DHs reaction to sharing job is bothering me

[Alllthatsmine]

DH is a teacher at a private secondary school, he's worked there for 10 years, loves the school and is great at his job. He works 4 days a week as he is trying to write his own book.
Recently his department head retired, the competition for new department head has been tough both internally and externally but he's put his all in.
Recently it was announced he would be the joint head of department, his co-head would be a relatively young teacher from another school, this will be just her 6th year of teaching.
They explained the reasons are that they both work over 4 days (though DH did make it clear if he was given department head he would be willing to go up to 5 if successful) and that they felt their skill sets were complimentary. DH asked more on what they meant, and the effectively said he has the experience and leadership skills but she has the fresh ideas, innovation and drive.
Now DHs reaction has been immature and really bothered me. He effectively saying he doesn't want to do it if he has to share, he thinks it will lead to fall out and he doesn't want to be forced into untested new ideas. He's also made several comments that have bothered me after they met up this week for the first time.

1. He told me that she is newly married and he asked if kids were on the cards soon (I've told him how wrong it is to ask this), she replied with in the next couple of years yes. So now he is complaining that it is a joint role but he will end up doing it alone while she's on maternity leave (confused as I thought that would make him happy!)
2. They discussed pay (again fear DH may have been the one to bring this up!), turns out they are getting the exact same pay and benefits. He thinks this is an insult to his experience. I said I think it's fair as they will be doing the same job and should be paid the same amount accordingly
3. He has made several comments of "have to comprise with a woman at home and now at work too"

AIBU to be really bothered by this reaction and to think it's disgusting. It's actually making me question everything!! Or is it fair to be annoyed?

He feels it makes him look less when he’s job sharing and doing the same as a much younger woman. It’s caused him to reveal his sexist thoughts. Please tell me you’re not a stay at home mum. Pandering to this arswhole. Tell him to reject it. He can stay in his current role.

She's only got 4 fewer years of experience in a teaching role at this particular school - but an exactly equal amount of experience as him in being the HoD. None whatsoever.

If he's throwing his toys out the pram over this, odds are that he'll not be capable of a HoD role, as he's incapable of accepting that some people are able to progress faster and higher than he is. That doesn't bode well for his future there even before things like a part time contract for 'writing a book' - any danger of that happening anytime soon, in all reality?

He sounds awful. I'm a HOD in a private secondary and 6 years into career is fine to become a HOD - it was 5 for me, I've now been in the job a good while and the department is really successful. I took over from someone who had been in the job forever and changed nothing so it was what they wanted.

However, HOD jobshares just don't work so it sounds like it's a cop out from the head - basically they wanted the external person but didn't want to upset an existing member of staff. Presumably he would have made her life really difficult if he didn't get it, this is a very common thing with external promotions to HOD over internal candidates. None of this is really relevant to you but it's just context or say he's sort of right, but if they wanted him he would have just been promoted, so time to accept it or move school.

The comments about being told what to do by a woman are appalling, if my DH said anything like that I would be really upset and angry.

Forget job sharing, should this person be teaching?!?

He's clearly bitter and jealous that he feels his employer has overlooked his loyalty and experience, and brought in this new person.
The fact he's twisting it into a load of sexist claptrap is not remotely helpful. But do you think he'd struggle just as much if the colleague was male? Does he have sexist views in other areas?
From what you've said I'm not surprised you think he's acting an arsehole. But anger and jealousy can do that to people.
He should leave if he's not happy. But quitting the job share role before it's even started would be very foolish. I'd hope it could end happily with them collaborating and working well together, and even becoming friends. If not he'll be making his own life monumentally worse.

What an arrogant misogynist.

I feel sorry for her and you.

If he carries on this way he will end up on a disciplinary

I also wonder if he’s capable and they know it, hence the job share.

the poor woman though, imagine having to deal with this arsehole, asking her if she’s married and wants babies. Like that’s all that woman are good for and they fuck off out of it when they get a ring on their finger and can conceive

utter nightmare.

God, people with attitudes like this are the fucking problem. Do you really not read this back and feel ashamed of this sexist shit you’ve spat out

I'd divorce him then write a letter to HR or whatever teachers have outlining his comments

None of anyone's business. Plus she might not even have a baby.

He’s being massively arseholish. Yes it can work. But. Only if he’s willing and mature enough to make it work. To be honest I’d be tempted to tell him they actually sound like they wanted the other teacher for the job but were apprehensive about her lack of experience. But it does sound like she was the favoured candidate and maybe that’s what’s biting him. It’s hugely unacceptable and unattractive behaviour on his part. I’d probably tell him that too. He’s being a precious baby. Does he think he’s the best! She can’t come near to him. Well I think the panel disagree.

The question/ comments about children and 'compromising with women' are awful, but he does have a point in one or two things he said.

They want him for his leadership skills and experience - that is literally what is needed for a head of department role. If she is only bringing ideas and not actual solid leadership skills, then she should probably be a deputy, not a head.

It seems like a mistake to appoint them both into the role as a job share when one clearly has more skills and experience to do the job than the other.

I do get what he means when he says that it is unfair she's paid at the same rate as him, because she probably won't actually be doing the same job to the same level. It sounds like they see promise in her and wanted to promote her, but she wasn't quite ready, and so they're calling it a 'job share' but actually he'll end up mentoring her.

So to some extent I can see why he's annoyed, but I also think some of his comments were chauvinistic and disgusting.

I can’t beleive you asked that, assume you’re a bloke. She’s not even married, might never have kids. Who the hell says I won’t share with a woman in case she’s babies on the future. Shame on you.

I think the jobshare is a really stupid idea. They should have appointed her.

That would have wound him up, I daresay!

Seriiously? You think a job is just about leadership. That the skills she has are some how lesser? Good grief.

this will be just her 6th year of teaching. what do you mean "just". 6 years is a fair bit of experience

I would hate to share a role like that and probably would refuse if I had to share.

The rest is vile.

I didn't say that.

I said that leadership experience and skills are essential to a head of department role.

So in terms of the role they have both gone for, yes, having ideas is great, but you need solid experience in leadership.

You married an misogynist - has this really never shown up before? Its rare for it to come out of nowhere.

Its one thing to be disappointed, its quite another to make unfounded personal attacks on a woman's credibility solely on the basis that she is female.

So he’ll also think the girls he teaches are shit space wasting baby machines, while the boys are amazing and what the world needs. Great, another twat being able to influence kids.

I have grown to think men don't care much for women but most disguise it until something forces their misogyny out into
the open

@Weetabbix

Let's be realistic, DH pressed them for an answer on why share and not just him. They didn't say she had no leadership skills, they were diplomatic and noted differences to try and pacify him.
If she had no leadership skills they wouldn't have selected her, even for a job share.

"I said I think it's fair as they will be doing the same job and should be paid the same amount accordingly"

No, I don't agree here. Experienced people bring their experience to the job and should be compensated accordingly. If he were in the public sector, he'd get pay increments.

Well he clearly doesn’t have it either, he’s a teacher only.im fairly sure the recruiters know more than you.

Well said op.

really appalled at the posters aligning with your husband and putting this woman down,