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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel quite upset - just got told by a stranger to get out of his fucking way

244 replies

Acapulco12 · 06/07/2024 10:09

Was walking badk from the shops this morning and swerved to avoid a puddle on one side and another walker approaching me on th other side.

Whilst doing this, I was pretty much neck and neck with a guy who told me off for walking in front of him. I apologised and said I hadn’t meant to but wanted to avoid the puddle and the other guy. He then said, ‘avoid me!’ and then ‘get out of my fucking way’.

i know this is a tiny thing in the grand scheme of things but it upset me. I’ve never ever had this. It was like road rage, but between walkers.

I understand I shouldn’t have been in his way and walked in front of him and changed direction, but I explained why I did it and I didn’t deserve for him to speak to me so rudely. I said to him that he’d been very rude and he just strode off without saying anything.

Obviously he thinks he’s completely in the right, and maybe he’s also having a bad day, but it gives him no right at all to speak to me like that.

OP posts:
ItsLikeEggyBoffAllOverAgain · 06/07/2024 15:54

I was looking at jewellery in a shop window with my friend. Then moved slightly to the right to continue walking through the shopping centre and a woman was right behind me. I mean, I feel like technically she walked into me but she reacted very put out.

SaucySabotender · 06/07/2024 15:57

ciderhouserules · 06/07/2024 10:57

There was no need for his reaction, but you could have stopped and waited a few seconds for him to pass rather than swerve into his path. Did you not glance behind you to ensure the pavement was clear before swerving the puddle or was he walking along and you suddenly veered into the path he was taking?

There have been studies made that show that Women, on a course with a Man coming the other way, will almost always move to get out of his way. Almost never the man moving out of the way of a woman. Try it. Hmm
So yeah, look where you are going, but that applies to everyone, not just you, OP. He could have anticipated you moving to avoid the puddle, couldn't he, but he probably expected you to do something, anything, other than actually get in his way!

This is why I like to play a game called ‘Patriarchy Chicken’, whereby I refuse to be the one to move out of the oncoming man’s way. The look of shock on their faces when they realise, often at the last second, that they actually have to be the ones to move is priceless. However, if I see a man who looks like the thuggish violent type, it’s not worth it to play this game.

Other times, if there is only space for one person to get past, and the oncoming person is a man, I like to step to the side and put my arm out graciously, and make them grunt thanks and look slightly uncomfortable.

If it’s a woman I don’t need to play these kinds of games.

Yeah I’m a weirdo and get kicks from stuff like this 😆

CustardySergeant · 06/07/2024 15:57

ItsLikeEggyBoffAllOverAgain · 06/07/2024 15:54

I was looking at jewellery in a shop window with my friend. Then moved slightly to the right to continue walking through the shopping centre and a woman was right behind me. I mean, I feel like technically she walked into me but she reacted very put out.

So you stepped into her path and think she should have been able to predict that. OK. Sounds similar to the OP of this thread. Suddenly moving into the path of someone coming up behind.

Onlinetherapist · 06/07/2024 16:34

@Acapulco12 it doesn’t matter what you could have done differently in that split second, you do not deserve to be spoken to like that. Just another man being abusive to a woman. Decent men don’t behave like that, bad day or not. I’m guessing he wouldn’t have treated you like that had you had a burly male partner with you! Or if you were indeed male..

Thebgreen · 06/07/2024 16:35

ciderhouserules · 06/07/2024 10:57

There was no need for his reaction, but you could have stopped and waited a few seconds for him to pass rather than swerve into his path. Did you not glance behind you to ensure the pavement was clear before swerving the puddle or was he walking along and you suddenly veered into the path he was taking?

There have been studies made that show that Women, on a course with a Man coming the other way, will almost always move to get out of his way. Almost never the man moving out of the way of a woman. Try it. Hmm
So yeah, look where you are going, but that applies to everyone, not just you, OP. He could have anticipated you moving to avoid the puddle, couldn't he, but he probably expected you to do something, anything, other than actually get in his way!

I've actually noticed that my toddler is at risk of walking men rather than any other form of walking human. They just stride ahead and the amount of times I've had to swipe my toddler out of the way (while simply walking alongside me) because a man is just engrossed in his conversation, swinging his big legs, drives me absolutely mental. Height may play some part in it, but there is another element of being so full of their own space and engrossed in occupying their own place in the world that they just don't think to just look down the odd time. It very rarely happens with women, nearly always men, almost knocking my kids over.

Mostlycarbon · 06/07/2024 17:11

There seems to be a lot more people behaving like that now. And just a generally more aggressive vibe on the streets in our city.

littleredcaravan · 06/07/2024 17:19

You probably weren't thinking in the moment, and his reaction was completely unjustified, but it is so annoying when people get in your way and block your path. In hindsight you probably should have just waited until the path on the other side was clear

coldcallerbaiter · 06/07/2024 19:01

Honestly I have come across women who are this rude too. And men who are rude or aggressive to my dh.

Allfur · 06/07/2024 20:20

littleredcaravan · 06/07/2024 17:19

You probably weren't thinking in the moment, and his reaction was completely unjustified, but it is so annoying when people get in your way and block your path. In hindsight you probably should have just waited until the path on the other side was clear

Is it that annoying? Can't say I can get that worked up about it really, life's too short.

emmetgirl · 06/07/2024 20:25

I bet he wouldn't have said that if you'd been a 6ft bloke.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 06/07/2024 20:28

StripedTomatoes · 06/07/2024 10:15

Poor guy said the quiet part loud, I've been there but thankfully without the swearing. It's really annoying when someone gets in your way.

