Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

[Canttakemuchmoreofthis1]

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

He is playing with you like a cat plays with a mouse before they kill it.
Or the way whales play ball with a seal before they eat it

You left because he is a ARSE. Well done.

We know just from your first post that you're worth more than that.

Trouble is, you don't.

Him moving on was the best thing that could have happened to you.

Let it go.

But you are 34. Off you go and grieve but stop obsessing over why he ghosted you. Why shouldn’t he? He wasn’t present in the relationship either. Like what’s the point of this? It does not matter. It does not matter at all why he did it and the only thing that matters is getting yourself to a situation where you don’t accept any of that bollocks from anyone anymore. And who cares if his parents think he was mean? You don’t get points for people being on your side. You get points for taking the time to sort your feelings out and sit with your sadness while NOT doing anything stupid like ever messaging him again.
And working out why you put up with that

He's just not that into you. You weren't a good fit, and that's fine.

Get your friends together, get your frock on, get out there.

Get on with your life.

Oh god I just read her last message.
She’s mental.

she’s going to text him and beg him to come back. This is so stupid

You're well rid. He sounds like a right twat

He didn't treat you well. You deserve better. A clean break is needed so you can move on. Maybe in the future you can be friends but just now it is holding you back. If a friend told you she was being spoken to like that, what would you advise her? He isn't going to change.

Take it as a hint from the universe to have higher standards.

You need to make a clean break, keeping in touch if you don’t need to just makes it take longer to accept the situation and move on - for both of you. I understand it’s easy to want to keep in touch, you’ve spoken to that person daily for a long time and it’s like losing your routine and security blanket. But things were not good OP, he was clearly showing you contempt. You will see things more objectively once you wean yourself away from the contact. Trust me x

Just because you ended it doesn't mean you don't get to grieve the relationship, the length, the good times, the hope for committment. Be kind to yourself.

Read your post, you weren't being treated right and you do deserve better, the more you heal the more you'll recover and see it.

One day at a time

Don't be surprised if he unghosts you and you have this yo-yo pattern. Try and not backslide if you can, he's shown you who he is.

Have some dignity and move on.

You left him. He made clear he doesn’t want to commit to you. You had a crush and then all was fine. Now you don’t have a crush and you’ve moved your focus back to him. Maybe when he met you he wanted to see if you could be friends. You showed him you haven’t moved on so he’s removed himself from the situation. Leave him be.

My ex ghosted me and it still aches, although I'm with someone else. You can see things more objectively when you're not in the situation. Reading this, I think: he sounds cruel and controlling. You've dodged a bullet in the long-term. I feel sad for whomever be ends up with. But I know it doesn't feel like that now. I think it will though.

I would have ghosted to. I had an ex who broke up with me and called me annoying, never replied now he won't stop ringing me every now and then. Nothing to say tbh

I don't know why you keep bopping back and forth on this.

You dumped him, which on your description seems to be the best thing you could have done. He doesn't want to be with you long-term and he was horrible while you were together!

It's easy to look back with rose tinted glasses when you're sad a relationship has ended - but seriously? You "don't know why he'd be so cruel to ghost you"? Why was he so cruel to laugh at your hair cut? Why was he so cruel to ruin a jar of sauce to force you to cook for him?

Maybe he's a nice man to someone, but that someone is not you. Stop moping over what might have been and acknowledge that you miss what might have been if he was nice to you.

So why would you even want to try and work it out??? He sounds horrid and I would be happy if he ghosted me so that I could move on.

God he sounds like a child. What did you like about him. As I didn’t read anything to recommend him.

Your messages (I read them all) pretty much say the same thing. Maybe you need to branch out and find yourself. You have said nothing about him that sounds like a wonderful person to spend your life with and he’s clearly not committed. Travel, make new friends, get a dog (or cat), get hobbies, go to the gym. You need to do things to value yourself. You may need to heal your inner child that results in you going for someone totally unsuitable and not nice. Value yourself.

He sounds like a cxxt, hopefully you will be able to see this clearly someday soon. You deserve better, hes a horrible person from how you have described him

Also why do you keep repeating yourself and justifying yourself. No one knows you, no one is judging. Move on

Honestly, you need to move on.
It is evident from your original post that you have low self esteem, to the extent that you seem to be doubting your own instinct. You are trying to convince yourself that these huge red flags don’t matter.
I know it hurts now, but honestly you will look back and be so grateful you never went back there. You can’t honestly see yourself with this man in 10 years time - leaving you alone with the kids and not even telling you where he is going, playing dirty tricks on you, putting you down with his snide comments.
You will find sometime better. Do it now before you waste any more of your valuable life on this man x

Honestly it sounds like you therapy. I don't say that to be mean but your messages throughout this thread are all over the place and you don't seem to know what you actually want at all.

You are well out of that coersive relationship.

Why are people still posting on this?! The OP hasn't been back for days!