DHs reaction to sharing job is bothering me

[Alllthatsmine]

DH is a teacher at a private secondary school, he's worked there for 10 years, loves the school and is great at his job. He works 4 days a week as he is trying to write his own book.
Recently his department head retired, the competition for new department head has been tough both internally and externally but he's put his all in.
Recently it was announced he would be the joint head of department, his co-head would be a relatively young teacher from another school, this will be just her 6th year of teaching.
They explained the reasons are that they both work over 4 days (though DH did make it clear if he was given department head he would be willing to go up to 5 if successful) and that they felt their skill sets were complimentary. DH asked more on what they meant, and the effectively said he has the experience and leadership skills but she has the fresh ideas, innovation and drive.
Now DHs reaction has been immature and really bothered me. He effectively saying he doesn't want to do it if he has to share, he thinks it will lead to fall out and he doesn't want to be forced into untested new ideas. He's also made several comments that have bothered me after they met up this week for the first time.

1. He told me that she is newly married and he asked if kids were on the cards soon (I've told him how wrong it is to ask this), she replied with in the next couple of years yes. So now he is complaining that it is a joint role but he will end up doing it alone while she's on maternity leave (confused as I thought that would make him happy!)
2. They discussed pay (again fear DH may have been the one to bring this up!), turns out they are getting the exact same pay and benefits. He thinks this is an insult to his experience. I said I think it's fair as they will be doing the same job and should be paid the same amount accordingly
3. He has made several comments of "have to comprise with a woman at home and now at work too"

AIBU to be really bothered by this reaction and to think it's disgusting. It's actually making me question everything!! Or is it fair to be annoyed?

I wouldn't blame him for being disappointed about sharing the role with someone new to the school and relatively inexperienced, or for being annoyed that they are being paid the same despite his greater experience. The comments he has made make him sound like an sexist dickhead though.

What's the book he's writing?

As he is effectively a part timer, does he see himself as an author who teaches on the side, and thus have an attitude? Might explain the arrogance .....

I am in a completely different role and also self-employed, but am often the more experienced and technically skilled when I work with other people in the same role. Which ends up with muggins doing the majority of the heavy lifting, with no recognition and expected to work for the same as fee fellow freelancers.

So I am semi-sympathetic to the husband's gripes regarding Point #2. Often the more experienced person DOES end up doing a larger share of the work, and I don't feel it's unreasonable to expect some recompense for that. But perhaps it won't be the case in this instance.

Point #3 I would probably rethink the marriage. 🙄

I agree with your DH. I think they have a bit of a cheek expecting him to jobshare with this relatively young and inexperienced person. Why should he support this, Just no.

Relative to what, though? At 6yrs in this woman is more than capable of leading a department without this man. Perhaps she will if he turns it down as a job share.

Why would school pay double salary?

How deeply unattractive, I wouldn't be impressed if my husband behaved that way either. Ultimately, if he's not willing to "compromise with women", in education, where there's an awful lot of them, he's not going to be a very good leader, is he? He needs to be quite careful, it does sound like his school likes the new teacher a lot, and he's there to mop up any difficulties due to inexperience. He doesn't want to come across as difficult, as as she's gaining experience, he's becoming less useful. He hasn't really got much choice but to be enthusiastically cooperative.

He isnt allowed to question her on pay and certainly not about having kids

He is walking a very tight rope

I agree. I don’t like some of his comments but his concerns are valid.

2 heads of dept is a not a good idea they should have just chosen one or the other.

The situation is by the by. The 3rd point is so disgusting I’d be out.

That's utter crap! A job is advertised at a certain figure, then that is what the successful candidate gets paid. Experience is irrelevant to the remuneration!

Suspect he's just hidden the misogyny well from you, came too easily to him to make these comments.

Sounds like an utter twat and I have no doubt his coworkers have his number.

Nonsense! The interviewing panel rated them equally as candidates. Neither has leadership experience. How many years either has been teaching is totally irrelevant. Just as it would make no difference if one had a 1st and the other a 2ii.

The idea of jobsharing a HoD role is batshit! Why would they pay two people to do the role when one could quite easily do it?!

That's very often far from the case. Sometimes the more experienced one uses the less experienced one to do stuff they can't be arsed to, but should!

How long has he been working on the book? Thought so.

He’s just another part-timer; school prob split the job cos they didn’t think he’d do it.

Like the book he hasn’t written.

This is what Germaine Greer meant when she said, " women have no idea how much men hate women. "

She's not talking about the obvious horrific violence or intimidating cat calling that goes on. She's talking about how they see us as inferior, all women compared to men, they hate having to accommodate us, share with us, give us faux respect and yet use us all at the same time.

You hear women say, " not my man " because he has this veneer of someone decent but the contempt IS always there under the surface ready to peek out when situations such as this happen to them.

Most male primary school teachers acknowledge that being a man in that area of work is a great boost to their careers.

There's two issues here:

1. I've never heard of joint HOD, and I can't see how it would work. Second in dept would be more normal. If I'd applied for HOD and got offered joint, I would say thank you but no thank you - it's a totally different job from the one he applied for.

2. separately, his general behaviour/attitude is fairly..... ick. But this is a really tough time of year for teachers, we're all on our knees, and we don't always present the best versions of ourselves!

Are you talking about a school or life in general?

As I said, I don't work in a school setting although a parent was a teacher (never went for promotion), so I'm thinking more in general terms.

What you describe isn't any better though. I can understand WHY the husband is upset at this turn of events but his rationale (particularly points 1 and 3) would really make me see him in a new - very unfavourable - light.

Ps I've just read your update that they'll have "a class or two each" - wtf?? I'm HOD of a core subject in a 6 form entry secondary with sixth form, and I only get 2 hours per week reduction from a full-time teaching timetable!

Are there pay scales based on years working in teaching at private schools
or
are they based on job description only

She is five years in. I know deputy heads with less experience. She must have interviewed well, met the criteria and impressed the interview panel . If he had been the better candidate he would have been offered the job.

Could you not welcome him to 2024 and tell him to get out of his cave. I'd be livid if he expressed views like that, compromising to women at home and at work indeed. Well lets see how compromising he can be when he wants his dinner made, house cleaned, laundry done sex, etc etc.

I would agree with him about the pay if he is the more experienced teacher.

It sounds to me like they are using him for her to gain from his skills and experience, ultimately it could be detrimental to his career!
If he does take he job on then I would expect their roles to be very clearly defined, I've seen this thing happen in schools and I know who is usually the loser.

Aren’t they the same thing?