Poor guy? 🤣

Elsvieta · 06/07/2024 21:02

Did you ever see that piece by the woman who experimented with not getting out of the way of men? In New York I think. Can't remember her name. Men barged into her a LOT. A lot of men assume that it's always a woman's job to get out of their way, ease their path etc - literally as well as metaphorically.

ItsLikeEggyBoffAllOverAgain · 06/07/2024 22:02

@CustardySergeant, it's not the same, as the op said the man approached her "from the other side" and my lady approached me "from behind". Not entirely sure what she meant by "from the other side", but I presume the man was visible to her from what she said afterwards.

Ultimately, when people are in very close proximity to other people, they will occasionally bump into eachother. It's hardly the end of the world.

And for what it's worth, I am a person who goes out of their way to move out of people's path. Might start playing patriarchy chicken and normal chicken though and standing my ground more though, as I also expect my children to get out of the way of others every time and this is teaching them adults are always more important than them and that their needs are unimportant. Especially if their Mum is unassertive all the time too.

mrsdineen2 · 06/07/2024 23:06

Elsvieta · 06/07/2024 21:02

Did you ever see that piece by the woman who experimented with not getting out of the way of men? In New York I think. Can't remember her name. Men barged into her a LOT. A lot of men assume that it's always a woman's job to get out of their way, ease their path etc - literally as well as metaphorically.

That was an interesting revealing video, but I fail to see how it relates to the scenario where someone deliberately swerves unpredictably into the path of another.

If he'd done it to her, and OP gave him a piece of her mind, we'd all be applauding her.

Original poster
Acapulco12 · 06/07/2024 23:25

mrsdineen2 · 06/07/2024 23:06

That was an interesting revealing video, but I fail to see how it relates to the scenario where someone deliberately swerves unpredictably into the path of another.

If he'd done it to her, and OP gave him a piece of her mind, we'd all be applauding her.

Show quote history

We really wouldn’t @mrsdineen2 - not if the OP had given a piece of their mind by swearing and being aggressive. It’s not something to aspire to. It’s not an acceptable way to treat others.

OP posts:
fetchacloth · 07/07/2024 17:47

Honestly, forget it.
Don't make his problem yours, it's not worth it.

SunflowerSeahorse · 07/07/2024 18:03

I would have been a bit rattled if a bloke had been aggressive towards me for no reason. But later I'd tell myself that a) his life must be so miserable and b) thank God I don't have to live with him
xx

Endsofbells · 07/07/2024 18:07

Dentalflossie · 06/07/2024 10:20

He's a wanker.
He would not have said it to a big bloke.

I always think this.
I've accidentally got in the way as I'm a bit clumsy, apologised and been met with a tut or angry look and stare. If someone has apologised why be a total dick? I think it gives them power, the twats.

tommyhoundmum · 07/07/2024 18:14

They'll be saying you should have indicated next.

Supersares · 07/07/2024 18:44

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Something similar happened to me. A woman was quite rude and nasty and it shook me a bit. The fact it happened years ago and I still remember demonstrates this. I just put it down to her rudeness and attitude as I did nothing wrong. You’re fine. There’s just a few a*holes out there sadly!!

JohnSt1 · 07/07/2024 19:28

It's very upsetting when something like that happens.

AnnieSnap · 07/07/2024 20:18

StripedTomatoes · 06/07/2024 10:15

Poor guy said the quiet part loud, I've been there but thankfully without the swearing. It's really annoying when someone gets in your way.

Really? This is not normal. You either need to take up mindfulness and meditation, or move to a quiet place - or both.

AnnieSnap · 07/07/2024 20:31

Elsvieta · 06/07/2024 21:02

Did you ever see that piece by the woman who experimented with not getting out of the way of men? In New York I think. Can't remember her name. Men barged into her a LOT. A lot of men assume that it's always a woman's job to get out of their way, ease their path etc - literally as well as metaphorically.

Years ago I had a lovely Rottweiler girl. One of my pleasures was that when I was out with her, if a large group of men were walking toward me on a pavement/path, I could just keep going. Eventually, it would dawn on them that I was not going to divert my path. Their laughter and chat would stop, their faces would start to look concerned. As Layla and I approached, they would part like a holy sea. I found it very satisfying. After all, large groups of men don’t tend to give way for anyone female, or male.

AlpineMuesli · 07/07/2024 20:58

Sounds like someone who’d push a woman out the way while jogging on Putney Bridge.

Hellskitchen24 · 07/07/2024 21:05

Men like this are everywhere.

I had some bloke just stop in his car in lane behind my house, completely blocking the road. I assumed he was just running in for something so waited in my car behind him for him to move. Apparently I was “silly little bitch” and he mumbled something else.

Last week had an angry bald middle age man scream at me from the car behind to “fucking hurry up and move then” because I gave way to a bus. I think we weren’t moving for all of about 10 seconds.

I had a male cyclist pull out in front of me because he wasn’t looking, causing me to break hard to a stop. I was, apparently, a stupid cow and various other things.

I can absolutely guarantee that if I was a well built male, none of them would utter a word.