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AIBU?

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Original poster

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
Itsmecathy87 · 05/07/2024 19:47

Hagpie · 05/07/2024 19:37

OP I had COVID last week and although I only had a sore throat and headache, I was so fatigued I could barely function. Like sleep for 12 hours, nap while baby did and still be yawning at the dinner table.

Give him a week and see if he’s lazy or ill.

I would be very unsure about financially taking care of a man when I had children though.

I was thinking it could be covid! But the the poster said he still managed ro enjoy the holiday so not sure

femfemlicious · 05/07/2024 19:53

It sounds like you don't work. Do the council know he lives there?

Sit down and have a talk with him

Itsmecathy87 · 05/07/2024 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow you are sick in the head.

dijonketchup · 05/07/2024 20:06

Don’t let anyone on here get to you, OP. Take the advice that serves you and leave the anonymous personal attacks on the internet where they belong. Good luck resolving things 👍

FanSaBhaile · 05/07/2024 20:15

Biggleslefae · 05/07/2024 18:18

I only said what lots of other posters were thinking. If you are so upset about my post please report it and have it deleted. That might help you to calm down a bit.

Show quote history

I don't think many other posters were thinking that at all. What you said was disgusting, and I have reported it.

Greydays10 · 05/07/2024 20:21

Sadly, a 26 year old man moving in with a 34 mother of two teenage girls could indeed brag.
It is hardly the norm.
The preoccupation so many young men have with porn would make me very suspicious of any young man in this situation, most particularly the class of lazy, unemployed loser the OP has found herself stuck with.
I so hope she is still reading and has gotten him out.

wutheringkites · 05/07/2024 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think this comment definitely says more about you than the op or the guy. Gross.

bunsnroses1 · 05/07/2024 20:23

Aww OP, sorry you got piled on. Sounds like you have been ‘dick-notized’ and are waking up from your trance. You know what to do! X

Payattentioninclass · 05/07/2024 20:28

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

What is he, a sloth? You already know the answer....get him out and move on.

Zombiemama84 · 05/07/2024 20:39

Have your children spent much time with him before he moved in? He shouldn't have moved in without a job to pay his way. Hes not a great role model for your children is this what you want them to think is normal?

no one stays in bed for 4 days because of a sore throat he needs to man up. Tell him he should go back to his mums until he can make positive and financial contributions.

JJJxox · 05/07/2024 20:53

I think if OP didn’t realise that she had made a mistake she wouldn’t of been on here asking for advice… some responses on here are totally undeserved :(

OP… you may of gone about things the wrong way here, but as a human we all make mistakes…..
only you will know. you know him where as we don’t…

From an outsiders point of view it does sound like he is taking the mick. If you were a friend telling me this I would be really angry for you….
if he’s moved in with you he should be helping you and supporting you not just lounging around expecting you to do everything and look after him…
unless he really is is genuinely sick at the moment and this behaviour is completely unexpected?

I hope your ok and either way you resolve this for you and your girls :)

momtoboys · 05/07/2024 20:54

Good lord...,BIN HIM.

theonlygirl · 05/07/2024 21:21

He may well be genuinely ill, but he's 26 going on 16. A lot of 26 year old lads are still kids. He has zero clue about responsibility and frankly I find it really weird he's decided to move in. I imagine he's not really understanding your expectations that he becomes part of the family and the work that goes with it. Also, who's ever heard of an unemployed tradesman. Its not really a job is it, sounds like a hobby.

Cornishclio · 05/07/2024 21:25

What would I do? I would ask him to move out and say this isn't working and having him lying around in bed all day is irritating and not what you need. Certainly stop bringing him food. If he is well enough to go out with his friends he can get his own food.

The not working thing would also turn me off him even if he has rich parents. Maybe they are glad to be shot of him.

solerolo · 05/07/2024 21:53

The lack of response from the OP @YourRubyBee is telling. The boyfriend is probably still there in her bedroom hiding from the light.

