Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

413 replies

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 04/07/2024 15:55

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 10/07/2024 23:04

Narcissist

EC22 · 10/07/2024 23:07

You are well rid.
Are you maybe just lonely, or bored and romanticising this relationship?

MightAsWellTalkToMyself · 11/07/2024 12:53

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 04/07/2024 16:28

Please, stop acting like I just left him for no reason.
He pretty much made it clear I wasn't his lifelong partner.

So why oh why do you want him back?

Pinksparkles84 · 11/07/2024 14:01

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way OP but you need to let him go and be by yourself for some time and learn about self love. You don’t need a partner in your life to complete you. It sounds like you put some boundaries in place and he didn’t treat you like a decent human being. Going out all night and not telling you. There’s so many red flags here and the more you try and go back into a relationship with him the worse he will treat you as he’ll realise he can treat you with utter disrespect and get away with it. Please reach out to WomensAid or similar to help you recover from his abuse. Sending my thoughts your way.

totallyadhd · 11/07/2024 20:49

I think you’re experiencing something really normal but you shouldn’t second guess yourself, you did the right thing. It’s normal to almost crystallise people after a break up and really remember all the good bits and wonder if it was the right thing. If you were to have a second go it might go well at first but given time all of the same issues would crop up. Your gut was telling you something wasn’t right and it sounds like you didn’t feel like you were loved enough and special to him. Yes you probably did have great times too but that doesn’t make up for it or mean that it was the wrong decision. If you meet someone who is crazy about you then you’ll realise that something was missing and you deserved a more enthusiastic love. He also sounds immature and if you’re looking to have a more a serious commitment or maybe kids I think you dodged a bullet. He sounds controlling. The hiding of the sauce is very immature.

LoftyReader · 11/07/2024 21:38

It’s been 8 months and everytime you’ve mentioned reconciliation he has turned you down. I’d say it’s safe to say that he has no intention of being back in a relationship with you, and chatting to you is a “as and when” he isn’t busy and can fit it into his day. Honestly, I think you should be prepared for the very real possibility that he is dating, or even if he isn’t that he WILL start dating again. How would you feel if you found that out? A clean break would honestly be best for you, as after 8 months broken up you should feel less attached than you do right now and that’s because you’re hanging on to something that isn’t there anymore.

Danni1970 · 11/07/2024 23:14

You did the right thing leaving him trust me. You should never put up with manipulative behaviour or nasty comments about your appearance. Move on, you deserve much better

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 12/07/2024 07:26

The OP is clearly going to waste years and years while this guy messes her around. A shame.

Pickled21 · 12/07/2024 07:46

You don't sound as if you are 34. Everyone is telling you to draw a line under it and let this one go but you are like a dog with a bone. If I was advising a friend in this scenario I'd tell them to get a grip and cut off contact for good, work on themselves emotionally so if affordable look at some counselling sessions. You have incredibly low standards, he doesn't want the future you do and even his parents have told him that he was "mean' to you yet you still want to work it out. Why is it that you'd rather be with this guy than single for a while or going on dates trying to find someone better suited?

Ultimately you'll do what you want but I think you are making poor choices.

beyourownchampion · 13/07/2024 08:12

What a complete knob he is. You deserve so much better.

Take control back and don’t message him ever again.

He’s clearly awful and playing around with your feelings……. Block, delete, move on.

Fancyplant · 24/02/2025 23:28

I’ve just been through a very similar situation.
The sudden ghosting part from Dec is horrendous.
At the break up stage in October I found reading ‘Attached’ very helpful, in why I ended things due to his behaviour even though I adored him.
Friendly chats for a few months and then, nothing.
it hurts.
it really, really hurts.
and is very rude and fairly childish.
avoidant!

Arlanymor · 26/02/2025 07:40

Why resurrect this thread half a year later?

Member869894 · 26/02/2025 08:10

Please work on your self esteem . He sounds awful and you deserve so much better x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page