead of cutting People out and only visits when invited. Sounds quite amazing.

I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying

And if your MIL had been involved at the planning stage, you’d be moaning about that too.

If you think it’s weird that people have the same pictures as others, school photo time is going to blow your mind!

Yeah op doesn't exactly sound like a barrel of laughs

My ex-MIL used to crop me out of family pictures. Although in hindsight she saved herself a lot of effort post-breakup. I’ve come to respect her game in fairness.

But yes, you are being very unreasonable. She wants those lovely pictures to display and feel proud of you all. Nothing wrong with that and you’ll feel the same if you become a grandma one day.

Baby is still very young. Blame it on hormones, but definitely stop making drama out of this.

ETA: and really this is on your husband, not MIL. Don’t punish her for him going behind your back.

It sounds to me like you're looking for a fight with MiL.
Remember your DH is her son and your baby is your DH's child as well. It's entirely reasonable for him to give his mum a photo.

So I should have asked for permission for every photo I have displayed? I have a lovely one of all our extended family at my late husband's final birthday barbecue. It never occurred to me (nor should it, frankly) to check with every relative that they're happy for me to have it on my wall.

And if my husband had felt he needed to ask my permission before letting his mum have a photo that I'm in, I'd worry about why he felt the need to ask.

They're her family too and her son gave her the photos as he is entitled to do.

She only comes around when you invite her? The bitch!

That would piss me off, I think it's just an indication of how poor the relationship is but I reckon you'll have to let it go OP. I certainly don't think YABU but I don't see how you can resolve this without a big row, and I get the feeling more things might come up in the future that would be worth more of a big row from what you've said about them. Let this one go.

I genuinely fell sorry for DH and MIL

Every grandparent or even parent of adult children I know has photos of their child’s family in their house. Every. Single. One. It would be quite unusual if they didn’t want to have pictures of you guys.

Do you want to have a photoshoot specifically for her then so that both households can have their own ‘exclusive’ pictures? Remember you can’t display those in your house though as she would have the exclusive rights 😉

I know of a man who, even when no longer in a relationship with the mother of his child, showed people the birth video. Yes, you read right. THE. BIRTH. VIDEO!

That was completely unreasonable in my opinion.

This? Nah!

What? You think it’s unreasonable for new grandparents to display photos of their son and his family? How odd. I can’t see that you have any grounds at all for inferring that she's a "show" grandparent. Do you think the OP would welcome offers of help/babysitting from her MIL? Judging by the original post, I very much doubt it!

It's nice she wanted a picture of all of you . Some mil would try to exclude the daughter in law .
Maybe she is very proud of you all and wants to show that.
Also the not popping in when driving past is probably more to do with not invading your space when not invited.
I live close to most of my family but I don't pop in everytime I drive past or near them.

Haha, exactly. I'm sure OP would be on here complaining if MIL dropped in every time she passed the house.