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Ex appears to have ghosted me, I'm devastated

413 replies

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 04/07/2024 15:55

It was me who left. It was for various things, the first one being stalling on commitment.
The second was that he was quite critical of me, like I'd get a new haircut and he'd burst out laughing and say it looked like (insert X cartoon character)
Or he didn't like me using shop bought sauces so one time he deliberately hid the one I'd bought so I'd have to make a new one.
I felt like the cooking thing was a huge deal for him.
Our tenancy was ending soon and he seemed hesitant about us finding a new place to live.
Or on several occasions, he'd go out all night and not even tell me he'd gone out, I'd just come back to an empty flat.
He heavily berated me when he found out I had 1.5k of credit card debt, even though I was managing to pay it. He also told his parents something about my credit which I really didn't like.
I'm trying to justify why I left, but the main one was that I didn't feel I was his 'one" and that he was quite critical of me even though I did so much for him.
He really wanted me to be an avid reader. I do read, but I'm much more into non-fiction, I'm not massively into literature. I'm 'book-smart' I guess you could say, but I am just not someone who constantly reads novels sadly.

We stayed friends. We would still message all the time, he seemed upset at first but I wouldn't say he tried to win me back. I often felt I'd made a mistake, we had so many wonderful times together. We spent 5 hours together the other week.
I guess it was strange to still speak to your ex every day.. anyway, despite being the one to message me last, he's ghosted me. Just stopped reading and replying to my messages.
I am devastated.. I still regret the break up, we were together a long time. I'm 34 soon and I panicked.
But I didn't expect this. Everyone said I'd done the right thing leaving, but I still hoped we could work it out.

OP posts:
diddl · 06/07/2024 16:21

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

What is there to think?

He doesn't want to get back together!

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 06/07/2024 16:30

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

He was seeing someone else. Come on don’t fall for it

Ghostgirl77 · 06/07/2024 16:41

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

He’s messing with you. Walk away.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/07/2024 16:42

His last conversation with you was to say he can't commit and He gave you a list of the things he was unhappy with

And the killer comment...
"he wished there was a solution he could see before it was too late"

OP. He's asking YOU to solve his "problems" he wants YOU to fix things to make him happier in a relationship.

The most telling item on the list, apart from stupid things like, he doesn't like your cooking and your working hours was actually that he thought you were

you weren't organised or transparent enough about finances..
Which is odd as you were financially supporting him.
So he's putting the onus of finding a "solution" for you to be more transparent about your finances so you could continue to support him...and by the way being more "organised" in this context definitely means being more generous - to him.

He's realised that his cash flow has been affected and he's texted you asking for "a solution" to this "before its too late".

The Utter gall and cheek !

He treated you in a very critical and hurtful way and now he's suggesting he wants money. But that's OK because he's been upfront about the fact that he can't commit.

Seriously tell him to eff off.

NalafromtheLionKing · 06/07/2024 16:50

Being brutally honest, he’s just not that into you. You did the right thing dumping him and shouldn’t have tried to get back together. You should focus your energies on meeting someone new and better for you Flowers

nutbrownhare15 · 06/07/2024 16:53

He's messing with you. It's time to block and move on.

Scorchio84 · 06/07/2024 16:55

diddl · 06/07/2024 16:21

What is there to think?

He doesn't want to get back together!

Literally this, please don't get back into that cycle of doom

AccidentalTourism · 06/07/2024 17:06

I'm sorry to say, he's telling you you're not the one. Repeatedly he's telling you.

The relationship has run its course. It's time to grieve and move on.

Mummacake · 06/07/2024 17:28

OP, he's made it clear to you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Honestly, you've dodged a bullet. Focus on you & your future without him in it.

Lifechanging12 · 06/07/2024 17:39

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

You’ve had over 300 comments telling you that you’ve dodged a bullet and you still ignore everything everyone’s posted.

I really do believe this is a troll post, I can’t believe you are 34 years old and still acting like a love sick 16 year old obsessed with the 18 year old boy who was a massive jerk but you can’t get over him.

Seriously, you say you want marriage and kids. You’re apparently 34. Don’t waste another second.

