Invited to a sparrow's lunch

[FluentRubyDog]

Having recently had a baby, I made friends with a neighbouring mom. We went together to vote today and she invited me over for lunch. We'll... lesson learned.

The lunch consisted of a kraft cheese slice between 2 slices of bread, crustless and cut in two between us, 5 grapes each, a custard cream and a cup of tea that just about reached middle of a cup to a generous eye.

She's categorically NOT struggling with money. Fridge was in the full view and well stocked. Looking at her you'd never guess she's sparrow minded when it comes to food. We both EBF.

Why then invite me to lunch? I don't even know how to reciprocate without either causing offence or spending 2 hours chatting, starving and trying to breastfeed? Was she trying to get a point across???

Similarly said of Cavan people in Ireland -- the myth is that they are famously mean, and eat their dinners out of drawers so that they can slam the drawers shut if unexpected visitors arrive at mealtimes, so they don't have to share.

@AgnesX & @WhereDoWeGoFromHereHmmm in 20 years I've never had that said to me in Edinburgh.
@FluentRubyDog nowt as queer as folk. If you like this woman invite her to yours and treat her as you would any other guest.
She may not be the chef in her house 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s funny! I’ve lived in Edinburgh for over 10 years and I’ve heard about that phrase but never experienced it personally.

I would invite her to yours, and serve up a normal lunch without comment. And next time she invites you to hers, eat first!

But I think that's the point, it's a joke. All the Cavan people I know are very generous. None of them eat their dinners out of open drawers to guard against unexpected visitors.

@FluentRubyDog Was she trying to get a point across???

What kind of point do you think she would want to get across? And why would you think it? Genuine question.

I think your post and lots of the comments seem really mean and judgey.

Perhaps she’s not much of a host - or you’ve both got small babies and she’s not really in the zone for thinking about catering a random mum friend on zero sleep etc.

i think the fact she’s laid back and didn’t put loads of effort into some big over the top lunch was a sign she feels comfortable around you. Maybe she had nothing in and thought the focus was really on company and good conversation. Perhaps the food in the fridge was their meals for the week.

Why should she be expected to lay on a big spread for you? it would be weirder and more entitled for you to expect her to cook for you.

People do have different eating habits and level of comfort with hosting. Your comments and those about her weight and appearance seem really unkind to me.

I don’t think I’d be inviting you back if you’d spoken about me in this way. You don’t sound like much of a friend,

I once worked on an advert for Kraft cheese slices 20+ years ago) and the ‘stunt slices’ we filmed were indeed plastic 😬

Nobody is expecting a big spread. But what was served is not lunch.

This woman thought it was - perhaps that’s what she eats / thinks is normal so saw nothing wrong with sharing that? Perhaps she’s not much of a host or cook?

Did you all miss the part where OP said their babies are only a few weeks old and breast fed? It sounds like it was an off the cuff invite after having voted together, not some pre organised ‘event’.

I would hate to be friends with someone as judgey as this who compared what I eat with how I look and what my stomach looked like. Really mean.

I have lost count of the times I have needed to eat again after lunch or dinner at someone's house. Likewise being made a cup of tea or coffee that was rank. It would never enter my head to complain about it, either to them or to the internet. It's just not good form.

If you’d had breakfast then what your friend offered as lunch that you didn’t think was enough, then you were only there 2 hrs - isn’t that just like having breakfast, a snack then a late lunch (you could have just had your regular lunch when home ?) unless you have a health issue you should be able to manage having a snack then a later lunch ?!

When my dc were little and I was EBF I always had some snacks in the changing bag maybe you could do this just in case it happens again ?

😂😂😂

I read the title thinking that it was rhyming slang for brunch!

I can't even manage a single grape so I think 5 is too much!

It’s odd though because people with eating disorders tend not to like catering for people because they don’t want their food neuroses on display.

I do 16 hour fast 5 days a week so I can eat /drink what I fancy at the weekend .
I don't eat lunch in the week so eat like a bird ,if in a situation where I need to eat lunch on one of my fast days because of work /social reasons ..

Disappointed for both of us OP. I assumed this was going to be a lovely story about you sharing some crusts from your lunch with an actual sparrow in your garden and then it bringing you a worm or something 😂

I had something similar with a woman who had been in parties at my house. First time at her house I was served a toddler size bowl of pasta with 1 tablespoon of tomato sauce on top and a small glass of water. Mind you neither of us were breastfeeding, our kids were older teens.

Any how, I didn’t know what standards she had at home or if she was struggling or tight, so instead of going to hers again, I just suggested going for a coffee from then on, each of us paid what we ordered rather than splitting up, and that was it.

What’s all this about cutting custard creams in half. I can eat a whole packet in one sitting. Hungry Horace here.🤣🤣

Very odd. Some people are like this - they don’t eat much so assume others don’t.

I used to go to my ex’s parents each week and she would serve a feast for all the men . But for me , her and her other son’s partner we would have the tiniest meal - a small , plain chicken breast , 3 new potatoes , a spoonful of peas and one yorkie . I was always starving after !

She thought she had more food in the house than she did is my guess.

This lunch reminds me of someone on MN eons ago who described the time she and her family went to visit a relative (an aunt iirc) at Christmas who said "Lets open the Pringles" - the tube was offered to each person to have one and then it was returned to the cupboard! One Pringle each.........
The memory still amuses me!

When my daughter had an eating disorder she became almost obsessed by baking. Making cakes, reading recipes etc, but not actually eating the result herself.
It's quite a common feature of anorexia apparently. A sort of food obsession but constant denial.

Some people are just like this. My mate would serve up dinner rolls cut in half. She never even are her full half of teeny tiny roll. She would then tell me she couldn't stop loosing weight. She was under the hospital for her weight. I presume she had a ED. I felt so uncomfortable eating with her, she'd have a side bowl of veg as a main meal on a night out. I just stopped eating with her in the end as I felt like a glutonous pig eating a whole sandwich around her.

I presume it's some kind of ED for some but in my case I felt like I was part of the problem in the end. I had to play along with the 'it's such a mystery your under seven stone isn't it?' Or upset her more because if I didn't she would insist she never stopped eating while taking two bites of a 5g roll