To think that my sons teacher is making a big deal out of something quite small

[Eshmee]

So my little boy is 4. He's in foundation at school and is the youngest in his year. He struggles with regulating his emotions and sometimes when angry or upset will hit rather than use his words to explain what he wants or why he's upset. We have soent alot of time on this explaining how to vocalise what he wants but as I said, he's 4 and from all the parenting advice sites etc I gather that this is fairly normal behaviour for a child of his age.

Today when I collected him from school the teacher told me that whilst waiting in line for assembly he grabbed a teacher assistant by the arm quite hard as she was walking past and this was hard enough to leave a little red mark on her arm. His teacher told me that this teacher assistant is new and was quote shocked so instead of asking him what he needed she ignored him and carried om walking. My little boy was then removed from assembly a whllile later by a more senior teacher and was told off. She also asked him why he had done it but by this time he had forgotten. Whilst I understand that isnis never acceptable to grab, he tells me that he didn't know her name and that he wanted to walk with her to assembly.
When his class teacher was relaying all of this to me she made it sound like a had a violet thug for a son. AIBU to think she's made a big deal out of something small or do I need to crack down much harder on him?
Advice needed for a worried mum :(

No one upset him. He forgot her name, saw her as she walked oast, decided he wanted to walk with her and grabbed her arm. Obviously too hard. There's no correlation between that, someone having upset him and the fact he plays a PlayStation 2 or 3 times a week.

Ah OP. I do remember when my DD (first baby) started foundation. She started in 2020 so they spent most of the year in lockdown, and the nursery had also been in lockdown for some weeks before starting.

I remember her teacher (who was lovely tbf) sent me a message to say that DD had had to sit on the bench alone during break because she had blown a raspberry at a child who had snatched a toy off of her quite harshly.

The way she worded it, was like "I'm sure you understand how serious this is". Well, like, yes but why should barely 5 year old DD who has barely been able to leave the house be treated like she would be fully aware that this was some kind of capital crime? I was not impressed tbh.

Sometimes when you are around kids all day and constantly having to remind them of the basics, I think a bit of perspective is lost!

There is nothing wrong with a 4yo playing PlayStation or watching Tv etc.

As long as you have a limit to screen time and he’s not in front of it all day, then it’s absolutely fine.

Is it he forgot the name or he didn't know her name? Massive difference. One would make 'grabbing gently I must point out, ok-sh' and the other definitely not ok.

We have also had, TA's first day/new.

He's not 'only 4'; he'll be 5 within the next 6 weeks or so.

And he's had an entire Reception year to learn and understand that grabbing people is wrong, especially hard enough to leave a mark on a grown up.

@Eshmee what about the whacking and kicking?

Your posts are so contradictory 🤔

I think if you don't see whacking or kicking as an issue with behaviour, then I'm afraid there lies the problem

What? Why does it matter if it's okay or not? A 4 year old is sometimes going to do things that are no okay. Blimey.

Why is there a massive difference between he forgot her name and didn't know it? Just curious

agreed.

also see first post and 4 posts reply in- tone changed when she realised what pp thought of her ds behaviour. I did feel sorry for op, as only a mum could do that to protect their child.

They are boys. There is always going to be the odd whack or kick in the playground. They are in lrimary school Jesus christ. He doesn't do it any more often than any of the other kids in his year.

really? you have to ask?

was ds seeing ta for first time or not?

It sounds like he may have been a bit heavy handed, but no I wouldn't call that physical violence. He's 4 and still learning boundaries and how to regulate his emotions.

So what are you actually looking for by posting on here?

Your son did something unacceptable and the teacher told you that he had done it.

You imposed consequences at home, which indicates that you also think the behaviour was unacceptable.

You seem quite sure that this was a one-off and your son has no difficulties or issues.

Were you hoping that everyone would tell you it's OK that he grabbed and hurt a member of staff, and that the teacher should have given him/you a round of applause instead?

What did I do to protect my child :-/

"They are boys. There is always going to be the odd whack or kick in the playground. They are in lrimary school Jesus christ. He doesn't do it any more often than any of the other kids in his year."

Ah ha. Enough said.

No. She is a TA in his school but from a different class so not someone he has regular contact with. I'm just curious as to how whether he didn't know it because there are so many of them at the school and it's not his class TA or that he did know it but forgot is relevant?

What did I do to protect my child :-/

@Eshmee 1 eg of many. as I said, I understand.

Sorry but you're really starting to piss me off now. Boys play fight. Always have. Always will. If that makes me a bad parent in your eyes then so be it. I hope your little snow flakes never get a kick in the playground FFS.

you clearly won't get it. do carry on.

This. Seems like you just want to teacher bash then?

That's not protecting my child, that's fact. Kids play fight, especially boys. He does so no more than anyone else.

No, I simply asked if the teacher was over reacting or if I needed to come down harder on it. Simple as that. I've not 'teacher bashed' at all.

No, do explain. I dont see how whether he didn't know her name or simply forget has any relevance whatsoever. She was not a stranger. She is some that he knows at school. But there are 12 classes in the school and each has 2 TAs. That's 24 TAs and he's 4. Surely not expected to remember the name of every single one?