To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

[Eshmee]

So my little boy is 4. He's in foundation at school and is the youngest in his year. He struggles with regulating his emotions and sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words to explain what he wants or why he's upset. We have soent alot of time on this explaining how to vocalise what he wants but as I said, he's 4 and from all the parenting advice sites etc I gather that this is fairly normal behaviour for a child of his age.

Today when I collected him from school the teacher told me that whilst waiting in line for assembly he grabbed a teacher assistant by the arm quite hard as she was walking past and this was hard enough to leave a little red mark on her arm. His teacher told me that this teacher assistant is new and was quote shocked so instead of asking him what he needed she ignored him and carried om walking. My little boy was then removed from assembly a whllile later by a more senior teacher and was told off. She also asked him why he had done it but by this time he had forgotten. Whilst I understand that isnis never acceptable to grab, he tells me that he didn't know her name and that he wanted to walk with her to assembly.
When his class teacher was relaying all of this to me she made it sound like a had a violet thug for a son. AIBU to think she's made a big deal out of something small or do I need to crack down much harder on him?
Advice needed for a worried mum :(

😂😂😂. Assault? from a tiny 4 year old hand grabbing her arm? Jesus, most normal people would not have even given it a second thought! Wring job I think 😂😂

I have a 7 year old boy. He’s never hit a peer at school. Ever. And in his class of 16 boys 2 lash out violently in reception. Both have SEN.

it’s really not typical for this sort of behaviour.

When someone offers a judgement on the child's behaviour, it doesn't mean they/their children are perfect.

As for "well my kid turned out all right", that is entirely beside the point. This is about one child right now. And by the way, your child needed some very special interventions, just like the one in the OP.

Actually that’s just what you need to do! All behaviour is communication.
If a child hits you can take their hand firmly but gently and tell them that you are not going to let them do it. Then, once their bodies are calm, you can try and figure out what was going on for them. Was it a need? A sensory need? A feeling? How can they express it in a better way next time? They need help to develop the skills to manage all these needs and feelings.
Though, to be fair, this approach is hard work. It’s much easier just to shout and punish a child but it doesn’t teach them new skills

😂😂😂

Have you ever met any children?!!

Good god.

Regarding the PlayStation I think four is way too young, sorry. Even kid friendly games, Way too immersive and intense for their brains. And do you mean Marvel Spiderman? That’s a teen rating…

just a quick google: Marvel's Spider-Man 2 is rated T for Teen, with Content Descriptors for Blood, Drug Reference, Mild Language, and Violence. There is also an Interactive Element assigned for In-Game Purchases.

I think that after nearly a whole year of school, he should not be grabbing it hitting. Regardless of whether he is the youngest in the year.

I vowed I wasn't going to respond to you again but you really are a piece of work!

The evil me kinda hopes they do... or worse still her angels are the perpetrators!!!

DD goes to a faith school, they come down hard and fast on any behaviour of this nature. Children can still hurt, even when they’re young. The school wants to nip unwanted behaviour in the bud.

You don’t put your hands on someone to get their attention. Do you? No. End of.

Jesus christ, what a reach!!!!

My son had issues with hitting and agression when he was younger. It started as small incidents and escalated very quickly. He had very poor impulse control. We had to give harsh consequences to every single incident no matter what circumstance whether he was the initial aggressor or retaliating. Its very hard to have people question your parenting or to hear your child being described as aggressive especially when they are still so small. The zero tolerance approach worked for us and my son though still a hothead knows he can't put his hands on people just because he's upset and he's learned to walk away. Best of luck its a tricky subject to navigate ❤️

Physically assaulted!!

It is unusual for a child to be confident enough to grab an adult he doesn't really know hard enough to leave a mark, because they want to be with them.

I have worked in nursery and reception for more than a decade in total (some time younger/older in between) and I think the teacher has handled it well. Nobody is saying he's a thug, but it is something you need to be aware of.

Hi, I do agree with you that this behaviour is not okay and that “boys will be boys” narratives can be unhelpful. I think it’s really important that children grow up to know that they can express things in healthier ways and to consider how others are impacted by their behaviour. And that it’s okay for them to be upset and cry when they’ve been hurt!
At the same time, I think what OP needs is guidance and support, as her child hasn’t learnt (yet) that there are better ways to get a TA’s attention.
I think there have been some great ideas on this thread about how to do this (eg. Using play to act out the scenario; problem solving different things he could do, etc etc.) so hopefully she can find those comments in between the ones telling her what I think she already knows!

4 year olds shouldn’t be on PlayStations.

Who gives a shit that he can read and write when he hits and kicks other kids and grabs at people enough to hurt them?

I don’t think 4 year olds should be in school (nor does most of Europe).

I wouldn’t really bat an eyelid if a 4 year old child grabbed and pulled my arm. I do wonder if it was a bit more than that since it left a mark. I’d be surprised a small child could do so from simply trying to get their attention and pulling the arm.

Nevertheless, it’s not developmentally typical for 4 year olds to hit because they ‘can’t use their words’. Yes, a 2 year old, perhaps even at 3. That’s not to say that your child is doing so out of any kind of malice (only 4 after all!). Perhaps he needs some extra support or a look into any possible neural developmental causes.

He shouldn't have been removed from assembly. The matter should have been dealt with immediately it happened!

This thread has made me feel so sad for you but also made me chuckle. I have taught in schools in very affluent areas where, rightly or wrongly, people imagine that behaviour will be “good” and also really deprived areas where they’d perhaps imagine it to be terrible!

In fact, children are just children and Year R always contains a full mix of every type of character, and need, fully representative of society. I have never met a full class of robotic children as described by many of these PPs! I think lots of people imagine their children to be quite different at school to the way they present in reality. In fact, teachers across the country are at their wit’s end trying to manage a growing number of children (without SEND) who arrive at school unable to hold cutlery, speak or use the loo.

Parents often don’t realise but the “quiet” and “compliant” children may be under assessment/observation for concerns about their own development. Perhaps they make their parents and teachers look good because they are ultra compliant but underneath they are hugely disregulated?

You boy will not be the first or the last to do this and I’m sure you’ll help him to get through it. Maybe he does have SEND, but maybe not. 4 is very young. Best of luck.

Well I'm sorry too, but I have had 3 4 year olds and while it wasn't typical of their behaviour, it did happen with their peers!

One size doesn't fit all!!

It wasn't aggression!!! Are you mad?!

Bullshite. I knew there would be some see you next tuesday come along to criticise my gorgeous, loving, amazing, intelligent boy! My child is absolutely fine and the light of my life along with his siblings.

Just go and do one! The word 'off' applies with an appropriate choice of verb!

Luckily I don't give a shit about your stupid opinion.

I was just trying to give context to the OP, who has been berated shamefully.

A 4 year old on a play station? And you wonder why he has issues with regulating his emotions and with violent behaviour? Really OP? Can you really not see the connection?

My daughter at 4 was hit by another 4 year old when she just started school - it made her scared of going to school because she had no idea why she was hit and was worried it would happen again. I had to resettle her in.

I get your son is 4 and it’s hard for him to remember - but I think you are so used to him hitting you are underestimating the impact on others. I suspect if he is hitting other kids there are a few parents whose four year olds have been hit who have had a quiet word of concern.