Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

[Canttakemuchmoreofthis1]

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

Fuck that.

Block him, he’s playing with you and the ghosting is part of the manipulation. He wants you to think you should try harder, should lower your expectations.

Get him in the bin and move on.

One of life’s skills is to learn how to move on when things end and to understand that you don’t need to be friends with Ex’s.

Imagine you were a mum and your daughter posted this. You would be horrified by his behaviour and rightly so.

You need to work on your self esteem and boundaries because holding a torch for a man like this is not healthy.

Sounds like he has moved on now anyway so taken the decision away from you. It’s for the best.

Exactly. You wanted to sort things out and get back together, and he didn't. If he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to be with you, and you can't change that. But this is a lucky escape, really. If you HAD got back together, his lack of commitment to you would have driven you apart again ultimately. And you would have wasted even more time on him. Move on, for the good of your mental wellbeing. For what it's worth, he sounds like a dick anyway.

1. your relationship was not healthy at all, and clearly you were unhappy.
2. Intellectually, you seem to know that his behaviour towards you was gross, and that you should be with someone who respects and adores you. Emotionally however, it seems like you berate yourself and think that the awful and immature way he treats you, may be warranted. If I were you, I would work on that, rather than trying to win him back.
3. the only correct thing he’s done is ‘ghost’ you. What he’s actually done is accepted that he is not your romantic partner anymore, and that you both talking for 5 hours and you buying him dinner, is blurry. He is moving on, and so should you.
4. you are panicking about being 34. Option 1: stay with a person who is terrible for your self esteem, does not love you for all your authentic self, and is probably controlling (eg expecting you to cook, via manipulation). You have children with him, then they see the toxic behaviour and become like him? You leave as a single mum. Option 2: you find a loving and mature man, who respects you as an equal and you are happy. I’d wait it out, hands down.

He sounds like a narcissist who has you feeling exactly how he wants you to feel. Move on and take this as a got away lightly situation

To be honest he sounds vindictive enough that he just kept you on the hook to drop you and hurt you the way he perceived you hurt him when you left, but he sounds a proper weirdo block him and move on

Let him go. Think best for you both to just stop contacting eachother so you can both move on. You don't have to ghost him though. Just explain that you both need space.

Neither you nor him, I feel, will find commitment with another while you place so much importance on communicating with each other.
You should leave him if finding a life time partner and family is central to your long term plan. He won't commit.
No new partner will tolerate the hold you allow your ex to have.

OP, he's a class A manipulator. All the nasty things he said and did, but then obviously he was nice to you too. You wouldn't have loved him if he was nasty and mean all the time. It's how emotional abusers operate. They know if they're horrible all the time that you'll just leave. So he was nice to you just enough to keep you but getting his sport and enjoyment out of hurting you too.

It can be very difficult to leave a relationship like this because you desperately want more of the good times. You also want him to see how he's hurting you, acknowledge it and apologise. That will never happen with people like him. Not sincerely anyway. He might apologise like "I'm sorry if you were upset by what I said" (but not actually sorry for what I said).

You deserved better. You don't have to be in a relationship where you feel uneasy a lot of the time. Where you are unsure of where you stand and what your future might be. He was familiar. That's what you miss. You don't miss the feelings of anxiety, and being made to feel inferior or not good enough. You just miss the routine of what you had. That's not enough to make up for all the rest.

Take time to realise your worth. By the way I love, audio books, audio documentaries (I spend a lot of time in the car!). I have learned so much from listening to random books or documentaries that pop up on my lists. I'm highly intelligent, but I dint "read" a lot. There was too much about you that he wants to change. There is someone who will love all those thing about you that irritate him. But the longer you hang around trying to to make him love you the longer you are denying yourself a real, loving, mutual relationship. Let today be your first day where you decide you are worth more than he tells you.

TBF, he sounds bloody awful; putting you down, criticising you, being shitty about the cooking and because you don't read the books HE would like you to read, not committing to you. I'd really call this a lucky escape. He would have dragged you down, and a few years on (had you stayed with him) you would have been miserable because he'd have found more "faults" and hadn't made a serious commitment to you. I'd take it as a good job that you did leave him.

You sound like a narcissist. My ex was like this. Anything I did or said that he took as the slightest criticism then he was the victim.
you ended the relationship because you weren’t happy and then are upset because he’s blocked you. What did you really expect? That he would come running back and change his ways? That’s not how real and genuine relationships work. They work because each partner has qualities the other loves, yes there might be little irks but not major ones like lack of commitment. Move on and find someone who fits with what you want from a partner. I think your ex has dodged a bullet tbh.

He does sound awful. You left for a reason. The thing is, every moment you stay tied to him you are not moving on with your life.

I haven't read everyone's comments, o forgive me if I am repeating what someone else has said, but your approach to relationships is likely to put you in difficult or abusive relationships, whether back with this guy or with someone new.

Have a look at The Freedom Programme - freedomprogramme.co.uk as it might help you to raise your expectations of a healthy relationship moving forward.

I bought dinner!! The pain will fade in time . Take care and love yourself, mind, body and soul. You will come to realise what a git you were with.x

I'm trying to justify why I left

"Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one"

Here is your answer.

I mean this in a nice way but please get a grip of yourself. You clearly left for a reason and now you are hanging around like a lost puppy waiting on him even though it is quite clear he isn't interested in you in a sincere way. You are 34 not 14, walk away before you embarrass yourself more.

This.

There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in your posts.

I refuse to believe this thread it real.

If it is, OP, please, get some counselling, work on your self-esteem. This man is not anyone you should feel a stab of regret about whatsoever. You should be thankful he is finally out of your life. Don't look back.

So he has the last word so to speak. It’s a power game. He had you dangling on a string then you said enough of this and left so now, after this time he has had you apologising and asking to come back he gets to cut it and be the one who ends it.

I know you’ve outlined reasons you left and stated he was lovely otherwise however he was trying to control you though his meanness

Nothing in your original post sounds lovely. He sounds derogatory, mean and emotionally abusive.

You are well rid of this person.

Op he sounds truly awful . He treated you really badly. You know it wasn’t working and rightly ended things
Then when you decided that you wanted him back , he didn’t want you . Now back in touch but no apology . He hasn’t changed & things will just resume to the toxic relationship that it was
Im not sure what you’re asking . It’s over, let him go . Just be grateful that you had the strength to end things first time & don’t weaken and let him back in .

This is understandable OP but hope you can move on from it soon. It sounds as though you made the right decision about the relationship.
I had a similar(ish) situation with an ex - I ended it, we stayed friends for a while (had better times than previously, in some ways) then he let the contact drop, basically after he met someone else. It can feel difficult when things move on, but stay strong.

I’m sorry but everything I’m reading op suggests you left him hoping he’d realise what he’s lost and come running back saying I can’t live without you, yes you’re the one

hes not going to do that. He’s totally in control and you will not get what you want which is commitment from him

What are the qualities he had OP, that have you in their grip so strongly? It might help you move on to thoroughly work through that. Were the pros in him really as good as you remember? Are you sure they cannot be found elsewhere?

I doubt the OP will be back because she doesn’t want to hear the truth.

She’d probably replying to his breadcrumbs as we speak and desperately hoping for him to suddenly change his mind - just wasting her life but it’s her call