Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

[Canttakemuchmoreofthis1]

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

You broke up with him. Regardless of who did what to who... you ended the relationship! What were you hanging on to? He did you a favour.

Block him in return and move on. He's not for you and you're not for him.

Well exactly. I don't necessarily go as far as blocking with all of them but I've never stayed friends with an ex. What's the point.

Yes, ok, I left. I'm awful, I get it.
I left because as I've said, he didn't want to commit to me as his lifelong partner. I wasn't his one. So he rejected me too. I'm not trying to justify it, but he told me something was missing.
Since then, I've tried to sort things out around 3 times.
I'm not 'playing with his feelings ' dangling him on a string or anything.

He sat me down and told me something was making him hesitant to commit to me, but he didn't know what.

He sounds like a right cunt and you were right for leaving. Well done. Now move the fuck on and stop wasting energy!!

He wasn’t that into you. So you left. Then you panicked because of your age and decided you would settle for him after all.

He’s STILL not that into you.

Stop chasing after him and be grateful that he’s stopped you from spending the next twenty years trapped in a relationship with an arsehole that treats you like crap.

If relationships are over that usually means you both accept it's over for good. Even a partner saying they want to go on 'a break' is usually a relationship death knell, but you two had actually finished.

You wanted more than he was prepared to give and seemed to be hanging on waiting for him to change his mind. As awful as he was, and he was, he was being pretty clear about it.

You are going through the pain of breakup and it is painful. Probably looking back with rose coloured glasses, but the man you are describing sounds horrid and you are well rid (you just don't realise it yet).

You need to work on yourself and stop wishing things could have been different. Everything you've written here tells me he was a bellend - you left him because of that. Sort yourself out and stop looking backwards - start looking forwards.

Charitably one could say it was too painful for him to be friends with someone who and dumped him. But he was always more into himself than you so there isn’t actually any point to continuing to see him.

You really are having a hard time waking up and smelling the coffee here.

He didn’t love you enough (you werent the one)
He was disrespectful and rude to you over your appearance.
He was judgmental and critical and made you anxious about your education/class/reading.
He shamed you over your credit situation and shared your private financial information with his family.
He was bizarrely controlling and manipulative over food (forcing you to cook from scratch when you had made other arrangements.)

You left him for the worst reason (that you felt you were not his one and only). You should have left him because he is an awful person who criticizes you, humiliates you, and tells you ghat you are a bitch.

The first time my bf ever called me a bitch would be the last one. Have some standards and stop with the mawkish sentimentality. You may have loved him but you were a fool. He was not good to you and you should never cast your pearls before swine.

This, in a nutshell.

He sounds absolutely dreadful OP, you're surely worthy of someone better than a man who treats you like a person "most of the time"?

You know how many times my husband of 18 years has made fun of my hair, or bullied me into cooking how he wants, or hemmed and hawwed about whether he wants to live with me or not, or gone out all night without telling me, or bitched about me to his mother, or literally tried to change who I am as a person so I can be more pleasing to him?

Zero, it's zero times. Because those things don't happen in good relationships.

He was and is awful OP. You made the right choice leaving him, and he's now done what you should have done in the first place and completely cut contact so you can heal. So try and start doing that instead of pining for this joke of a relationship.

@Canttakemuchmoreofthis1

it hurts, I get that!

But honestly read your ownposts. He didn't want you back. You aren't his 'one'...

sorry if this seems brutal, but stop wasting your time on a man who has made it crystal clear he doesn't want to be with you.

@Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 has anyone here said you are awful?
I've skimmed some of the messages but the vast, vast majority have all said you did the right thing and need to move on now.
You don't seem to be hearing that.

you're not being unreasonable to feel the way you do, but it's not a good sign either. I would have felt like you a few years back but honestly i cannot believe i wasted so much time pining over people who didn't want me and undeserving men. I don't know if it's an age thing or an esteem thing, but the way i feel now I don't think i'd allow anyone to break my heart like this again as i would just think it was not meant to be and move on. i know that doesn't help you now, but the only thing you can do is give it time and like others have said work on yourself and building up some independence so you are not so dependent on a man in the future and only consider being with someone who lifts you up.

OP, no one has said you're awful (as far as I can see?)
Everyone agrees that he's a cunt. You trusted your instincts and did the right thing!

Nobody like# being ghosted, even by an ex. It’s not a nice thing to happen to anyone, so I understand that it must sting.

But, looking at the situation objectively, it’s pretty clear what has happened. You dumped him, for what sound like perfectly reasonable reasons. Now, he has moved on, and in all probability met someone else. That’s not unreasonable and it’s what happens when long term relationships end.

He has moved on. Now you need to accept that and do likewise. Good luck.

If I am going to be brutally honest here (and I apologise if this is blunt), I think he has probably already checked out of the relationship so that you would finish things because he was too much of a coward to do so. He then met up to see if he had made the wrong decision but realised he hadn’t, so he has now moved on.

I’m sorry. It’s awful when you still have feelings for someone and they aren’t reciprocated.

He sounds horrible OP and you're much better off without him. Don't worry about being 34 - you're a baby - you've got loads of your life ahead of you.

Better to have someone who commits and loves and respects you at 50, than someone who will just drag you down and be a constant stress at 34.

He's ghosted you because he's probably met someone else and tbh he's done you a favour. Move on!

He hid the shop bought sauce and then you made homecooked instead? Honestly, at that point you should have poured whatever sauce you had in the house over his head and told him to get out.

I'm glad he's ghosted you OP. Not in a nasty way but in a way that you can be rid of tge looser and move on.

I am sorry, you thought you didn't feel you were "his" one and you were right. You were not "his" one, the "one for him", as well as he wasn't the "one for you". Nothing for you to sort out here. He didn't offer you the commitment you wanted, and you left. Good for you! He kept talking to you for a while, now he decided to stop talking to you. Again, nothing to sort out, he moved on now, you should do the same. You are only 34, there are lots of people you will meet, and surely there will be someone who can actually fully commit to you. But you won't meet that person if you keep thinking about him, so, in a way, he did you a favour.

Tbh if you didn’t have kids together and no other ties in terms of finances and houses etc to sort then I think it’s completely for the best to cut all ties and have no contact. It’s the only way to get a clean break and move on, perhaps he’s realised this.

So you did the right thing - why are you trying to hold onto someone who doesn't want you?

There was never going to be any 'working things out' because he didn't want a committed relationship with you, and he still doesn't now. Move on.