Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

[Canttakemuchmoreofthis1]

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

It will hurt for a while op, but one day you will see that you did the right thing, and that he did you a favour.

He's ghosting you because he can. There is literally no reason for either of you to stay in touch with each other. You're not friends.

If he hasn't blocked you, then maybe you should delete his number and block him, so that you re not tempted to restart contact. It's not healthy.

He doesn't love or respect you, so respect yourself and have nothing further to do with him.

Just stop. Why would you want to rekindle a relationship where you are criticised and judged? You are still young. Don’t act like any man is better than no man. It ended for good reason. Be kind to yourself. You deserve more.

He sounds like a bell you're well rid.of him.

How long is it since you heard from him? He may not be ghosting you, just backing off a bit. Maybe he thinks he is keeping you hanging and it isn’t fair as you want to get back with him bit he doesn’t want that.

it seems you still want him to be different, want different things and he doesn’t want that. He may wish things had been different just as much as you do but accepts that they weren’t and can’t be.

Hedoesn’t sound like he was very nice to you so surely you would want that to be different and he just doesn’t want to out the effort in. The reasons you left him are valid and nothing had changed. You deserve better but it will be hard for a while. You haven’t really grieved for the relationship because of the constant contact. It will get easier.

Erm read this back!! You can't be serious? Really?

Sounds like he needs to force himself to move forward and the only way to that cold turkey is cutting off contact. Do the same yourself, exes don't generally stay friends or in contact for long, time to move on. No need to block, just put him to back of your mind. Xx

You sound like you gave him an "ultimatum" indirectly. He said he doesn't want to commit to you, you are 34, so you want to threaten him with leaving by packing your bags. But you regret the decision because it didn't force his hands.

You keep saying you guys could have "sorted it out". There is nothing to sort out. If 2 people are not compatible, they aren't compatible. If things can be "sorted out" by compromise then anyone can be a couple together.

I think you are 34 and freaking out to start over. Stop wasting time on the ex. He made it clear you are not the one. Instead of moving on to understand yourself/what you need and finding your "one" you are wasting precious time holding onto a relationship that's not working out.

He did you a favour by cutting things so you guys can both move on.

Seriously?! You're still wanting him to?! Why???
I keep seeing you say exes can be friends. No. They can't. Only under exceptional circumstances can this work and what you've said isn't one of them. How would your new partner/their new partner feel about it???! It'd be a no way from me!!
You need to hear what we are saying. You can do better. Sack him off and move on. And in future - don't financially support a partner!!!

You made the right decision IMO. This person does not love you. Someone that loves you builds you up, not takes any opportunity to knock you down. Period.

Either he is talking with someone else and was edging his bets, or he wants you to start begging him to talk to you. Or he doesn’t want to be on an emotional rollercoaster anymore. Believe his silence and I know how incredibly hard and painful it must be, but you need to start to move on from this, because it’ll never be more than something you settled for. It’s red flag central.

As hard as this is, it's for the best. Its totally normal to miss someone, but spending 5 hours with your ex will do you no good. You need to cut all ties, so you can have clarity of thought and decide what you want to do. Focus on yourself, be busy and enjoy life.
For what it's worth hiding the sauce is a massive red flag for me. Very controlling.

I wouldn't have left him for lack of commitment, I'd have left him because he behaved abusively. Laughing at your physical appearance? Hiding food from you to "make" you cook from scratch? These things are not normal, OP. Nice men do not do these things.

If I was you I'd have a read of Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I bet you'll find your ex in there. Why on earth do you want to get back together with someone who was so mean to you!? Invest in some individual counselling to understand why your bar is so low. Then raise your bar (minimum standard: partner must not be mean to me) and move on with your life.

One day you will thank your lucky stars he.ghosted you.

It may be painful, but now you can .move on with your life.

I know from experience that trying to work out why somebody has ghosted you can drive you crazy and the sad truth is you will probably never find out but you’ll get over it with time. All I can say is, it says more about the ghoster than the ghosted person - it’s a very cruel and hurtful thing to do so maybe he’s just not the person you thought he was.

Maybe he's met someone else. Maybe he's just decided to move on. It doesn't really matter why, what matters is what people do. You need to accept that it's over, block his number and move on with your life. It's okay to feel sad that it's over but don't get stuck in one place going over things in your head. Get out and about, see friends, go for walks/runs/gym/yoga/zumba - whatever makes you feel good 😊 try a new hobby, maybe an evening class? Keep busy and do things that make you feel good. It's your life to make the best of - take care of yourself 💐

It's wierd that you were still seeing each other & messaging daily.
You've split up.
Block & move on

He doesn't like someone who is a long term partner; poor communication, thoughtless & self centred and belittling & undermining you.

He has met some one so his attention has gone there instead

I am sorry you are going through this. I just went through something similar recently so I know how difficult it is to walk away from someone you love because you know that they don't love you in the same way. He can't give you what you need. You recognise that you are not the "one" for him but you do not want to accept it. You seem to be hoping that he will change your mind. I think he has realised that you are still hoping and despite telling you he is not interested, you keep hoping. I think he ghosted you in sympathy; he knows he can't give you what you need and wants to tear the band aid off for you. You need to take a deep breath, pull up your big girl britches and look ahead to a different future. It is only then that you will meet someone who DOES think you are the one. If you are not the one for him, he is not the one for you. Good luck.

He is just not that into you.
It hurts but you have to move on for your own sake.
While you keep obsessing about him and why he has ghosted you you keep your life on hold.
Shit happens, it how you deal with it that makes the difference.
You dodged a bullet he was not partner material.
Onwards and upwards

Come on, OP. Pull yourself together. You dumped him because he was a bully with a nasty streak, and wouldn’t commit to you. Lucky. Who would want to be tied to someone like that? You’ll see it eventually. You’re just floundering because he’s taken the power away.

Then he was saying he had been unhappy as he didn't see me enough due to our working hours, then about the whole cooking thing and something about how I wasn't organised/transparent about finances. That hurts because I financially supported him.

And truly, it’s time to raise your bar 😬

You’ve had a lucky escape! He sounds awful! You are clearly not the right person for him as he has too many things to criticise about you. I know it hurts right now but actually I think it’s better than the ones that you are not together and move on.

Please, have some self respect and stop running after him. You're upset, I get that, it's hard, but if there is any chance he wants to get back together, your clingy behaviour will put an end to that.

It hurts, but try to move on, and leave any contact to him to initiate, and if that doesn't happen, then you know it's completely over.

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.