Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
Biggleslefae · 04/07/2024 23:23

Sorry you're getting such a flaming @YourRubyBee
I can totally understand why an independently wealthy person seems like a good catch but I dont think this lad is a good prospect. If I have understood things properly he might as well be a trust fund baby- it tends not to end well for them.
Also I'd be worried about his intentions toward your daughters.

Mirabai · 04/07/2024 23:28

He’s not independently wealthy he’s burning up an inheritance he should be investing - and your life.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/07/2024 23:30

sesquipedalian · 04/07/2024 17:57

Why are you making meals and letting him eat them in bed? You’re hardly encouraging him to come downstairs and have tea with you if you ‘re taking his food up to the bedroom.

Bless-have done that with my teenager tonight as he was shattered after getting back from his DofE-however, he IS a teenager and I AM his mum! OP you are a grown up and your BF is also a grown up. You are not his mother. Send him home.

Viviennemary · 04/07/2024 23:39

I thought he was a teenager. Ridiculous.

Carock · 04/07/2024 23:44

He is independently wealthy. He isn't working at the moment because he is using inheritance to support himself.

What a fucking loser this guy is, he has no sense and sees this financial gain as a means to live like a lad? You and him are on two different wavelengths, you’ve grown up and had children and bought a house, while he’s slobbing about whittling his money away and no doubt expecting the parents to pick up anything financial in future.

Youve let and unemployed lad slob about in a new house. It’s absolute nuts

Runnerinthenight · 04/07/2024 23:50

And you need to ask??!

Biggleslefae · 04/07/2024 23:55

Has he seen a financial advisor to help him invest the money to generate some passive income?
Or is he just spending it?
Will he burn through it and then look to you to support him OP?

Dibbydoos · 05/07/2024 00:01

Bye bye ex partner.
Stop making him food drinks etc youve enough on your plate, what an AH.

JFDIYOLO · 05/07/2024 00:14

You have what here at Mumsnet is known as a cocklodger. Or a CF. It isn't entirely his fault; he's just not ready for this.

He's only ten years older than your eldest daughter. At 26 he has only just reached maturity (our brains are only fully adult around 25) and you are WAY ahead of him in maturity, life experience, responsibility. He's gone from parents' house to a substitute mum's house with no responsibility and he's behaving like it.

You've now got three teenagers to mother.

He needs time to grow up, and to be honest by the time he's in his thirties a woman in her forties may not be that interesting.

You and your daughters needed time to settle in to your new home. They shouldn't have had a new youthful brother/father figure imposed on them as well at the same unsettling time.

Yes, you've made a mistake, we all do. It's only been a few days.

He has a home to go back to.

This is the thing that Mumsnet is so good at - holding a very chilly mirror up to an OP's eyes with the words What Were You Thinking?!!!! engraved on it

It's often a shock and quite upsetting, and I think you've had a hard time - but it was important. And I think some of the flaming may be coming from the mothers of teenage daughters.

JFDIYOLO · 05/07/2024 00:22

And apologise to your daughters, tell them you realise you made a huge mistake because you weren't thinking straight and that getting silly over a boy can be a disaster.

Show them that women do not have to put up with lazy freeloading behaviour and be a great role model by saying no and putting their wellbeing first.

Well done for seeing the situation so quickly, for coming in to the nest of vipers and asking its opinion!

velvetcloak · 05/07/2024 00:28

Good on you for recognising it in three days, and deciding to tell him this is not working. Many of us take three years or three decades to do this.

SwordToFlamethrower · 05/07/2024 00:38

No way you should have had a man move into the family home with vulnerable kids, after just one year. No way you can know him properly.

Get rid. Deffo a sign of things to come

Greydays10 · 05/07/2024 01:05

TookTheBook · 04/07/2024 22:05

Not only would I be worried about the poor example you're setting your daughters, but actually quite suspicious of his motives. Moving in with teenage girls while he is 26? 🤔

This.
Bloody hell.
Get him out of your house asap.
I think you know your daughters deserve so much better than this from you.

fearfulexchange · 05/07/2024 05:11

velvetcloak · 05/07/2024 00:28

Good on you for recognising it in three days, and deciding to tell him this is not working. Many of us take three years or three decades to do this.

This 👆🏻
It's easy for everyone on the outside to say their bit. I'd be really proud of myself if I was you. Enjoy your new home 😊

MsDogLady · 05/07/2024 07:21

@YourRubyBee, he sounds stunted, with a lower maturity level than your 16 year old. You are playing with fire by bringing him into your teen daughters’ home. Get him out pronto.

laveritable · 05/07/2024 08:08

"He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now". just how is a good tradesman not working??? The good ones are booked back to back!!!

abracadabra1980 · 05/07/2024 08:36

Yet another emotionally inconsiderate who puts her need for a man before the emotional consideration of her children. Grow up. Makes my blood boil.

Choochoo21 · 05/07/2024 09:22

abracadabra1980 · 05/07/2024 08:36

Yet another emotionally inconsiderate who puts her need for a man before the emotional consideration of her children. Grow up. Makes my blood boil.

Yep!

OP is upset that she is getting harsh replies but I don’t know what she expected.

As an adult you can do what you want but when there are kids involved there’s nothing worse than when people act so irresponsibly like this.

She moved a man in to her kids home, without him ever even spending the night there.
She’s only been with him a year.
She moved him in knowing full well he wasn’t working.
He hasn’t helped with the house move, cooking or cleaning at all.
He’s barely spent any time with OP or her kids, since she allowed him to move in with them.
And what’s worse, she has been bringing him his meals whilst he lays in bed and does nothing.

What an awful message to send to your teenage kids.

It wouldn’t surprise me if he was still living there and she has no intention of kicking him out.

SOxon · 05/07/2024 09:37

Horrible? no not at all - as posters have pointed out, Tough Love dispensed here,
in fact some of the most lucid, obvious, concerned remarks Ive read in a while -
OP you have girls of 15/16 in a new house and moved in a 26 year old shiftless
man straight from a lads - your description - holiday?! and you think you are
going to get kindness and sympathy?
We can offer compassion in spades on here for the vulnerable and do, but you
have been foolish, unwise, reckless even and test our collective patience.

As a single parent of teenage girls and always watchful, I would suggest that you quickly Grow Up !! and be a mother first and send that legiron packing.
I would probably burn the sheets too.

SOxon · 05/07/2024 09:40

Well done ladies, I’m proud of you all : this is why and how this site flourishes,
now the vipers are off on another thread, admonishing some hapless person, suggesting they give their heads a wobble and other nonsense.

Lilacapples · 05/07/2024 09:42

I’d take a step back, ask him to move out, explain you think you’ve rushed things and have him stay over a couple of nights a week.

SOxon · 05/07/2024 09:43

Also, where is the girls father in all this ; does he not show concern
that a young single man is now living in a house with his 15 and 16
year old daughters?

“gives head a wobble”

JMSA · 05/07/2024 09:49

pinkyredrose · 04/07/2024 18:48

Yuk. I bet your vagina has shrivelled up. To give it a chance of future hydration kick this waste of space out. Immediately. Like right now!

Shrivelled up is good, if it means dragging no more kids into this.

Starlight1979 · 05/07/2024 09:58

Julyshouldbesunny · 04/07/2024 17:58

Congratulations on your new teenage ds...

This 😂

Starlight1979 · 05/07/2024 10:10

So aside from everything else that is worrying about your post, you have a 26 year old "boyfriend" living with your 15 and 16 year old daughters???

Wow. Sorry but you've put yourself and not wanting to be single above your own children. Awful.