Parents in law on holiday

[Anxiousmuch]

Every year myself and OH take our young children camping in Cornwall
It's our one holiday and we hope to spend the week on the beach (or in rain at soft play)
Today I've found out his parents have asked him what dates we are there because they want to find somewhere close by and be with us
I want to cry. This is my break and with them around I won't be able to relax. They'll also have completely different expectations of what we'll do and aren't agile enough to go on the beach
Am I unreasonable to expect my partner to say something to them? I'd be happy to do a weekend away with them another time

If an average of 42% of the electorate voted Tory in the 80’s and early 90’s then 58% didn’t.
If that 42% were broken down into age groups then boomers would make up a fairly small percentage.

I’ve never voted Tory in my life and no family and friends of my age are likely to have done. Why would we, it’s the rich promoting the rich.

Exactly. My dsis lives in social housing in Scotland. She refused to buy her home because it would deprive a future tenant.
I’m one of 6, my dp’s have a small flat, if I do inherit it will be about £15k. Which is obviously better than nothing. Hardly great riches though.

And of that 8%, most had to rely on their parents to contribute as maintenance grants were assessed against parental income. Only students from poorer homes or who had been living independently for three years qualified for full maintenance grants.

Any thoughts on endowment mortgage shortfalls, and negative equity, and 15% interest rates on mortgages?

And finally, I wonder if the OP knows what a final salary public sector pension looks like after many years of austerity and negligible pay rises.

And. Breathe….

I personally wouldn’t mind at all. I think it’s lovely they want to join you but given you space at the same time (by staying at their own place). My partner would love his parents to do this but they’re worried stepping on toes but I keep saying I don’t mind. Maybe I should be more encouraging. Grandparents aren’t forever.

Not unreasonable and I would also feel pretty upset in this situation but how much time do you think they actually want to spend with you? Could they be happy mainly doing their own thing and meeting up occasionally eg for a meal or something?
If the expectation is that they spend most of the day with you then I can see that’s more of a problem and needs a conversation to manage expectations/gently discourage this plan.

It's only on mumsnet I read responses like this. In real life most people don't want to offend/upset people they care about, and so wouldn't just say 'no, this is our holiday' I can only hope in real life they say it much nicer than that! Don't get me wrong I understand wanting to go away by yourselves, my mum insists on coming to every family holiday, abroad or uk! Even camping which she hates! We don't mind, sometimes it's stressful but I would never say no to her, life is short and she won't be here forever. Maybe suggest they just join you for a few days and not the whole week.

But you say you ‘don’t mind’ your mother ‘insisting’ on coming on every family holiday, including holidays that involve something she hates. Other people would mind. I don’t think they’re reasonable to take steps to prevent something they actively don’t want from happening. The ‘life is short’ argument works both ways. Life is short so why waste it going on holidays with family members you don’t want to holiday with?

You know your in-laws the best so you know better what their intentions are and how they would be in this situation.

For example, my in-laws did the same thing with us last year. We go on a caravan holiday every year with our two kids. Last year, my in-laws booked into another holiday park near us for the same week, and they of course did spend some time with us, but they have their own interests too and spent just as much time (if not more) doing their own thing and then just meeting us when it was convenient for both parties. It worked out well for everyone and was nice that the kids got to spend a bit of time with their grandparents (they don’t see them often as they live 3 hours away). It worked out so well, we’re doing the same this year

However, if it was my parents, the opposite would be true. They would want to be staying in the caravan next to us and spending every waking minute with us, but not wanting to do anything we wanted to do and not helping with the kids - actually it would be more like having an additional two kids on holiday with us

So if they’re more like my parents, then no, you’re not being unreasonable!

If they’re more like my in-laws though, then maybe just roll with it and see how it goes - it might turn out better than expected!

I think another time is reasonable. Just say, I was really looking forward to some nuclear family time, why not give them (insert two other date options).

mine are stressful too. I finally got into it with hubby about why (they don’t treat him well, and I don’t find that acceptable) and he’s been soooo much nicer. Suppose he just thought I didn’t like them (which, really you treat one kid like shit and another like a princess and give them both complexes, I don’t like you, but if it wasn’t my husband I’d find them more amusing).

My parents were of the Silent Generation (just before boomers) and worked bloody hard all their lives! In the 70s, interest rates shot up to an eye watering amount unseen since, meaning they were paying 85% of their full time wages just on mortgage payments.
Neither of them ended up with proper pensions as the laws were different when they retired and their companies managed to essentially screw them over - especially my mum. Her company pension from the bank she worked at for 50+ years, is £400 per month.......!