Invited to a sparrow's lunch

[FluentRubyDog]

Having recently had a baby, I made friends with a neighbouring mom. We went together to vote today and she invited me over for lunch. We'll... lesson learned.

The lunch consisted of a kraft cheese slice between 2 slices of bread, crustless and cut in two between us, 5 grapes each, a custard cream and a cup of tea that just about reached middle of a cup to a generous eye.

She's categorically NOT struggling with money. Fridge was in the full view and well stocked. Looking at her you'd never guess she's sparrow minded when it comes to food. We both EBF.

Why then invite me to lunch? I don't even know how to reciprocate without either causing offence or spending 2 hours chatting, starving and trying to breastfeed? Was she trying to get a point across???

Well, if she's a real cow, perhaps something like "You are fat and need to shift the baby weight, OP".

DH had probably snuck round to McDonald's or Wetherspoons for sustenance.

Most of the cheese one sees on sale in US supermarkets reminds me of large cheese slices.

You clearly don't know how to be a good host.

Because I’ve suggested the OP feed her guest enough food by her own standards and the kind of nice food she would usually eat for lunch? Right.

@RampantIvy how can you tell what kind of host @Rondel is?

They are just describing what it is to be a good guest and offering suggestions as to what might be in there other person's mind.

@Rondel beautifully put.

This is the amount my SIL would eat. It's why she's stick thin. At xmas lunch a couple of years ago, we ate at 3pm and it was one tiny roast and a fancy salad of toasted kale and grapes (or some other fruit) for 10 people. I had to beg to make a sandwich for DC at 1pm as they were starving. They had cheesecake for dessert - made to be massive as it looked impressive and 'showy', and we got a slice about 1cm wide.

No point making a big deal. Lesson learned. We stopped on the way home (1.5 hr drive) for food & I decided to not go again. If we are forced to go there I will take snacks & give them to the DC in the car before we arrive.

So on your plate you had half a sandwich, grapes and a biscuit?

how was this lunch served up - made in the kitchen and then brought out to you at the table? Did she ask you if you were hungry? I can’t picture how you would serve a lunch like that to a guest.

Why do people persist in stating that they eat like a bird?

Birds... well the little uns eat around 35% of their body weight a day, and spend most of their day looking for food, eating 8+ times a day.

Bigger birds, say crows, ravens etc, eat a lower percentage but wallop down huge chunks of whatever they can get and again are either resting after a big meal or are constantly looking for food.

I don't believe either category is what people actually bloody mean here is it?

The food sounded like an after thought. Personally id just do a normal spread when she’s invited to yours. Don’t think deeply about it.

To be quite honest, I've been wondering if this was more the issue than the food itself

If I have a guest I normally put food out on plates and in bowls for my guest to help themselves but, perhaps, the friend wanted to save on washing up so just served the food on the plate it was to be eaten off?

I think attitudes towards hosting other people vary so much . . . I like to offer people a choice so would have served several different things but I know a couple of people who will just present a guest with something on a plate and that's it!

Shhhh don't tell everyone!!! 🤣 They're already hard enough to get

Oooh . . . you need to sneak round to KnitnNatter Towers . . . I've got some tucked away at the back of a cupboard, out of sight!

I thought they were going to be like ordinary custard creams but, no! The actual biscuit is even nicer than an ordinary custard cream, if that's possible. They remind me of some giant custard cream biscuits I bought in the bakery section in Booth's when I was on holiday in the Lake District a couple of years ago . . . absolutely amazing!

Is crochet ok instead of knitting???

I love them dipped in hot tea 😋. I had one last night actually. They're just so bloody good.

It's hard to know why this lady served a small lunch but I hope she doesn't see this thread 😔

Of course . . . crocheters (is that a proper word?) are always welcome!

You DIPPED a chocolate-covered biscuit in tea? Now I am shocked!🤔

Only hob-nobs and rich tea get dunked here 😂

Hope this doesn't derail the thread . . . I can hear all the dunkers tapping their keyboards in protest already . . . . . .

But, seriously, yes I hope the hostess doesn't read this thread.

I think I’d feel sorry for her. And invite her around to a healthy normal meal!

The thing I found most strange was the half cup of tea. I don't think I've ever been served less than a full cup or mug. I can't imagine why anyone would do that.

My apologies. I quoted the wrong poster

It's a wee dig from east to west usually made made tongue in cheek "you'll have had your tea".

It's a cultural dig from west to east as Edinburgh folk have a reputation for being mean with the comestibles.

I've no idea if it's true or not as I don't know anyone who's actually from Edinburgh, they only live there, but being from Glasgow I'm happy to perpetuate the myth (sorry ☺️).

@AgnesX - I thought it was a Scottish thing as the Scots have a reputation for being tight (not sure if that is myth too!)

The only person I know from Edinburgh who’s hosted me and with whom I wasn’t very close was extremely generous and always lay out a lovely spread on invited occasions. She was also welcoming with food even on the odd drop in.

I don't know why posters are defending the OP's "host". All the people I know with small appetites know how to host. They have the social awareness to realise that not everyone eats like they do. They may be on a diet to lose weight or have other reasons for having a small appetite, but they don't impose their eating habits on to their guests.

So either this woman has an eating disorder or is completely lacking in social awareness.

I know someone who is absolutely obsessed with not wasting food . . . she was brought up by a mother who believed that any waste of food was "wicked" (in the old-fashioned sense of this word)

So this person will only ever serve the minimum amount of food and is incredibly stingy. I can remember being served one slice of toast for lunch (nothing on it apart from the faintest sliver of spread). A male friend asked for a second slice and I will never forget the look of horror he was given. She said to me afterwards "Men do eat a lot, don't they?" and I felt obliged to tell her that men in my family normally ate a lot more than two very thin slices of toast for their lunch. Oh dear . . . .

I’m not ‘defending’ it at all. But I have a dear friend with very disordered eating who once, when I was only starting to get to know her, invited me and DH (who hadn’t met her) over for dinner to her houseshare (we were all mid-20s postgrads).

She served us smallish bowls of homemade soup and slices of homemade bread. We ate it, it was delicious, and we’d cycled a long way to get there. She offered us more after a pause. DH said no, he didn’t want to get too full before the main course. Dead silence. It turned out that what DH had interpreted as a starter, because he’s an over-catering host and an excellent cook (whose worst nightmare would be not giving guests enough food) was the entire dinner, because, despite being a confident, sophisticated person, my friend has such disordered thinking around food, restricts her own food so severely, and the concept of ‘enough food’ (her mother deprived her of food in childhood) is deeply mysterious to her, that she genuinely finds the question of other people’s appetites and what is ‘enough’ to them for any particular meal, difficult. Her worst nightmare would be someone pressing too much food on her, so she thought she was being a good host.

She’s been hospitalised on several occasions since.

Awkward!!

Your DH sounds like mine. We once attended a BBQ by people of means and were astonished that you could only have the choice of a burger or a piece of chicken.

What part of food being central to a BBQ do people not understand?