There's times that context and support from various portals helps. But on the whole it's best to view the whole picture. This woman put her desire for a boyfriend ahead of her kids home environment. Shame on you, OP

IncompleteSenten · 05/07/2024 22:02

Or she decided not to come back because some posters have been utter cunts at her.

Grumblegore · 05/07/2024 22:21

She’s probably busy kicking him out tbf and will hopefully recognise the red flags for next time 🤞 good luck, OP!

When I was single and used to do online dating the minute a man mentioned he was only doing casual/ part-time work or wasn’t working at all I’d unmatch unless there was a good reason and I’ve not heard one yet.

All the men I met who were like that seemed hyper focused on the gym or some kind of hobby.

Health and fitness is important but to me it’s so unattractive for a man of 30+ to spend hours in the gym most days a week to the detriment of his career, home and finances.

I couldn’t be with a man who’ll happily watch me working hard and holding it down at home too, while they just relax and enjoy their hobbies.

solerolo · 05/07/2024 22:57

IncompleteSenten · 05/07/2024 22:02

Or she decided not to come back because some posters have been utter cunts at her.

Really?!

SamW98 · 05/07/2024 22:59

Grumblegore · 05/07/2024 22:21

She’s probably busy kicking him out tbf and will hopefully recognise the red flags for next time 🤞 good luck, OP!

When I was single and used to do online dating the minute a man mentioned he was only doing casual/ part-time work or wasn’t working at all I’d unmatch unless there was a good reason and I’ve not heard one yet.

All the men I met who were like that seemed hyper focused on the gym or some kind of hobby.

Health and fitness is important but to me it’s so unattractive for a man of 30+ to spend hours in the gym most days a week to the detriment of his career, home and finances.

I couldn’t be with a man who’ll happily watch me working hard and holding it down at home too, while they just relax and enjoy their hobbies.

Agree. In my OLD days I swiped left for the gym bunnies, the marathons runners, the hikers, paddle boarders etc who seem to spend every weekend indulging their hobby.

Im not materialistic I don’t really care what job a man does but he has to do a days graft for me to be interested.

Grumblegore · 05/07/2024 23:26

Im not materialistic I don’t really care what job a man does but he has to do a days graft for me to be interested.

Exactly it’s just the basics really. He doesn’t have to be a high earner or anything. Just go out and work instead of trying to live off me or your parents and that’s good with me.

MarlaSingersMiddleFinger · 05/07/2024 23:27

@YourRubyBee he may be genuinely ill there are a lot of summer bugs going around at the moment.
Have a word and tell him how you feel and that its not going to work like this. Also you should consider what kind kf relationship you model to your children they need to see positive partnerships not their mum moving in someone who doesn't help and lives off (and I assume) limited inheritance rather than using that for a better future for themselves.

I still woukd be reluctant to write him off especially if he has always ljved at home he may need a little 'training' but if you have feelings and he js good in other ways it may be worth it.

IncompleteSenten · 06/07/2024 02:14

solerolo · 05/07/2024 22:57

Really?!

Show quote history

Yes.

JudithOx · 06/07/2024 09:49

If you need to ask, you have bigger issues -- self-esteem, to start. How can you bring a man like this to your children? How can you even consider staying with him? If he acts like this when he moves in, lad holiday or otherwise, he's a loser. And you're cooking his meals?? And letting your children see this kind of person going about the house? Kick him out, don't look back, and think twice about bringing a new man to your children, especially one who's never visited before...

JudithOx · 06/07/2024 09:51

solerolo · 05/07/2024 21:53

The lack of response from the OP @YourRubyBee is telling. The boyfriend is probably still there in her bedroom hiding from the light.

There's times that context and support from various portals helps. But on the whole it's best to view the whole picture. This woman put her desire for a boyfriend ahead of her kids home environment. Shame on you, OP

This. Shame on you. Wake up to yourself.

BiscuityBoyle · 06/07/2024 11:11

It doesn’t sound like he’s bringing much to this relationship. As for the inheritance he will burn through that quickly. He would have been much better off putting it towards a house.

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