WhiteJasmin · 06/07/2024 18:46

Agree with @Lifechanging12

Unfollowing this thread because either this is a troll post or OP have no interest in taking in the overwhelming comments to move on. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

BirthdayRainbow · 06/07/2024 18:47

He is not the only man in the world...

CountessWindyBottom · 06/07/2024 20:14

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

Will you please PLEASE just rip the plaster off? He’s clearly not at all interested and you are way overly invested in a possible reunion. His actions have shown you that he doesn’t want a future with you. He has told you this. You are anxious that you are 34 and want to fall in love and yet you’ve wasted eight months engaging with a person who has not only been cruel and nasty but who has explicitly rejected three separate attempts by you to reignite the relationship.

Block his number and move on, please!

Elsvieta · 06/07/2024 21:09

The ghosting is because he's with someone else now, almost certainly. Poor cow.

Just focus on how it's just one more example of what an arse he is. Seriously, he sounds awful. You'll do better.

He's been telling you who is for a long time, and now he's telling you again. Believe him.

FeetLikeFlippers · 06/07/2024 21:58

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

Please don’t say you’re going to give him another chance after this! I understand you probably want to talk to him to find out wtf he’s playing at but don’t let him draw you back in.

WalkingaroundJardine · 06/07/2024 22:13

He’s not interested in you and only gets into touch when there is nothing better on.

HowIrresponsible · 06/07/2024 22:21

FeetLikeFlippers · 06/07/2024 21:58

Please don’t say you’re going to give him another chance after this! I understand you probably want to talk to him to find out wtf he’s playing at but don’t let him draw you back in.

Surely she can't give him another chance. I don't think he wants one.

SamW98 · 06/07/2024 22:25

FeetLikeFlippers · 06/07/2024 21:58

Please don’t say you’re going to give him another chance after this! I understand you probably want to talk to him to find out wtf he’s playing at but don’t let him draw you back in.

Of course she has. 99.9% of the posts telling her the reality but she’s not listening

FeetLikeFlippers · 06/07/2024 22:54

SamW98 · 06/07/2024 22:25

Of course she has. 99.9% of the posts telling her the reality but she’s not listening

You’re right and I don’t know why I even bothered commenting - sheer frustration and disbelief I think!

Mothership4two · 06/07/2024 23:18

WhiteJasmin · 06/07/2024 18:46

Agree with @Lifechanging12

Unfollowing this thread because either this is a troll post or OP have no interest in taking in the overwhelming comments to move on. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Agree too. Bit of a waste of time

Cel119 · 06/07/2024 23:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AgentJohnson · 07/07/2024 07:17

Come on OP, the ‘friendship’ just like the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. You told yourself all kinds of crap to keep hanging around someone who clearly didn’t want the same things as you.

He did you a favour, something you should have done for yourself, it would be a shame to waste this opportunity.

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 07/07/2024 07:20

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

Please just ghost him. Although I can tell you’re not going to. I wish you’d waste no more time on a subpar man like that.

UpThereForThinkingDownThereForDancing · 07/07/2024 08:17

Canttakemuchmoreofthis1 · 06/07/2024 16:03

Since I wrote this he's got back in touch, just normal texting. Said he'd just been busy. Dunno what to think.

Omg op...
Stay strong and stay out.
I suspect you'll fold yourself back into this man's attentions, you are clearly still focused on it all working out if only... but future you is praying you don't because I'm however many years time you'll realise he was the problem not the solution and the 'if only's' require a personality transplant to fix.

You must realise the quality of your life can only ever be as good as the quality of your life partner... If you settle for this guy you are utterly closing the door on the possibility of ever enjoying peace of mind, contented confidence you are wanted for who you are, easy conversations over normal life matters like money or other domestic decisions... None of that can ever be yours of you keep hankering after this guy.

Something in you and something in the way he treats you is keeping you focused on the next hit of his positive attention... You need to recognise this is a false dream and follow through on the decision your gut made an that time ago and draw a line under this charade.

julesplusvodka · 07/07/2024 11:19

I am starting to believe this guy has had a lucky escape. At 34 you come across as extremely immature and love all the attention.